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Summary: For Parents Too!
Review: I am the parent of two adult children of divorce. For thirteen years since our family divorce, I have been seeking closure to this very painful experience. My concerns have been mainly for my adult children, because I think in they are the ones who have been hurt the most. My ex-husband and I seemed to move more easily into our new lives. This book is a MUST for divorced parents like me who want to understand their adult children better. I'm sure that other parents will find themselves and their ex-spouses in these pages as well as their children. After reading this book, I sent copies to my daughter, son, and ex-husband. It has opened new and productive dialogue in our family. With thirteen years behind us, we can all put the situation into better perspective and move ahead in our various lives.
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Summary: Thank you for giving us a voice!
Review: I bought this book as a divorcing mother trying to help my children through this as easily as possible. Seeing the results and lasting effects of some of mine and my ex's actions has helped me hold onto my resolve to avoid subjecting them to constant conflict as much as possible.I highly recommend this book to divorcing parents as well as children of divorce. It's like having a crystal ball and being able to see some of the effect you might be having on your children while going through this difficult time. It also gave me insight into what my kids might be going through but not willing or able to share.
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Summary: Exactly what I needed to hear.
Review: I bought this book as a divorcing mother trying to help my children through this as easily as possible. Seeing the results and lasting effects of some of mine and my ex's actions has helped me hold onto my resolve to avoid subjecting them to constant conflict as much as possible. I highly recommend this book to divorcing parents as well as children of divorce. It's like having a crystal ball and being able to see some of the effect you might be having on your children while going through this difficult time. It also gave me insight into what my kids might be going through but not willing or able to share.
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Summary: A book that looks at the real issues.
Review: I bought this book upon recommendation. My parents are not divorced, I must admit, and therefore I may not be the perfect reader for this book. But nevertheless, I found it fascinating. There was a passion on the part of the author for the subject matter, which enabled her to write with a certain clarity and elegance. Moreover, this book could so easily have turned into a semi-academic work. But instead the author brings out the `soft' issues of divorce and its impact, with some success - arguably this is a greater challenge. Most importantly, it is what most adult children of divorce are seeking. The author mentions near the end that writing this book was a difficult experience for her. I think many readers who are from similar backgounds to her will have found in this book answers to nagging questions, and therefore will be thankful to the author for having undertaken the writing.
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Summary: Thank you for giving us a voice!
Review: I'm so glad I found this book! For a long time I have been trying to figure out how my parents' divorce 25 years ago has affected me. The stories in this book and the author's insight gave me a comforting "legitimacy" for my feelings and helped me to verbalize them. It made me realize that I'm not alone. Staal discusses many issues that arise during and after parents divorce, like how money is often equated with love, how all family relationships change, how the history of a family is revised. She describes why many adult children of divorce usually show three different types of behavior in their romantic relationships: "the nester," "the wary investor" and the "commitment-phobe." Immediately after finishing the last page, I ordered copies for my mother, my father, and my sister with the hope that we can start to talk more openly about what happened in our family. I don't usually buy self-help books, but this book isn't like that. It's beautifully written. The author includes her own emotions and personal experiences from her parents' divorce, and some of her memories were so sad, I cried. I never felt like she was preaching or telling me there was something wrong with me. Rather, I felt like I was talking to a good friend who could understand where I was coming from. Within the pages of this book, I read passages that could have come from my own journal. I heard my own voice. It is a must read for all adult children of divorce - or anyone whose life has been touched by divorce.
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Summary: This book is about me...
Review: It's as if the author was in my life and wrote about it. She has incredible insight and writing ability. I've read dozens of self-help books, but none have really helped me to figure out why I react the way I do in certain situations. It had never occurred to me that it is a result of a divorce that happened when I was six. A lot of bad memories that I had buried long ago came flooding back to me when I read accounts of other's experiences. This would seem bad, but in fact I now understand so much more and I can begin healing and work on the issues in my own relationship that are a direct result of my past. I highly recommend this to any child of divorce, even if you feel you are past it. I'm buying another copy for my sister right now!
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Summary: The Love They Lost - The Understanding I Found
Review: This book is truly a one of a kind. I have long searched for something, anything that I can relate to about divorce and I was so happy to find The Love They Lost. Stephanie Staal has written a honest and insightful account of what it feels like to be a child of divorce from separation to remarriages. She uses her own experiences to take us in the world too many of us are familiar with, and then shares with us the findings of her numerous interviews with adults that grew up in divorced families. Yet the book is much more then sharing stories, it provides comprehensive thoughts on how being a child of divorce affects more then just your childhood. It ends on the thought that no matter what happened in your past, your future is up to you. This book opened my eyes and it gave me the language to express my feelings towards my parents divorce. I am so thankful I read this book for what it has done and continues to do for me.
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Summary: The Love They Lost - The Understanding I Found
Review: This book is truly a one of a kind. I have long searched for something, anything that I can relate to about divorce and I was so happy to find The Love They Lost. Stephanie Staal has written a honest and insightful account of what it feels like to be a child of divorce from separation to remarriages. She uses her own experiences to take us in the world too many of us are familiar with, and then shares with us the findings of her numerous interviews with adults that grew up in divorced families. Yet the book is much more then sharing stories, it provides comprehensive thoughts on how being a child of divorce affects more then just your childhood. It ends on the thought that no matter what happened in your past, your future is up to you. This book opened my eyes and it gave me the language to express my feelings towards my parents divorce. I am so thankful I read this book for what it has done and continues to do for me.
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Summary: thank you, Staal
Review: This book makes an easy-reading companion piece to Judith Wallerstein's 25 year study of divorce. It's not filled up with case studies or self-help platitudes, but stories that ring true and are pretty much guaranteed to get you re-living memories of your own parent's divorce. The various stories are personal and full of emotion, but generally avoid specific blame and try to simply recount childhood experiences of confusion and change. Staal writes about her own experience with clarity, and she has done a remarkable job relating personal experiences to others who similarly put a lid on their own feelings until reaching maturity. Adults who are discovering that their parent's divorce continues to affect them will find themselves in these pages; happily, Staal leaves readers to draw their own conclusions about the material she has collected. The later chapters that concern adult children of divorce seeking their own long-term relationships seem to show the same results that Wallerstein's book does--that when parent's divorce, children often realize the strongest effects of that divorce when attempting to achieve true intimacy with their primary partner.
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Summary: I Found Myself in this Book...I highly recommend!!!!!!!!!!!!
Review: This is the most amazing book I have ever read. I highly recommend this book to everyone! I had to buy the book for a few of my friends, who are children of divorce. It allowed me to understand the way I am, and why I handle myself the way I do, when it comes to relationships. At the time of my parents divorce, I had to be strong and was a little adult and grew up too fast because of it. Yet I dealt with it and moved on. Yet I never realized that in later years the impact of the divorce would paralyze my future relationships. This book put into perspective of why I have felt the way I did, and that I am not alone.
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