Exemplary Parenting: A Child-Rearing Model Worth Copying

Rating:
Summary: A great new book for parents and care-givers
Review: I am writing this to give my personal and professional opinions on "Exemplary Parenting" authored by Robt. R. Jones. In addition to sharing one of the world's most common names and living in the same small community on Galveston Bay, we are both actively involved in study and practice within the field of psychology. For the past two decades I have taught educational psychology, cognition and related courses at the University of Houston-Clear Lake.

When Bob Jones contacted me about reading and reviewing his book, I eagerly accepted the task. As a parent of two teenage sons, I read many of Bob's column articles on parenting in the local newspaper. And as a parent I appreciated his clear writing style and sensible advice on a broad range of topics. As I initially thumbed through the book, I recognized several of the articles and revisited them as one would visit old friends. In the end, I read all 150 of the old and, to me, new short essays. This set of readings demonstrates Bob's broad experience with and knowledge about developmental psychology, learning theory and models of parenting. There is no fixed template or model for most of these one to four page essays; each starts with an idea, situation or problem and moves quickly from theory to good practice through specific examples. I feel the same about these writings today as I did six years ago when I first encountered the column in the local paper. They represent clear and concise, well delivered good advice to parents and others interested in the parenting process.

"Exemplary Parenting" is not simply a rewritten and revised collection of a series of newspaper columns. This was made clear to me as I read the foreword and introductory articles. I realized this book was going far beyond the parenting advice columns into new territory. What first caught my attention was the interesting history of parenting and child raising that preceded the body of essays. The historical information was fascinating and Bob's presentation gave me many new and fresh insights into terminology and practices I encounter as an instructor. I made many notes as I worked through the 15 page history.

A few nights later, I took a break from the reading to revisit the table of contents. I put check marks by each of the longer articles and there were more than a dozen. I wanted to read Bob's more lengthy essays, those not bound by newspaper word count requirements, and I was well rewarded. These longer essays focused on an interesting mix of theorists, historical, and contemporary issues. Bob used the same excellent communication skills he had honed in the columns in this group of longer, in depth essays. It was in this group where I found the clear, real world examples of principles and practices that are often missing in college textbooks. I enjoyed each and every one of these and left this section thinking about the possibility for a set of readings for my students in educational psychology.

Finally, my last discovery came from Bob's telling of his own story as a person and a parent. Occasionally, because of the name-community-profession situstion, people ask if I am the Bob Jones who writes the parenting column in the newspaper. When this has happened, I would joke about the similarities and reveal that I did not really know the Bob Jones who writes the articles. After reading "Exemplary Parenting" I can't say that any more. In the book, Bob tells his own painfully true story, and it is remarkable reading. His story begins in the foreword and ends in a personal revelation about his family and himself in the next to last entry in the book. Bob's story presents a fascinating and true tale that explains why he is so intent on raising the knowledge and practice of parenting to an exemplary level.

I recommend this book highly for two reasons. First, it presents good, solid advice on the process of authoritative parenting; the raising of children in a supportive environment with clear, fair and enforceable rules. It also points out the problems and myths that surround traditional authoritarian parenting, a style I characterize as "My way or the highway". By consistently presenting comparisons between the two, Bob assists the readers in developing their own parenting skills for their own situations. Second, I believe this book has great value as a series of reading for teachers and other practitioners who interact with children and their parents. The cases, examples, lists and literature he presents are excellent and do not exist in any other collection. In summary, I have spent a couple of months with "Exemplary Parenting" and this is just the beginning; I shall return to it often.

Rating:
Summary: A Deep Perspective on Parenting
Review: Robert Jones has written an unusual book that presents a cohesive view of the parenting role. When I first picked it up, I looked for the summaries, diagrams, and simple recipes for common child rearing problems commonly found in advice books. They weren't there. I started reading and got hooked by Jones's warm, grand perspective on the task of parenting. This book, aimed at parents, draws upon diverse sources of parenting information. Mr. Jones' weekly columns for the Bayshore Sun, a newspaper for the Galveston Bay community, form a series of essays that are a convenient length, and the format lends itself to browsing and dipping in for a quick read. Unlike most advice books, he doesn't offer pat solutions to typical parenting problems. Instead he offers a philosophy of child rearing based on psychological insights.
Robert Jones presents a coherent, broad and deep perspective on child rearing and parenting. His broad sources include Alfred Adler, Margaret Mahler, Viktor Frankl, Abraham Maslow, and other recent research reports. The resulting philosophy is an interesting mélange of post-Freudian psychoanalysis, humanistic and Piagetian educational ideas, and Eriksonian developmental theory. He establishes a deep historical context that identifies the origin of child-rearing misconceptions that he seeks to overturn. Jones blends his sources smoothly into a consistent perspective that encourages parents to persist in the long-term task of rearing happy, independent children. Jones succeeds in modeling his advice to be supportive and nonjudgmental in his tone. He comes across as a kind and wise man while delivering his advice, often in stories that resemble parables.
Jones makes many terrific suggestions, including recommendations: to let children make their own choices, to allow them to learn from the consequences of their decisions, to encourage (not just praise) children, to help parents recognize their adolescents' goals, and to hold weekly family council meetings. Weekly meetings allow parents to model democratic decision making and persistent problem solving.
Jones relies heavily on Mahler's ideas, and he gives an extensive presentation of her ideas. Her developmental psychodynamic ideas are not commonly presented in psychology, but resemble many concepts from the humanistic and post-Freudian analytic tradition. Interestingly, the sources for Jones' ideas to promote positive development date from the early-to-mid-20th century, and in recent years, positive psychology, as presented by Seligman and others, has returned to the same goals as a modern version of humanistic psychology. One difference is that positive psychology relies on empirically tested ideas.
Though I have great sympathy for his positive, supportive style, I diverge on several points. I disagree with the commonly held position that viewing TV violence has a major effect on aggression. As some scholars have noted, many of the studies are artificial or have design features that exaggerate the short-term effects.
Jones is too harsh in downplaying the value of ADHD medications that have produced dramatic improvements for many. Reviews of ADHD treatment have indicated that this brain disorder is best handled by drug-psychotherapy combinations. Newer, non-stimulant drugs (for example, Strattera) promise better living through chemistry.
As in many advice books, examples can pose practical complications (see the consequences of missing the bus on p. 74). Jones mentions interesting studies by Emler, Baumeister, Shonkoff, and Pruett, but the references to these studies are missing. An index of topics would improve the book's usefulness; it would enable one to track down his different thoughts about creativity, TV's effects, the problems of Christmas merchandising, etc.
Despite these minor quibbles, I enjoyed the book, and found it generally informative and helpful. I highly recommend this distinctive contribution to the parenting literature.