Parenting Without Punishment: Making Problem Behavior Work for You

Rating:
Summary: A common-sense approach that really works...
Review: "Parenting bookshelves typically contain dozens of books offering endless techniques for behavior modification. This book may be the one that will help parents sort out the worthwhile from the drivel. John Maag, PhD (Univ. of Nebraska) offers a strict and compassionate approach to behavior modification, arguing that punishment per se is almost never effective. The trouble is that we expect the good and punish the bad and this only leads to confrontation. Maag shows us how to use reinforcers, star charts, time outs and contracts, concluding that self-monitoring by kids leads to self-control. Finally, he 1ooks at ADD and depression as behavior problems that parents can deal with rather than as psychiatric labels attached to kids. Maag brings years of working with exasperated parents to his work. Refreshingly full of common sense and well worth reading." -- Library Journal

Rating:
Summary: A common-sense approach that really works...
Review: "Parenting bookshelves typically contain dozens of books offering endless techniques for behavior modification. This book may be the one that will help parents sort out the worthwhile from the drivel. John Maag, PhD (Univ. of Nebraska) offers a strict and compassionate approach to behavior modification, arguing that punishment per se is almost never effective. The trouble is that we expect the good and punish the bad and this only leads to confrontation. Maag shows us how to use reinforcers, star charts, time outs and contracts, concluding that self-monitoring by kids leads to self-control. Finally, he 1ooks at ADD and depression as behavior problems that parents can deal with rather than as psychiatric labels attached to kids. Maag brings years of working with exasperated parents to his work. Refreshingly full of common sense and well worth reading." -- Library Journal

Rating:
Summary: A practical guide for changing a parent's behavior.
Review: :
I am surprised that the principles in the book are not more commonly used by educators. Clear and practical information and guidelines cover every page.
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Many of the behavioral modifications recommended by Dr. Maag don't just work in our interaction with our kids, they also work quite well with adults.
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Probably the most interesting benefit I got from the book has been the opportunity to alter my own behavior, which, in turn, made a world of difference in helping our daughter to alter hers.
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Highly recommended reading for parents, educators and for anyone looking to find different, more effective ways of dealing with others and with our own imprinted habits. An open mind is required for the readers of this book to gain any noticeable benefit.

Rating:
Summary: If you want a good book on parenting, this is it!
Review: Even though there are one million books on parenting, very few of them are useful and very few provide information that is actually helpful. This book is different; provides really sensible information. Life with my children has actually improved since I've applied the knowledge I received from this book. What a relief to finally have a book that deals directly with the ins and outs of punishment and offers a better way of disciplining children other than grounding them

Rating:
Summary: Finally! Why time outs don't usually work
Review: I learned about this book in a forum on Positive Parenting, and put it on my Amazon wish list. I found it under the Christmas tree when my son was 2 and I've been following the advice in it ever since.

Large stretches of this book apply to older children, so I don't feel qualified to comment on those subjects yet (my son is 3 1/2). But the crux of the book is how to identify and isolate a behavior that you want to change. It is such a basic concept and yet so many parenting books fail to explain this. Rather than label your child as "sloppy," identify what you specifically have a problem with (e.g. leaving clothes on the floor). Then you can work with the child to change the behavior. A variety of methods are suggested. These are contrasted against punitive methods that often fail to do much more than demand immediate attention and often lead to children attempting to subvert the rules without understanding them.

Maag's discussion about "time outs," the most often suggested and most often misused form of discipline these days, is exceptional. When I read this part of the book, I immediately lost patience for all the experts and unsolicited advice-givers who seem to gush about this form of discipline. The purpose of the "time out," according to Maag, is to remove a child from a situation where he/she is getting negative attention. Used as a punishment, time outs do not end the misbehavior or address the underlying causes of the misbehavior. If a child is doing something just for the negative attention, removing the child to a new environment or simply removing your attention will end the cycle. Parents who angrily walk their kids to a chair in the corner whenever the child blows milk bubbles are giving the child the attention he craves.

Because so much of misbehavior is not due to a child trying to get negative attention, Maag contends that time outs are of limited utility. Their use as punishments do not help a child develop self control and may instead perpetuate attempts by the child to get away with things known to be wrong.

The actual problem-solving advice given by Maag centers on identifying a problem behavior, discussing your expectations with the child, coming to an agreement, and rewarding progress toward ending the behavior. Therefore, it does not apply to babies or toddlers who are too young to understand the consequences of their actions. It may sound a little to good to be true, and it probably is for people who don't want to put the time or effort into making gradual (and hopefully permanent) changes in a child's behavior. However, I've put the author's philosophy into practice and have been much more relaxed about parenting ever since. I also have a very well-behaved child and can spend quality time with him rather than fighting him at every step.