Winning the Parenting War

Rating:
Summary: Tactical Assistance on the Home Front
Review: David Clarke has taken the battle for our children to a new level. Using humor, common sense and sound principles, Clarke helps the frustrated parent gain footing in the battle referred to as parenting.

Clarke systematically briefs the reader through each age level while offering excellent advice on the training and nurturing of our children. While each section is well written and easily understandable, Clarke excels at breaking down the mystery of the teenager that has, or eventually will infiltrate your home.

The bottom line is that with patience and a genuine love for our children, we can overcome the enemy within and raise healthy, strong children.

Rating:
Summary: Sarcastic, illogical book
Review: Two wonderful people who want all the best for my children gave me this book. If only they had known.

The most disturbing thing about this book is the author's demonstration of how to be sarcastic to your children. (He says of himself that he has a smart mouth, which he has passed on to two of his children.) One example of good parenting he gives is a woman who "used funny, silly behaviors as consequences for her son. ... If he ran in the house, she'd say, 'Okay, everybody outside and let's watch Jimmy (not his real name) run.' The whole family, and neighborhood kids, too, if they were present, would troop outside. She had Jimmy run laps and wind sprints." Public humiliation as punishment? This is not parenting that I would write about in a book. At least not favorably.

In many instances of his sarcasm, the author means to be funny. But I guess I'm not convinced it's appropriate. I wonder whether a good many stressed out parents may relate more to the sarcastic tone of the book, rather than the serious (boring) paragraphs about communicating on your children's terms, respecting your child's privacy, or encouraging children to make their own decisions.

I also object to the common philosophy about the need to break a child's will, put forth in this book and many others. This is a soap-box issue for me, so I'll keep it short: The way God "parents" me is in guiding me, advising me, and asking me to obey because I trust him. I do not believe that he "breaks" my will, but changes my heart to desire what he desires. Simply put, I model my parenting after this experience of God's love.

Finally, the book shares a weakness of many other Christian advice titles: it makes statements that purport to be "God's truth" without making clear that they are opinions, and without adequately supporting the statements with logic. For example, this book states, "If done correctly, spanking will not teach your children to hit others. That it will is a common liberal view, and it's not true." The author makes no statement that adequately refutes the studies about children and violence quoted in many better-written secular books on parenting. (For example, _Raising Cain_, another more useful book in my current reading list.) I actually agree with this author's opinion on spanking (although not with his discipline methods described, which strike me as coercive) but I do not like being told what to think in pedantic, unsupported statements like this.

If you're stuck on a desert island with only this parenting book, I guess you can get a few ideas from it. On my second read, I did notice some sensible paragraphs. But if you have any other choices, please choose one that is less sarcastic and more logical.