Men and Marriage

Rating:
Summary: Thoughtful and Concise
Review: George Gilder's Men and Marriage thoughtfully explores how single adult males differ from married adult males in a number of different ways, from income to mental illness. While denial of nature has been in vogue over the last 25 years or so when one gets enmeshed in the age-old "nature vs nurture" debate, GG shows how it is relevant and how both genders benefit from marriage in practical and intangible ways. Marriage socializes and/or tames men and as a result their energies are channeled in a more productive manner; everyone benefits. Thought provoking and highly recommended!

Rating:
Summary: not bad, not bad at all
Review: I just finished George Gilder's Men & Mariage, and I have to say that he makes a lot of good points. Since this is an updated version of his earlier Sexual Suicide, I would be interested in how much the statistics still need updating.

Gilder highlights some of the elements that would substatiate the fact that gender roles and the traditional family are the key to a healthy culture. I agree to some extent, but I feel that it is better stated that the health of a society is gauged on fidelity to Scripture... gender roles and the traditional family being but an aspect of that larger issue.

I enjoyed his style. He was just irreverent enough for me to laugh on occassion. All in all, I would have to recommend his book to others. Well done, George!

Rating:
Summary: Well written fiction
Review: In trying to counteract the perils of feminism in modern society without appearing too biased, Gilder goes ludicrously overboard by offering the "savage barbarian" thesis as an olive branch. In short, the all-consuming strength of the more societal and nurturing female is, according to Gilder, what 'straightens out' the otherwise savage and single human male. He offers as 'proof' such data as higher unemployment, mental illness, alcoholism, etc. among unmarried males. However, Gilder's claims---however beautifully written they may be---are not entirely accurate and are largely projections of his own philosophical agenda.

For example, unmarried people might have more of a tendency toward societal and/or psychological problems simply because their lack of socialization makes them more pre-disposed to such problems, not because they aren't married. You know, the fellow who doesn?t like people, who tends to be a loner, or who has never matured in maintaining *any* social relationship is not likely to get married let alone hold a job. In fact, Gilder fails to point out the epidemic of depression, alcoholism and other issues that can strike anyone----whether unmarried and ?barbaric?, or married with good jobs and nice families. Equally significant is the marked successes enjoyed by unmarried groups of males---countless hundreds of thousands who work as single professionals and choose bachelorhood for indefnite periods---perhaps as a ?trial? period to find a suitable mate, not to hunt for sexual prizes as predators. [Other successfull groups are liberated gay males who historically are among the more educated and higher achievers in society. I suppose that Gilder would respond by saying that gay men are less likely to be in the ?savage?category list and thus, more prone to toward culturization without the influence of wives. However, gay men are often just as sexually aggressive and masculine as their straight counterparts so where?s the inevitable barbarianism?] And what about the 50% infidelity rate among married men---many of whom have wonderful families and loving wives? Could it be that barbarianism never leaves the male, or that he is simply hardwired to always take part in the ?hunt?---despite the so-called powerful neutralizing influence of woman? Whatever the answers, Gilder?s grand over idealized scheme doesn?t seem to fit.

Another problem is Gilder?s notion that the primary subconscious motivation of intercourse is to bear children, not simply ?screw? around. But if true, then why do post-menopausal women enjoy sexual relations when they---and their body---know that children are not in the cards? Why do people often avoid, at all costs, the bearing of offspring via birth control and sometimes even abortion?

Gilder?s book is not without merit, as the idea of the nurturing female sensibilities counterbalancing the sometimes cruder and more aggressive male nature is probably somewhat accurate. And it?s also true that the push for women to act more like men has indeed made society a more crass and cruder place---but not necessarily because men are crass, but perhaps because women are acting less like women and losing the moral impetus of males to play more chivalrous and respectable mating roles? In conclusion, to simply assign all-consuming power to womanhood as the sole balancing act in society and to render, by default, males as pretty much hopeless brutes unable to change sans the influence of their counterparts *is* cynical, ridiculously sexist, and without any scientific basis whatsoever. [Imagine the reverse being written---that women would basically self-destruct without the presence of men?? A national outcry on Capital Hill would occur.] Perhaps Mr. Gilder might try a different tack that avoids trashing men, and sucking up to women as the master saviors of the human race.

