The Demanding Child (The Challenging Child Series)

Rating:
Summary: Unique help for both parent and child
Review: This is a great little book. The book is so straightforward about behaviors and compassionately dealing with difficult behaviors, and treats the parent as well as the child. Every time I pick it up to read, I feel like I'm in a therapy session. I have found it very helpful and want to add it to my personal library.

Here's a sample from Chapter 9: "Demanding children sometimes put our optimism to the test. It's hard to see beyond the daily struggles of parenthood and glimpse the possibilities. Yet it's essential to focus on the positive aspects of our demanding child's qualities. That way, we'll be more optimistic and less tense, and thus more able to be effective parents. And a positive attitude leaves us open to the delights and surprises that our children will bring us as they grow.

Parents who are consumed with anxiety about their children's futures are less able to concentrate on the ways they can help in the here and now. And too much parental fretting has another effect: It can convey anxiety to the children, suggesting that parents have little faith in the children's ability to grow and thrive and overcome their difficulties.

The parents who keep their worries in perspective, then, are in the best position to parent positively. Usually, they are the ones who are either similar in temperament to their children, or who have come to understand, work with, and even celebrate their demanding child's individuality, even when the child and parent are quite different.

Sometimes, the worries we have about our challenging children can be eased as they demonstrate their strengths. As they grow, they grow stronger--not always in ways that we are familiar with, but in their own unique way."

I can't convey the whole flavor of the book, but this is from a chapter on twenty well-meaning mistakes parents make:

1. Trying to change basic temperament 2. Failure to guide and direct challenging behavior 3. Failure to prioritize 4. Failure to discipline 5. Using negative language 6. Yelling 7. Praising out-of-control behavior 8. Vagueness and inconsistency 9. Inconsistency between parents 10. Counting on consequences 11. Assigning motives 12. Failure to take care of parental needs 13. Overanalyzing 14. Reflecting your child's negatives 15. Allowing parents' early experiences to define expectations 16. Overprotecting 17. Comparing 18. Assuming that they're tough because they act tough 19. Forgetting that they'll grow up 20. Perfectionism

Rating:
Summary: Unique help for both parent and child
Review: This is a great little book. The book is so straightforward about behaviors and compassionately dealing with difficult behaviors, and treats the parent as well as the child. Every time I pick it up to read, I feel like I'm in a therapy session. I have found it very helpful and want to add it to my personal library.

Here's a sample from Chapter 9: "Demanding children sometimes put our optimism to the test. It's hard to see beyond the daily struggles of parenthood and glimpse the possibilities. Yet it's essential to focus on the positive aspects of our demanding child's qualities. That way, we'll be more optimistic and less tense, and thus more able to be effective parents. And a positive attitude leaves us open to the delights and surprises that our children will bring us as they grow.

Parents who are consumed with anxiety about their children's futures are less able to concentrate on the ways they can help in the here and now. And too much parental fretting has another effect: It can convey anxiety to the children, suggesting that parents have little faith in the children's ability to grow and thrive and overcome their difficulties.

The parents who keep their worries in perspective, then, are in the best position to parent positively. Usually, they are the ones who are either similar in temperament to their children, or who have come to understand, work with, and even celebrate their demanding child's individuality, even when the child and parent are quite different.

Sometimes, the worries we have about our challenging children can be eased as they demonstrate their strengths. As they grow, they grow stronger--not always in ways that we are familiar with, but in their own unique way."

I can't convey the whole flavor of the book, but this is from a chapter on twenty well-meaning mistakes parents make:

1. Trying to change basic temperament 2. Failure to guide and direct challenging behavior 3. Failure to prioritize 4. Failure to discipline 5. Using negative language 6. Yelling 7. Praising out-of-control behavior 8. Vagueness and inconsistency 9. Inconsistency between parents 10. Counting on consequences 11. Assigning motives 12. Failure to take care of parental needs 13. Overanalyzing 14. Reflecting your child's negatives 15. Allowing parents' early experiences to define expectations 16. Overprotecting 17. Comparing 18. Assuming that they're tough because they act tough 19. Forgetting that they'll grow up 20. Perfectionism