Tough Times, Strong Children : Lessons from the Past for Your Children's Future

Rating:
Summary: Real People, Real Stories (some borrowed from Bowlby)
Review: Dan Kindlon, Ph.D., understands that helping children deal with their emotions is important, but moreover believes that "...the ability to move on..." is equally significant (Kindlon, 2003). Kindlon refrains from labeling family structures and parenting styles. His book makes use of personal examples in an attempt to get the word across. However, it is my individual opinion that some of Kindlon's personal beliefs get in the way of the noteworthy advice he has to share. For example, Kindlon states, "A kid in inner-city Chicago grows up faster than Julia, who goes to school in Wellesley" (Kindlon, 2003). Kindlon uses his own family in many examples, and refers to his daughter, Julia, extensively. The fact remains that kids in urban metropolises "grow up" at the same rate as kids in rural America. Surely no one can dispute the fact that stress (a focal point of Kindlon's book) transpires everywhere. Domestic abuse, drug problems, financial instability, death, illness, and other major causes of stress are not reserved for urbanites. I appreciated the flow of Kindlon's book, and felt that he was easily able to move from one topic to another. Kindlon's book differs from others on the market because he does not label parent and family structures. Rather, Kindlon identifies with a more Ethological theory, or a study of behavior based on evolution. In this sense, Kindlon does not give us statistical evidence based on random sampling questionnaires. All of his stories and antidotes come from real people in their natural settings. He strongly believes in early bonding and a child's attachment with his or her caregiver. Kindlon tells us that:
children who have a strong bond with a caregiver - a secure attachment - tend to be more competent; they are better problem solvers... have better relations with their peers, higher self esteem, and fewer mental-health problems than children with insecure attachment.
Rather than taking old ideas and rewording them as his own, Kindlon appropriately cites his sources as borrowed from human development ethologist, John Bowlby. According to William Crain, Bowlby found through his research that children who did not establish a strong and meaningful bond with a parent or caregiver would grow to become an "affectionless character" (Crain, 2000). These individuals "...use people solely for their own ends and seem incapable of forming a loving, lasting tie to another person". Kindlon agrees with Bowlby's theories that attachment is "...important for later psychological health". However, healing is possible if the growing child can establish a meaningful relationship outside of the home.