When Mom and Dad Grow Old: Step-by-Step Planning for Families and Caregivers

Rating:
Summary: Thoughtful, Sensitive, and Practical Advice
Review: I agree with others who assert that all great societies take excellent care of their children and their elderly. I also believe, however, that family members should assume primary responsibility for such care rather than abdicating it to institutions and agencies in the public sector. For various reasons, people are living longer now than ever before. When resources and circumstances permit, elderly loved ones continue to live in their own homes or in dedicated facilities which offer assisted-living services. Based on my own experience and the collective experiences of countless friends, I realize that few of us are adequately prepared to address the issues which West-Rodriguez and Dennis discuss in this book. Some involve logistics. Others involve healthcare. For me, the most complicated issues are those relevant to an elderly loved one's pride, self-esteem, and concerns about quality of life. (Those who taken away an elderly loved one's car keys and/or check book know exactly what I am talking about.) In this volume, West-Rodriguez and Dennis offer expert counsel as well as a step-by-step "game plan" which both anticipates and prepares for all manner of situations in which family members and caregivers can become involved.

The book's narrative consists of a series of diary entries by a D.D. ("Darling Daughter") to which the authors then respond. After each response, they also offer "Our Parting Words to the Wise" followed by a "Considering Possibilities" section, one which allows the reader to complete what amounts to an audit of her or his current thoughts about the issues presented. Of greatest interest and value to me is the mental preparation which West-Rodriguez and Dennis assist with when truly difficult decisions must eventually be made: When and how to determine a loved ones wishes? How to accommodate those wishes, especially when they seem to be at cross-purposes with health and/or financial concerns? What information needs to be obtained about sensitive matters such as the loved one's finances?

I highly recommend this book to family members and caregivers but also to others whose counsel may also be desired when certain important decisions must be made. Attorneys and accountants, for example, as well as insurance agents, clergy, and perhaps financial and/or estate planners. This is a handbook but also a WORKbook. Its ultimate value will be determined by the nature and extent to which those who purchase it and read it then follow the step-by-step process which West-Rodriguez and Dennis recommend.

One final point: There is no single source of wisdom, no one book which asks all the right questions and provides all the right answers. West-Rodriguez and Dennis offer a starting point with regard to mental preparation and then some exercises which can help to clarify issues, set priorities, and suggest an appropriate course of action. For that, those who are guided by their counsel -- and their loved ones -- should forever be grateful.

Rating:
Summary: A useful, practical & comprehensive tool
Review: This book is deceptively simple, accessible and full of practical knowledge. I can imagine that the hardest part of putting it all together was the "deceptively simple" part. . . .reducing it all to easily accessible information and guidance. The authors have tackled a deeply affecting topic and will - I sincerely hope - get more people to think about these life/death matters that inevitably face most of us.
This wonderful book made me smile - caused me to laugh out loud a couple of times - and brought me to tears (when I thought of writing a "good-bye" letter to my own mother - my life was so busy when she died that I feel I've never grieved properly, but that's another story). My thanks to the authors for this. It's been a treat and will continue to be one as I go back to it again and again. It has reminded me of some holes in our own planning and these are going on the top of my "to do" list!
The basic concept is applicable to almost any western culture. . . .that is to say, any culture where the care of parents is not automatically assumed to be in the hands of the family. The authors are to be congratulated on not only identifying a huge gaping hole in the market, but in filling it in so well.