Conscious Divorce : Ending a Marriage with Integrity

Rating:
Summary: How to mourn the end of a marriage -- and then move on
Review: Conscious Divorce: Ending A Marriage With Integrity by clinical hypnotherapist, ordained ministerial counselor, seminar leader, and divorce counselor Susan Allison is a practical, emotional, and spiritual book offering both advice and comfort to the divorced, with special emphasis on learning how to mourn the end of a marriage -- and then move on. Although some practical issues are addressed, the primary focus of Conscious Divorce is on the critical importance of maintaining close ties with loved ones, and on allowing one's heart and soul to heal. Conscious Divorce is a strongly recommended reading for survivors of the often bruising and demeaning divorce process.

Rating:
Summary: Useful advice presented in a calming style
Review: Read CONSCIOUS DIVORCE: ENDING MARRIAGE WITH
INTEGRITY by Susan Allison, a clinical hypnotherapist . . . what I found interesting about this book was that Allison had actually gone through divorce herself; in fact, she instituted the process in her marriage . . . furthermore, I appreciated her calming style

She shows you that divorce doesn't have to be adversarial, especially if both parties agree to work through the process (preferably with the help of a mediator) . . . .there's a lot of useful advice here, and it applies to couples in all different stages of a relationship--and even
to those not married . . . in addition, there are suggestions on such topics as communication, financial planning and self-care that apply to anybody, regardless of the state of his or her relationship.

There were several memorable passages; among them:
If, for instance, you wake up and say, "I don't want to get up;
it's going to be a lousy day; nothing will go right; I hate my life," then guess what? You will unconsciously create all this misery for yourself just by taking action based on your thoughts. Sometimes we think our minds and thoughts control us, that we have no choice, but this is simply not true. Your mind is a computer and you are the programmer; you can change the program anytime you want, to one that will work the best for you.

The first time I worked on my resentments and need to forgive,
I found it difficult. This was because the person had hurt me, and I refused to excuse what he had done. At this point in my life, it was my father I hated and blamed for my unhappiness. It took me several weeks in a course taught by Judy Wardell-Halliday to realize that the forgiveness was not for the other person. It was for me. You may remember the question from a previous chapter, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" Here, this can be changed slightly to, "Do you want to be bitter, or do you want to forgive?" Forgiveness begins with a conscious choice: to cling to the ego's attachment to sin, blame, and guilt, or to replace the ego-voice with one of
love and forgiveness.

You're finished [with resentment against your ex-spouse]
when you write the words, "I resent you for . . . " and nothing
comes up. Write this phrase three times and if it is still
blank, you are probably finished . . . for now. Be assured
that more will come up from time to time, especially if
the two of you are still in contact. If not, this may or may
not be your final resentment list.

Rating:
Summary: Help for Those Who are Hurting
Review: This book, Conscious Divorce, is extremely helpful and positive, and after reading a section or chapter, I feel supported and not so alone. Not only is the content practical, such as advice about finances and the legal system, but there are spiritual rituals and supportive affirmations that make me feel better when I read them. Going through a divorce can feel devastating, and stressful. I like that this book focuses on ways to heal and move on! I'm tired of all the media focus on divorce as adversarial. It can be a time of introspection and transformation, a time to go in new directions, but still be able to forgive your partner, and treat each other with integrity. This is what Conscious Divorce advocates. Bravo.