Rating: 
Summary: Putty in his hands
Review: A generation of primate behaviour and cognitive science research seems to have whoosed right past Newberger. Perhaps he was busy playing his tuba. Many years of his dealing with abused children generated this "guidebook for parenting". Like all such guidebooks, there are many pearls of wisdom and insightful conclusions. There is also a wealth of self-contradictions, a limited arena to apply his useful advice and some terribly misleading assertions. Underlying the entire presentation is the idea that children are putty in the hands of their parents. All parents need do is take the proper approach [Newberger's] in raising their offspring and all will be well with the world. Or, at least, those families living in North America. Without clearly stipulating why he focusses on boys instead of children, he seems to feel that "character" is a mental/emotional state best expressed through the male half of society. From this basis, he moves through the various elements he designates as building "character" and explains how to promote them. There are many of them and Newberger is to be congratulated for taking on so formidable a task. He covers the topics well, but as you read it becomes clear that only a limited sector of society will read or understand his programme. A careful read will highlight the many contradictions he overlooked in developing his thesis. After showing how many conflicts can arise between parents and offspring from an early age, he moves "self-identity" to adolescence. This will console parents who thought the "terrible twos" were an event rivalling the French Revolution. To further reassure parents, he condemns Judith Rich Harris' classic study "The Nurture Assumption" which transferred children's input from parents to peers. That Newberger does this suggests he might have left his clinic occasionally and visited some elementary schoolyards. Boys may appear malleable to parents, but in the schoolyard or street corner, they show a different set of talents. Although Newberger discusses the "hierarchical" social structures that appear among boys, he seems to have no notion of how they emerge. Newberger's appeal is limited to those parents with the intellect, time, patience, affluence and desire to follow his suggestions. They must quell no end of natural responses in raising boys, and it would be enlightening to learn from the next generation how many of his readers will be in residence in a room with soft walls. It is fallacious to assume that male children come into life with no natural ambitions and capabilities of their own. Not many years ago, it was believed the concept of children, especially boys, coming into life with a "blank slate" had been permanently shelved. Yet, here is Newberger, not only raising the issue again, but compiling a parenting guidebook based on that premise. An infirm foundation for such an important structure. [stephen a. haines - Ottawa, Canada]
Rating:
Summary: Putty in his hands
Review: A generation of primate behaviour and cognitive science research seems to have whoosed right past Newberger. Perhaps he was busy playing his tuba. Many years of his dealing with abused children generated this "guidebook for parenting". Like all such guidebooks, there are many pearls of wisdom and insightful conclusions. There is also a wealth of self-contradictions, a limited arena to apply his useful advice and some terribly misleading assertions. Underlying the entire presentation is the idea that children are putty in the hands of their parents. All parents need do is take the proper approach [Newberger's] in raising their offspring and all will be well with the world. Or, at least, those families living in North America. Without clearly stipulating why he focusses on boys instead of children, he seems to feel that "character" is a mental/emotional state best expressed through the male half of society. From this basis, he moves through the various elements he designates as building "character" and explains how to promote them. There are many of them and Newberger is to be congratulated for taking on so formidable a task. He covers the topics well, but as you read it becomes clear that only a limited sector of society will read or understand his programme. A careful read will highlight the many contradictions he overlooked in developing his thesis. After showing how many conflicts can arise between parents and offspring from an early age, he moves "self-identity" to adolescence. This will console parents who thought the "terrible twos" were an event rivalling the French Revolution. To further reassure parents, he condemns Judith Rich Harris' classic study "The Nurture Assumption" which transferred children's input from parents to peers. That Newberger does this suggests he might have left his clinic occasionally and visited some elementary schoolyards. Boys may appear malleable to parents, but in the schoolyard or street corner, they show a different set of talents. Although Newberger discusses the "hierarchical" social structures that appear among boys, he seems to have no notion of how they emerge. Newberger's appeal is limited to those parents with the intellect, time, patience, affluence and desire to follow his suggestions. They must quell no end of natural responses in raising boys, and it would be enlightening to learn from the next generation how many of his readers will be in residence in a room with soft walls. It is fallacious to assume that male children come into life with no natural ambitions and capabilities of their own. Not many years ago, it was believed the concept of children, especially boys, coming into life with a "blank slate" had been permanently shelved. Yet, here is Newberger, not only raising the issue again, but compiling a parenting guidebook based on that premise. An infirm foundation for such an important structure. [stephen a. haines - Ottawa, Canada]
Rating: 
Summary: A excellent book for parents of boys... and girls!