Rating:
Summary: An Outstanding Work
Review: Men and Marriage benefits the modern reader in a number of ways. Providing excellent data and analysis on males and females in modern society, the book enables its reader to better understand the modern controversy over men and women's respective roles in society. Gilder feels that one of modern society's key problems is its denials of the differences between the sexes and, as a logical corollary, its denial of appropriate roles. He writes, "Though rejecting feminist politics and lesbian posturing, American culture has absorbed the underlying ideology like a sponge. The principal tenets of sexual liberation or sexual liberalism--the obsolescence of masculinity and femininity, of sex roles, and of heterosexual monogamy as the moral norm--have diffused through the system and become part of America's conventional wisdom." Gilder has also performed an invaluable service by providing relevant material for couples and singles. Gilder wants the single woman to u! nderstand that if she decides to sacrifice her twenties on the altar of career, she could easily find herself a celibate priest serving that altar for the rest of her life. Gilder reports that Yale and Harvard sociologists, after analyzing census data, concluded that a woman who waits until her mid-thirties only has a 5% chance of getting married. The author also has much to say to the single man. Of the most unique and striking of Gilder's observations on the sexes is his contention that the average single man struggles with an inherent irresponsibility that only marriage can cure. While this assertion may have had a secure, albeit covert, place in yesterday's conventional wisdom, Gilder boldly presents the thesis with impressive statistical support. Single men are 30% more likely than single women to be unemployed. If they get a job, the single man will make very little more than his single girlfriend, in striking contrast to the substantial earning power of the married! man who takes home 70% more income. Single college gradua! tes will normally earn about the same as married graduates of high school. Gilder suggests, "It could well be more important for an ambitious young man to get married than to go to college" (p. 63). Demographically, except possibly for the divorced, the single most disturbed group in the United States is single men. Between the ages of 25 and 65 the single man is 30% more likely than single women to be depressed. He is 30% more likely to exhibit a tendency toward phobias and passivity. The unmarried man is three times more likely to experience a nervous breakdown and 22 times more likely to be committed to an institution because of mental disease. And these statistics are not just cause for sympathy for the single man, but a cause for concern. For 90% of all violent crime is committed by single men even though above the age of 14 they only make up about 13% of the population. The statistics and analyses that Gilder provides on singleness leads to another vita! l area that he addresses. A theme that Gilder resounds with great force is the degree to which a healthy society is in fact dependent on the health of its families. He writes, "As a social institution, marriage transcends all individuals. The health of a society, its collective vitality, ultimately resides in its concern for the future, its sense of a connection with generations to come" (p. 16). While the first six chapters of the Gilder's tome, which focus on sexual roles, are easily worth price of the book; its remainder is a tour de force on the relationship of modern sexual thought and the ghetto, welfare, homosexuality, the workplace, education, politics, and biogenetic engineering. While many will view this work as an anachronistic throwback to the 50s, it's empirical support of its major theses gives the reader pause.

Rating:
Summary: Single men may go crazy if they don't get married
Review: Single men are criminal barbarians if they don't get married. Single men don't pay the bills and don't hold down their low paying jobs. Offended yet? Gilder does have evidence to back up what he has to say, although as single man, I can't say that all the pathologies that he says I might have, apply to me. Isolation that men gravitate towards does cause loneliness and a sense that your out of the life force's loop, so to speak. And isolation leads to depression, which may lead to suicide. He says that men are happier married, although to him them talk about their wives and kids, you'd never know. If a man gets divorced, will he be worse off than when we was just single? Gilder doesn't delve into this question much. But it's nice to see someone defending marraige, which is a rarity these days. Most of the time I hear that's it's hard work or that it's tough or you shouldn't get married if you're not sure you're compatible. I even hear this from traditional Christian media that believe in marraige but doesn't sell it too well when they emphasize the problems of marraige all the time. So if anyone is happily married, I would never know. But I think marraige may become a thing of the past since more and more people are living together in unstable relationships that eventually end, often producing children as well. It is hard to get married if no one in society wants to get married anymore. He also points out that male sexuality is based on meaningless pleasure than leads to no where and does not lead him into becoming a husband and father which would give him a meaningful role in life. A man has to be pushed into this by society, for his own good, even though initially he sees this as oppressive. Society no longer does that enough to goad men into marraige. The meaningless hedonism continues. Gilder believes that the traditional sex roles uphold the the foundations of society and are not to be tampered with.

Rating:
Summary: Essential reading for anyone who values the American family.
Review: The important "facts of life." Well researched, well written, and covers a wide range of human experience. Discusses the roles of men and women in modern society.

Rating:
Summary: A wonderful, wonderful book
Review: This book is as true as the day it was first published. Men truly need women, as the author writes, to "socialize and civilize" them. Without the influence of women, men are left to their own devices, and become slaves to their passions, which generally results in what would be termed "anti-social" behavior. "Radical feminism" is not good for this country, or any other. Rather than trying to make the sexes "equal", we should appreciate the differences. The author notes it is these differences that make society "work". This book is a great little gem, and definitely worth your time.