So Glad We Waited! : A Hand-Holding Guide for Over-35 Parents

Rating:
Summary: Every parent over 35 should treasure this book!
Review: Cannot rave enough about this book. The parenting advice is incredibly helpful, no matter how old you are. The writer is so perceptive about the joy, and possible mistakes we can make at our age. It's like having a really good friend, who is smart, funny, and very very wise. I loved reading other people's stories. We were lucky not to have gone through too much to have our daughter, but I felt so much for the others who did. This book has helped my husband and I (who also liked it) avoid a few of the problems, particularly spoiling, which we probably would have had, if we hadn't read this. I now give this book, and her other one, which I read after I read this, as a shower gift to every friend I have. Treat yourself to the best parenting book you'll find.

Rating:
Summary: Not a balanced view of motherhood over 35
Review: If you are looking for a book with information on the realities, both good and bad, of becoming a mother after 35, this is not it! The premise of this book is that mothers over 35 are better mothers than moms in their twenties. She gives several examples of how younger mothers focus on themselves, while older mothers are completely devoted to their children. She even compares how younger and older mothers put their children into strollers as evidence of the superiority of older mothers. I am not interested in comparing myself to younger mothers.
I found Midlife Motherhood to be a much more useful book with practical information and none of the we are better than them attitude so prevalent in this book.

Rating:
Summary: So glad we found this book!
Review: We stumbled upon this book by serendipity -- ours was the last copy in a display as we walked by the "Parenting" section at our bookstore. We'd been dealing with the slowness of being selected by a birth mom, in an open adoption process, and we suspected it had to do in part with our being an "older" couple.

Nachamie deals with the big issues for "older" couples head-on yet with humor and perspective.

She examines the beliefs behind the social norms for the "correct" age of parents for young children. Nachamie also validates the sense we've had that for our age group, our mothers definitely are not the first resource we'd turn to in figuring out parenting challenges -- our age cohort feels this way (it's not just me and my mom!) and this is a contrast with younger moms and their mothers.

She identifies accurately the pitfalls older parents tend to fall into when parenting -- I see these frequently in my own clinical practice (as a child psychiatrist) and I can project how readily I could fall into a similar pattern unless I were forewarned and thus watchful. (Example: overindulgence of the highly-valued child, under the guise of "We're building his self-esteem by having him make the decision. . ." so the child doesn't experience appropriate limits. We've all experienced this at restaurants or stores.) And she makes specific creative suggestions for how to address the downside and celebrate the upside of being older parents. The parenting advice is very very sound.

Rating:
Summary: Great resource
Review: Whether considering becoming a parent at an advanced age, or already in the throes of parenthood, this is an invaluable resource. It covers all the topics that you need to hear about: working, not working, childcare, marriage quakes, sex, aging bodies and hormonal eruptions etc. Geared primarily to women, men should find some sections helpful. I've dogeared pages for my spouse to read.

Nachamie's opinionated--I held my breath while she ranted against relying totally upon a full-time nanny or sitter without establishing checks and balances that keep the child yours. While she spares no words here, her arguments were quite persuasive about keeping control.

I picked the book up to read about what to expect and am glad to have read it. Seems like parenting when your knees are giving out is a lot of work, but the joy expressed by the mothers she's interviewed is the most convincing argument of all.