How to Win As a Stepfamily

Rating:
Summary: comprehensive introduction - and misses 4 key points
Review: I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorced, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 66, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, (d) a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and (e) the author of six personal-growth and family-relations books.

I recommend this pioneering book to readers who want a knowledgable, comprehensive introduction to stepfamily life. I do not recommend it to anyone who wants to know the core reasons most US stepfamilies are significantly stressful, and why millions redivorce or endure daily agony. the Vishers wrote this before belief in "inner children" and recovery from childhood neglect became well known. Like most authors that followed them, the Vishers don't acknowledge that these widespread hazards will block most readers from following their wise advice:

1) why and how to assess and reduce co-parents' psychological wounds from childhood (vs. divorce. Most divorced and stepfamily adults appear to be significantly wounded - and don't know it;

2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it. All stepfamilies follow (and cause) a series of profound losses (broken bonds);

3) co-parent unawareness of five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) keys to high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and (e) stepfamily realities, norms, implications, and hazards. And...

4) little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media.

In my clinical experience, these factors will often promote needy, love-dazed courting co-parents to commit to the wrong people (mate, stepkids, and "other parent/s"), for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time. Then the factors inhibit co-parents from identifying and resolving these core personal, role, and relationship problems:

http://sfhelp.org/10/problems.htm

For more perspective on this review, see:

http://sfhelp.org/11/choose_bks.htm

Rating:
Summary: A good read and helper
Review: Though I did not walk away from this book feeling that this book is the best so far or that it had all the answers, it was a great source for building knowledge and insight into how to handle the stressors of blending families. One can never believe just how stressful times can be with your wonderful children and with the new spouse that you love and have married...it is so hard to understand how these good people just can not get along. The plus to this book is that is goes into what it is like to begin dating after divorce, planning the marriage and a great insight into situations that will SURELY happen. It's kinda like childbirth....one thinks they can handle it...I am strong...I won't need special technqiues to get through it...well...look out...you are not that special..grin. In addition to a great therapist....this book will be a welcomed addition to your support system.