Rating: 
Summary: Excellent, insightful parenting guide.
Review: Brad Sachs, Ph.D., is a family psychologist, founder and director of the Father Center and author of numerous articles and books. His website is .... His book is well-written and accessible with a very thorough index and table of contents. However, he does not provide a list of resources or recommended books, which can often be a useful addition to a book like this.I think the premiere concept in this book--it is completely brilliant and for itself alone is worth the price of admission--is the section on forgiving. In it, the author states, "In a balanced partnership between two people, there will be an ebb and flow between giving and getting that evens out over time and creates a sense of relationship balance." He labels this the "process of constructive entitlement," a normal and healthy expectation in relationships that when you give you get something back. Unfortunately, our search for relationship balance can become destructive when we unconsciously insist our children "redress imbalances that =did not= originate with them and may not even have anything to do with them." The author lists multiple categories of unspoken, unconscious expectations parents frequently have which can prevent us from seeing out child as "good enough." These include the following: (1) Having a child as a kind of "offering" to our own parents, "as if the child were a gift or repayment on a loan." Love and respect for the grandparents is forced on our child, rather than allowing it to happen naturally. Because this rarely works, it can cause pain to all involved. (2) Having a child to replace someone very close to us who died, including another child of our own or a close family member. Since "no person can every truly replace another," this dumps an enormous burden on the replacement child, often leaving him/her feeling inadequate and unloved for the very one he or she is. (3) Having a child as a way of reliving a wonderful childhood or vicariously experiencing through our child the wonderful childhood we did not have. Unfortunately, giving our child what we had or wished we could have had may not be well received by our child. His/her personality may be very different from ours, and our "meat" may be his/her "poison." (4) Having a child to make up for our past failures. Sadly, in this case, the child is often expected to live up to a far higher standard than the parent ever managed, including in the present, and the talents and desires of the child are ignored or scorned in favor of the parent's agenda. (5) Having a child to heal a failing marriage. Too often the reality of the intense demands of parenting puts the final nail in the coffin of a weak marriage rather than healing it. (6) Having a child to purify or decontaminate ourselves. Whatever part of us we have hated and disowned, including our very human need to be loved and nurtured--which makes us frighteningly vulnerable--we often hate and disown in our child. Once we figure out what category we fall into (most of us fall into at least one, sometimes more), we are then instructed how to forgive our child for not being the "desirable fantasy child" that we expected to have, and instead accept the "undesirable reality child" who has often "disrupted" the "equilibrium" of our lives. We can then stop forcing our child to live up to agreements he or she never made (agreements to fulfill any or all of the above fantasy expectations). Throughout the book, the author provides concrete exercises to help the reader implement his suggestions. Some of these include relaxing breathing, visualizing, making tapes to listen to, and thinking or writing about specific concerns. All of these exercises are provided to allow us to become aware of what we are actually thinking and feeling in relation to our children, rather than relating to them in an automatic, unthinking, mutually painful ways.
Rating:
Summary: Perfectly Satisfied!
Review: Dr. Sachs's THE GOOD ENOUGH CHILD: HOW TO HAVE AN IMPERFECT FAMILY AND BE PERFECTLY SATISFIED, was a wonderful book to read. This is not because it excused me from the responsibilities of parenthood, but because it helped me to think carefully about how much responsibility is my own, and how much is my child's. I found the exercises at the end of each chapter particularly helpful when it came to putting into practice what Dr. Sachs recommended--by the end of the book, I was not only able to see my children in a more positive light, I was able to see myself and my husband in a more positive light, as well. THE GOOD ENOUGH CHILD doesn't profess to provide a simplistic answer to every childrearing question. What it does do is help parents to trust themselves and their own instincts, to make a distinction between "what they want for their child and what they want from their from child", and to release themselves from the burden of unrealistic expectations for family life. For these reasons, I found THE GOOD ENOUGH CHILD to be both a fascinating and liberating look at the challenge of contemporary parenting.
Rating:
Summary: Perfectly Satisfied!
Review: Dr. Sachs's THE GOOD ENOUGH CHILD: HOW TO HAVE AN IMPERFECT FAMILY AND BE PERFECTLY SATISFIED, was a wonderful book to read. This is not because it excused me from the responsibilities of parenthood, but because it helped me to think carefully about how much responsibility is my own, and how much is my child's. I found the exercises at the end of each chapter particularly helpful when it came to putting into practice what Dr. Sachs recommended--by the end of the book, I was not only able to see my children in a more positive light, I was able to see myself and my husband in a more positive light, as well. THE GOOD ENOUGH CHILD doesn't profess to provide a simplistic answer to every childrearing question. What it does do is help parents to trust themselves and their own instincts, to make a distinction between "what they want for their child and what they want from their from child", and to release themselves from the burden of unrealistic expectations for family life. For these reasons, I found THE GOOD ENOUGH CHILD to be both a fascinating and liberating look at the challenge of contemporary parenting.
Rating:
Summary: How Did He Know?
