How Do We Tell the Children?: A Step-by-Step Guide for Helping Children Cope When Someone Dies, Third Edition

Rating:
Summary: How to Help Grieving Children
Review: This book has excellent information about what children at each stage of development are likely to think and feel about the death of someone close to them. However, the suggested ways of dealing with those feelings were somewhat limited, and allowed little flexibility for differing family circumstances. For example, the book is extremely critical of ways religious families may choose to explain death to children, claiming that many religiously based explanations may lead a child to believe the person may be coming back someday. The book also asserts that a closed casket is the ultimate form of denial of the death, and that even young children should attend funerals. Many recommendations, like the three mentioned above, might or might not be right for a family trying to cope with a death. Overall a good resource for understanding a child's possible perceptions, but not so good for determining how to address them.

Rating:
Summary: good advice, narrow perspective
Review: This book has excellent information about what children at each stage of development are likely to think and feel about the death of someone close to them. However, the suggested ways of dealing with those feelings were somewhat limited, and allowed little flexibility for differing family circumstances. For example, the book is extremely critical of ways religious families may choose to explain death to children, claiming that many religiously based explanations may lead a child to believe the person may be coming back someday. The book also asserts that a closed casket is the ultimate form of denial of the death, and that even young children should attend funerals. Many recommendations, like the three mentioned above, might or might not be right for a family trying to cope with a death. Overall a good resource for understanding a child's possible perceptions, but not so good for determining how to address them.

Rating:
Summary: How to Help Grieving Children
Review: This is a clearly written book by a funeral director and psychologist. It provides helpful suggestions to parents and caregivers on how to inform children of death in many different situations. It respects the child's need to know what has happened in a way that is appropriate for his or her age. It discusses listening to children's thoughts and feelings and addressing common misperceptions. There is an excellent quick reference crisis section at the end of the book that clearly outlines various kinds of deaths, suggestions as to how to explain them to children in different age groups, and how to prepare them for what comes next. This is an excellent book to guide parents whose own grief may be interfering with their thinking about how to help their children. As a grief counselor at the Barr-Harris Children's Grief Center, I highly recommend it.