Review: As a child psychologist, I found Dr. Newberger's bookintelligent and compelling. The chapter on discipline and punishmentshould be required reading for all parents, whether they have boys or girls. It was especially refreshing to find a book that covers the dangers of all punishments, including time out, verbal punishment and loss of privileges, and not just spanking. As an alternative to punishment, the author offers "inductive discipline", which he describes as being "centered in the basic relationship between parent and child. It doesn't begin with a problem. It begins with your love for your child, and his attachment to you and respect for you. Above all, you don't want to react to behavioral problems in a way that threatens that relationship. You want to protect the relationship steadfastly, even fiercely. You want your son to see that you are above all protective of him, and happy with him." In my work, I call this "being on the child's side", and consider it to be the cornerstone of a healthy parent-child relationship. Here is a book that recognizes this key concept, and expands on it in an eloquent and thoughtful way. END
Rating:
Summary: An insightful look at the little-understood world of boys.
Review: Dr. Newberger's work is a kind and compassionate look at the nature-nurture of how our young men develop into men. Drawing on a vast reservoir of experience and insight he takes the reader into the mysterious world of boys; a world frought with hope and exploration, as well as dangers. I was especially encouraged by his treatment of bullying in this book because of the prevalence of the "culture of cruelty," in adolescence. Parents, counselors, teachers, mentors; anyone with an a vested interest in the well being of boys will find this book to be a valuable resource that will provide support. This book, unlike many other "pop-psych" type books, is very well researched (without being pedantic), and very well reasoned. As a counseling student in graduate school I have used this book several times as a reference. With the abuse of children reaching pandemic proportions, we need more men (as well as women) like Dr. Newberger using their insight of child development to advocate for better treatment of children. It is a tragedy of inexplicable proportions that we have the instances, and the severity of abuse that is rampant in this country. Dr. Newberger should be commended for such a fine book, as well as his dedication to the well being of children.
Rating: 
Summary: Newberger is long on promise and prose, short on delivery.
Review: Find a here a circuitous and often-ponderous vision of ideal parenting written by a preeminent expert in the field of child abuse. The central thesis which emerges, however vaguely, is that parents will either help or hinder the development of such characteristics as attachment, honesty, self-control, sportsmanship, and generosity in their sons. A laudable goal, to be sure, but this journey to perfect parenting is one laced heavily with irrelevant anecdotal accounts and frustrating contradictions. Among the countless contradictions the reader is asked to sort out is that of how to handle the most common question of what to do when baby is crying? "We can't--shouldn't--attend always and instantly to a baby's every cry; nor should we feel we've failed if we can't satisfy his every whim and prevent his crying at all," he writes on page 50. Yet, on page 51, he learned not to expect a response, or to expect an unkind one." So, do respond, though not necessarily immediately and to every cry, and respond well enough so that your baby doesn't stop crying completely because of your lack of response, because then it's time to worry. This may strike the reader as odd, until it emerges that cultural constraints imposed on boys such that they should not cry are potentially detrimental to their well-being. Then, this all begins to make some sense--at least to the extent that it is consistent with Newberger's overall hypothesis about boys and crying. While the book purports to celebrate in the differences between boys and girls, the reader is left with the vague impression that what really needs fixing in the parenting equation is that fathers should become more like mothers. "Fathers, in general, have ways of interacting with children that are different from those of mothers. They use more demands, more threats, and more put-down-language, especially with their sons. They also interrupt their children more than mothers do, and speak to them in terms that require more mental skill to understand than do the terms mothers use," writes Newberger. True to Newberger's sterling credentials as an "expert" in the field of child abuse by virtue of his having appeared as a witness for the prosecution in a number of high-profile child abuse cases, the reader should not be in the least surprised to learn that he, by virtue of being a parent, presents a potential threat to the well-being of his own children. Nowhere does this disturbing bias become more clear than in his suggestion Parents Anonymous should be part of the emergency telephone list in every home with children, and should be known to all members of the household and to every person who comes into the household to provide child