Review: How did Dr. Sachs know what goes on inside my head so much of the time while raising my two children? Continuing the thoughtful, good-natured, but telling approach of his first book, THINGS JUST HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME: MAKING THE TRANSITION FROM MARRIAGE TO PARENTHOOD, the author follows parents along the developmental continuum, and helps us to adjust now that our children have gotten past infancy and toddlerhood. Taking on the most common, but vexing, parental dilemmas, Dr. Sachs guides the reader along a compassionate but firm childrearing path that, ultimately, asks us to look within ourselves and distinguish between "what we want for our children and what we want from our children." Eschewing a quickie, instant-gratification approach, readers are encouraged to examine the expectations that the bring both to their children and to themselves, and to bein to make a distinction between the realistic and unrealistic ones. The exercises at the end of each chapter are quite helpful in making the theoretical more practical, and the stories from his practice are truly inspirational: ordinary individuals taking extraordinary steps in the direction of true acceptance and love. This is certainly one of the five best parenting books I've ever read (I'd include his first one in the list!), and one that I can imagine re-reading several years down the road, just to get a refresher course. Get it and read it--you, and your children, will be grateful!
Rating:
Summary: I'm Not Alone
Review: The Good Enough Child helped me to see that I am not alone, that I am not the only parent who finds herself, at times, living through her children, defining herself based on their achievements and accomplishments (or lack thereof!), and having difficulty accepting them for who they are. What's different is that this is the first book I've read that gave me some concrete ideas and strategies for how to adopt a more compassionate, open-minded glimpse of my children. By inviting me to examine the origins of my expectations for my children, and to contemplate the radical notion of forgiving both myself, and my children, for my/their imperfections, I felt a palpable sense of relief and reassurance upon completing the book. Plus, the case studies were beautiful, touching and immensely real--it really read like a novel! Without lecturing or sermonizing, Dr. Sachs helps the reader up onto the path of true acceptance, and in the process does both parent and child a great service. Luanne Hubble
Rating:
Summary: Better than "Good Enough"
Review: The Good Enough Child is the first parenting book I've read that was written as if the author resided in my own head and heart. Dr. Sachs addressed so many of the concerns I've wrestled with with much wit and wisdom--it was clear that he not only has dived deeply into these issues clinically, but also personally--that, I believe, is what made his work so compelling, and so masterful. If you want a realistic portrait of parenthood,and want to relieve yourself and your children of unrealistic expectations, take a good look at The Good Enough Child--it'll be well worth the time, and, one day, your good enough children will thank you for it.
Rating:
Summary: Comfort and Joy
Review: The Good Enough Child moved me to tears. I so rarely come across parenting books written by clinicians who actually appear to be parents. Dr. Sachs's advice was practical and astute, his understanding of children sensitive and compassionate, his writing style engaging and endearing. I loved the case studies, and saw myself (or people that I know!) in almost every single one--they were illuminating and inspiring. Should cloning ever become viable, I am hopeful that Dr. Sachs takes advantage of this option, and makes himself even more available than he already is. The Good Enough Child is a wondrous, wonderful book--read it, and you will re-experience the comfort and joy that come from truly accepting your children for simply being who they are.
Rating:
Summary: Good Enough For Me
Review: The reviews state that if you read "one book about parenting, make it this one." High praise, but worth it. Without oversimplifying, or being overly reassuring, the author helps parents understand the conscious and subconscious narratives that they bring to parenthood, and enables them to see their children, and their interactions with their children, in a new light. The five-stage framework (Uncovering, Acknowledging, Understanding, Forgiving, Changing) is an accessible and thoughtful one, as are the chapters on marriage and divorce, and the ways in which our perceptions of our children are also filtered through our partner's lens. Highly readable, thought-provoking, realistic, and good-natured, THE GOOD ENOUGH CHILD was a wonderful book on a daunting topic.
Rating:
Summary: Good Enough For Me
Review: The reviews state that if you read "one book about parenting, make it this one." High praise, but worth it. Without oversimplifying, or being overly reassuring, the author helps parents understand the conscious and subconscious narratives that they bring to parenthood, and enables them to see their children, and their interactions with their children, in a new light. The five-stage framework (Uncovering, Acknowledging, Understanding, Forgiving, Changing) is an accessible and thoughtful one, as are the chapters on marriage and divorce, and the ways in which our perceptions of our children are also filtered through our partner's lens. Highly readable, thought-provoking, realistic, and good-natured, THE GOOD ENOUGH CHILD was a wonderful book on a daunting topic.
Rating:
Summary: Good Enough For Me
Review: The reviews state that if you read "one book about parenting, make it this one." High praise, but worth it. Without oversimplifying, or being overly reassuring, the author helps parents understand the conscious and subconscious narratives that they bring to parenthood, and enables them to see their children, and their interactions with their children, in a new light. The five-stage framework (Uncovering, Acknowledging, Understanding, Forgiving, Changing) is an accessible and thoughtful one, as are the chapters on marriage and divorce, and the ways in which our perceptions of our children are also filtered through our partner's lens. Highly readable, thought-provoking, realistic, and good-natured, THE GOOD ENOUGH CHILD was a wonderful book on a daunting topic.
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