You're a Stepparent...Now What?: A Guide to Parenting in Families With Nonbiological Children

Rating:
Summary: superficial advice
Review: I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorced, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 66, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, (d) a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and (e) the author of six personal-growth and family-relations books.

I recommend this book to people with a casual interest in sensing some surface aspects of the complex role of "stepparent." I do not recommend this book to anyone seeking to understand the core requisites for building high-nurturance, enduring stepfamily relationships.

"Your a Stepparent..." appears to be based on the author Cerquone's experience as a foster parent, interviews with some stepparents, and diligent research on the writings of some respected stepfamily authors. The result is well-intended - and of little practical value to serious readers, because he omits four essential topics:

1) why and how to assess and reduce co-parents' psychological wounds from childhood;

2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it;

3) co-parent unawareness of five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) keys to high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and (e) stepfamily realities and norms and implications. and...

4) little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media.

In my experience, these factors will often block the best-intentioned adults from following well-meant stepfamily advice, as in this book. If ignored, the factors inexorably promote choosing the wrong people to re/wed, for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time - and subsequent stresses and re/divorce. Awareness, acceptance, and discussion of these (and related) factors can reduce three of these stressors, and help to achieve high-nurturance stepfamilies.

For more perspective, see the nonprofit educational "Stepfamily inFormation" Web site at sfhelp.org.