care." Perhaps the best illustration of the peculiar theories of child development being advanced here is to be found in Newberger's chapter on sports. By his telling, the values being reinforced in children who participate in sports activities are "the core values of a society that has made sports into a business; individual competitiveness; a facade of self confidence; the demonstration of earnest effort; a provisional willingness to bear pain and injury for the greater good of the company, yet an apprehension that loyalty is pretty much a one-way street, not to be reciprocated if the company loses confidence in the value of he individual; indifference to those who lose out in competition; willingness to be aggressive and to injure others in the interests of one's team." Newberger argues that it is hardly surprising that "there are several prominent athletes being prosecuted for drug violations and sexual assaults, being pursued, despite seven-figure salaries, for non- payment of alimony and child support or in paternity suits." Beyond all that, says Newberger, "there lies an undercurrent of corruption among the administrators and officials of organized sports." The recent Olympics scandals would bear this out, says he. For these and other reasons, Newberger sees sportsmanship as something a boy likely brings to the sport, not vice versa. Because of the number of athletes who "offend against others, girls in particular," Newberger would have society impose rules about who is able to play in organized sports. Where does this all lead the reader? That for the minority of children participating in organized sports in adolescence, the experience "may actually impede moral development." The crucial value for every adolescent boy "is that he makes time for play that nurtures closeness, communication, self-reflection, the euphoria triggered by physical exertion, dreaming, and sheer, unbridled pleasure." On completion this book leaves the reader with the impression that he has sifted through the incoherent and contradictory ramblings of a child abuse expert who sees all parents as a potential threat to their children, and who seeks to emasculate adolescent males and their fathers, without ever finding the promised direction or guidance. Leave this book behind, and instead spend the time you'd have spent reading it with your children.
Rating:
Summary: Newberger is long on promise and prose, short on delivery.
Review: Find a here a circuitous and often-ponderous vision of ideal parenting written by a preeminent expert in the field of child abuse. The central thesis which emerges, however vaguely, is that parents will either help or hinder the development of such characteristics as attachment, honesty, self-control, sportsmanship, and generosity in their sons. A laudable goal, to be sure, but this journey to perfect parenting is one laced heavily with irrelevant anecdotal accounts and frustrating contradictions. Among the countless contradictions the reader is asked to sort out is that of how to handle the most common question of what to do when baby is crying? "We can't--shouldn't--attend always and instantly to a baby's every cry; nor should we feel we've failed if we can't satisfy his every whim and prevent his crying at all," he writes on page 50. Yet, on page 51, he learned not to expect a response, or to expect an unkind one." So, do respond, though not necessarily immediately and to every cry, and respond well enough so that your baby doesn't stop crying completely because of your lack of response, because then it's time to worry. This may strike the reader as odd, until it emerges that cultural constraints imposed on boys such that they should not cry are potentially detrimental to their well-being. Then, this all begins to make some sense--at least to the extent that it is consistent with Newberger's overall hypothesis about boys and crying. While the book purports to celebrate in the differences between boys and girls, the reader is left with the vague impression that what really needs fixing in the parenting equation is that fathers should become more like mothers. "Fathers, in general, have ways of interacting with children that are different from those of mothers. They use more demands, more threats, and more put-down-language, especially with their sons. They also interrupt their children more than mothers do, and speak to them in terms that require more mental skill to understand than do the terms mothers use," writes Newberger. True to Newberger's sterling credentials as an "expert" in the field of child abuse by virtue of his having appeared as a witness for the prosecution in a number of high-profile child abuse cases, the reader should not be in the least surprised to learn that he, by virtue of being a parent, presents a potential threat to the well-being of his own children. Nowhere does this disturbing bias become more clear than in his suggestion Parents Anonymous should be part of the emergency telephone list in every home with children, and should be known to all members of the household and to every person who comes into the household to provide child care." Perhaps the best illustration of the peculiar theories of child development being advanced here is to be found in Newberger's chapter on sports. By