Solo Parenting: Raising Strong and Happy Families

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Summary: A positive guide that has something for everyone.
Review: Even if you have already been though a divorce, it is never to late to read this book. This insightful, personal guide shines a ray of hope on every situation, and shows you how you can do what is best for you and your child. The author brings true stories to us, including her own, in a wide array.

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Summary: Rules of Flying Solo
Review: When cabin pressure drops, there's a good reason airline passengers are asked to securetheir own oxygen masks first before helping others. If they didn't, they wouldn't be muchgood to the gasping child or elderly person in the next seat. Such is the philosophy behind author Diane Chambers' new book Solo Parenting: Raising Strong and Happy Families (Fairview Press, $12.95), a step-by-step guide to help readers deal with the turbulence and pressure changes of parenting alone. According to Chambers, a former single parent and self-proclaimed cabin pressure expert, taking care of personal needs first is the key to successful single parenting. "Too often I hear the words, 'If only I could find a partner -- someone to help me with all these responsibilities -- life would be better.' But many times, that attitude is what got them there in the first place. So, I try to get parents to look at their singleness in a new light and to view it as a rich existence, not something to loathe or be ashamed of. Then, once they've addressed their own needs, and begin developing themselves, it's amazing how adamant they become about not needing anyone else to complete their lives. At that point, they're personally prepared to be the best parents they can be." WHEN THE PILOT TURNS ON THE SEATBELT SIGN. The book idea was conceived when Chambers found herself struggling to deal with all the initial problems single parents face. As a result, she was forced to prioritize and break challenges down into manageable parts. "There were a number of issues I had to resolve in a very short period of time: overcome the pain and trauma of divorce, re-budget my financial picture, redirect my career, become a part-time lawyer, a full-time father-figure, and find time somewhere in between to pay attention to what my kids were doing and thinking. That's a lot to face all at once. I didn't have any warning -- before I knew it I was fastening my seat belt for a long and uncertain journey. I was determined to be successful and fight the statistics that said my kids would suffer because they were living with only one parent. So, I just started taking it a step at a time." In the book, Chambers breaks down the process into three parts: preparation, self-development, and child-development. The first section addresses the emotional restructuring that is often necessary following divorce, death, or unwanted pregnancy. She uses the concepts of overcoming fear, reframing, and turning negative energy into positive steps, to help single parents prepare and approach the journey ahead with a healthy view of their new role. SEAT CUSHION AS A FLOTATION DEVICE Secondly, she focuses on innovative ways to tackle practical issues that are common to single parents: career, money, and self-esteem. Here, Chambers gives parents numerous ideas and suggestions on how to improve their lifestyles, while also keeping balance in eight critical areas of life, which include physical and spiritual needs. "Just keeping their heads above water is sometimes all single parents have time to think about," says Chambers. "But they have to figure out how to get out of the water and make permanent changes in these practical areas. Otherwise, they'll end up spending the duration of their children's lives trying to figure out what's wrong with them instead of focusing on their children's needs. Something as simple as not exercising or eating the right foods can potentially compromise a parent's ability to be all she needs to be for her children." HELP FROM A BREATHING PARENT Assuming that readers have followed the book's step-by-step boxes and chapter-end checkpoints, Chambers finally challenges them to go the extra mile and develop a customized parenting plan based on their particular strengths and weaknesses. A pyramid of values is employed to illustrate the basics of a successful plan, which allows readers the freedom to conceive their own rules and consequences based on the model. The last two chapters discuss how parents might fight the statistics going against them by thinking ahead and preparing for a child's future welfare and ultimate success. Daycare, child support, estate planning, and tips for daily living make up the final analysis in child development. "Parental love is a really powerful force behind good parenting skills," says Chambers. "Most people already have what they need to make it work, they just need a general flightplan -- so to speak. Once they have a basic outline, they really don't need an expert to give them day-to-day advice. Besides, we all know that parenting is a trial-and-error kind of thing -- no one has the perfect plan because every kid requires a custom fit." QUALIFYING TO SIT NEAR THE EXIT ROW DOOR In a nutshell, Solo Parenting focuses on the concept that parental example, in word and action, will ultimately have a great effect on children. Chambers contends that it's up to each parent to decide whether or not it will be a positive or negative effect. "The number of adults in a household should not be a determinant of a child's future success," says Chambers. "It ultimately comes down to the parents' level of commitment to positive change and their willingness to be and live what they expect their children to become. It takes a lot of courage, but it's well worth the effort."