Facing Shame: Families in Recovery

Rating:
Summary: Broad overview to understand the many origins of shame
Review: Shame has a myriad of origins, this book gives an excellentunderstanding of shame and its effect upon our lives. It helps us todifferentiate the important difference between guilt and shame. Shame deeply effects our self esteem as well as how we view others and eventually our success in life. John Bradshaw, who is also an excellent writer, in his book regarding shame mostly limits his approach to those from alcoholic families. In this book, not only is this area covered but many other areas along with the developmental dynamics of shame and shame-based behaviors. Not coming from an alcoholic family I did not understand my own deep feelings of shame until I read this book. I highly recommend it for any persons who wish to understand themselves better on their road to becoming a more complete, self-accepting and healthy person.

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Summary: Skill and insight are used in uncovering the power of shame
Review: The authors bring a great deal of experience, insight and skill in walking the reader through the dynamics of shame. In an unassuming manner, the book explains various phases and manifestations of shame within a family context. Patterns of behaviors are examined and linked to those of other family members and even other generations. I enjoyed how the authors did not saturate the book with case studies, instead they used them sparingly and effectively. This is an in-depth yet readable text on a painful and powerful topic

Rating:
Summary: An excellent, concise handling of a multi-facted problem.
Review: The authors do an excellent job of raising awareness of how shame impacts family relationships. Their limited, but well focused use of graphs and case studies allows them to relay a great deal of information to the reader in a concise but very understandable manner.

Rating:
Summary: Enlightening and Sad
Review: This book is an enlightening first step in understanding a spouse who is driven by perfectionism, anger and control. Reading the book makes you realize it's not their fault -- or yours either. (This does not make their behavior less destructive, but it's easier when you stop blaming them for it.) The person from this type of family does not have the self-awareness to recognize their own destructive impulses, much less develop the skills they need to have healthy relationships. It's like they are pre-programmed to destroy relationships with family and business partners. After reading this book, you realize that you, alone, cannot help your spouse, and if you keep trying to do it alone, you will only become more frustrated and heartbroken. It is a good guideline to begin therapy with a good family counselor, which I believe is the only way to break the cycle.

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Summary: The ideal therapy
Review: This book takes a wider perspective than most despite approaching therapy from a single emotion--shame. I suppose all therapy aims at "fixing" behavioral problems such as fighting authority figures well into adulthood, or playing the same out-of-balance role (caretaker, domineer, etc.) in multiple relationships. The previous reviewer was right: this book goes well beyond the consequences of alcoholism in families.

Among the steps suggested for therapists are initial 3 hour consultations, coaching with the aim of pointing out inconsistencies in swapping shame for guilt (guilt being the more malleable problem), and similar sorts of training in boundary-setting. Hopefully someone will provide a complete description of the book's sections in another review.

I'm 48 and an insatiable reader of psychology. Don't hold my M.A. in English against me. Find this in your library. I believe this is a truly great book for both therapists and their clients. I hope that one day these ideas come to have a greater impact than the behavioralist and short-term cognitive approaches now in favor by therapists.