his telling, the values being reinforced in children who participate in sports activities are "the core values of a society that has made sports into a business; individual competitiveness; a facade of self confidence; the demonstration of earnest effort; a provisional willingness to bear pain and injury for the greater good of the company, yet an apprehension that loyalty is pretty much a one-way street, not to be reciprocated if the company loses confidence in the value of he individual; indifference to those who lose out in competition; willingness to be aggressive and to injure others in the interests of one's team." Newberger argues that it is hardly surprising that "there are several prominent athletes being prosecuted for drug violations and sexual assaults, being pursued, despite seven-figure salaries, for non- payment of alimony and child support or in paternity suits." Beyond all that, says Newberger, "there lies an undercurrent of corruption among the administrators and officials of organized sports." The recent Olympics scandals would bear this out, says he. For these and other reasons, Newberger sees sportsmanship as something a boy likely brings to the sport, not vice versa. Because of the number of athletes who "offend against others, girls in particular," Newberger would have society impose rules about who is able to play in organized sports. Where does this all lead the reader? That for the minority of children participating in organized sports in adolescence, the experience "may actually impede moral development." The crucial value for every adolescent boy "is that he makes time for play that nurtures closeness, communication, self-reflection, the euphoria triggered by physical exertion, dreaming, and sheer, unbridled pleasure." On completion this book leaves the reader with the impression that he has sifted through the incoherent and contradictory ramblings of a child abuse expert who sees all parents as a potential threat to their children, and who seeks to emasculate adolescent males and their fathers, without ever finding the promised direction or guidance. Leave this book behind, and instead spend the time you'd have spent reading it with your children.
Rating:
Summary: Informative, excellent book
Review: Great book with practical ideas on raising good boys. Most of all, it made sense to me. I'm so happy I read it and will continue to refer to it as my now 8 month baby boy grows up. It's really important to have books like this out there so we can get good guidance on raising good boys!
Rating:
Summary: Informative, excellent book
Review: Great book with practical ideas on raising good boys. Most of all, it made sense to me. I'm so happy I read it and will continue to refer to it as my now 8 month baby boy grows up. It's really important to have books like this out there so we can get good guidance on raising good boys!
Rating:
Summary: Eli Newberger isn't Fit to Write About Raising Ethical Boys
Review: I found the book interesting, but the other book reviews more interesting. Eli Newberger writes about raising ethical boys, and yet doesn't mind testifying in child protection cases contrary to his own opinions. He's testified in court that he thought spanking children was OK. On page 81, he writes that he thinks spanking should be outlawed in the United States. Is this the person you want to be consulting for advice on raising a moral child? Of course in the case he was testifying about, he used his background running the Boston Children's Hospital Child Protection clinic to give authority to a ridiculous and unscientific medical "opinion" medically that spanking was abusive. His ideas on raising boys are opinion. Believe him if you wish, but don't give credence to his ideas because of his lofty credentials. He has an agenda, and doesn't mind twisting the truth to convince you.
Rating:
Summary: An extraordinarily helpful read
Review: I heard Dr. Newberger interviewed on NPR and rushed right out to get this book. I was not disappointed. I could tell from the NPR interview that he cared deeply about the welfare of boys and his book bears this out. I have passed the book on to other mothers of boys and have suggested it to anyone who wants to better understand their son. Even more than helping to figure out our boys, this book offers concrete, workable ideas to help the boys themselves deal with daily struggles and frustrations. I cannot begin to tell you how powerful it was for my son to be able to look the school bully straight in the eyes, use well thought out words and stand his ground, shoulders back. The bully backed down and my son was empowered in a healthy way. These techniques and advice came straight from this book. My son and I went out for hamburgers one night and read some of the passages, which gave him these insights. It wasn't just his mom telling him the usual "just ignore him." I also much appreciated the section on discussing sexuality...to give my son a better perspective on transferring his sexual ideas to a "real live girl." This book has been invaluable to our household. My 5th grade son, a new kid in his school, has benefitted from Dr. Newberger's wisdom and insight. I am so glad to have logical, sensible guidance in the war against the "culture of cruelty."
|
