Rating: 
Summary: wished never bought this crap!
Review: I'm really happy Jeffers is not the grandma of my baby. She would never babysit, considered it is a pressure for mum to breastfeed (she's not pressured on how hospitals, heath care workers and commercials pushes formula to our infant especially in third world country where after mum's milk dried out since baby never suck, mum don't have enough money to buy formula!) and tantrum equals brat.Breast is for everyone Ms Jeffers. It is really weird how the Western society see breast as sex toy and not, quoting Jeffers mum " an unclean, disgusting practice"
But of course, breast is not for baby if mum has AIDS. And the full time parents part. Unlike others, she makes the Stay At Home Mum feels guilty of "being there for the child". My mum is working at home. There's nothing happier while I'm still at school to come home and see mum at home. Of course not all of us have the priveleges to find mum always at home. But Jeffers makes us feel "bad" to stay at home with our baby. Quoting from her line on page 153 : If a child-care book makes you feel guilty, throw the book in the garbage where it belongs!
There you have it Ms Jeffers, yours on my garbage can!
Rating: 
Summary: Interesting point of view
Review: I'm trying to decide whether or not to have kids, and I'm finding this book very interesting. While I do see the points of what some of these critics are saying-Jeffers is strangely negative for a woman with four kids (two biological and two step) and this book doesn't use a lot of research, just experiental anecdotes-I think it's worth reading. The negatives of parenting, and the facts that people need to have before deciding to become parents-often get glossed over and prettied up. As a thirtysomething married woman with dozens of pregnant friends and lots of family pressure to reproduce, I'm happy to read at least have one book that provides another perspective. I don't hate kids and don't think Jeffers does either. She's written a book trying to expose the hardships of parenthood, so those expecting her to wax poetically about angelic infants and perfect toddlers just didn't get the right book. Bravo for at least opening a dialogue! Whether or not I ever have kiddos, I'll be glad I read a straight-talking book like this.
Rating:
Summary: Simplistic, jaded view of parenthood
Review: I've never before written a book review, but I felt that I had to give a heads up to both parents and would-be parents about this mean-spirited book. A friend had heard about "I'm Okay..." and recommended it to me. I'm the working mom of a 10-month-old, and I'm dealing with my own ambivalence toward parenthood -- it's not the perpetually-swept-up-with-joyous-emotion fairytale that I had thought it would be. So I'm not starry-eyed about raising a kid. This book is obnoxious. It focuses almost entirely on the negatives of parenting, and in so doing, gives a distorted view of the experience. And it does so with such smugness. The author seems to think it's cute to proclaim more than once that she'll never baby-sit any future grandkids. (Gee, no babysitting... how hip!) To save you from plunking out your hard-earned money, I'll give you my quickie synopsis: Susan Jeffers proposes that most people are not born with the "I like being a parent" instinct, therefore most people really dislike the experience. Only they never mention it due to social taboos. So essentially, almost everyone with kids is miserable throughout just about the entire experience but won't discuss it. (By the way, your relationship with your spouse could be ruined forever and even if it isn't, you probably won't have regular sex for at least a decade.) In Ms. Jeffers view, it's okay for parents to hate parenting because children and adolescents are such brats. And kids are destined in the future to blame their parents for everything wrong with their lives anyway, so a parent can't win. But parents aren't to blame for a child's problems because so many factors contribute to how a child turns out. Who can say what effect a parent has on a child? So don't feel guilty about however you treated your kid, provided that you didn't actually abuse him or her. I'll stop here. Clearly, the ambivalence of parenthood is a topic that should be the subject of not one, but many books. "I'm Okay, You're a Brat" isn't one of them. Rather, the book portrays parenting in the most unflattering light possible by piling up the worst-case scenarios. People who don't want kids will doubtless see the book as validation for their own decision to remain childless. But parents won't find practical suggestions on how to feel less stressed out or disappointed with the day-to-day struggles of parenthood. Perhaps we're supposed to feel happier knowing that everyone's secretly miserable? In a way, though, I found that reading "I'm Okay..." did benefit me. Despite my ambivalence about being a mom, I feel a hell of a lot better than this book suggests I'm supposed to feel.
Rating: 
Summary: Happy Healthy Parenting
Review: My husband and I found this to be a valuable book, affirming what we already believe about parenting: Our children are important to our lives, but they are not the supreme center of our lives. Anyone who does not already hold that point of view would probably dislike this book. I don't agree with everything Jeffers says. And it is not important that I do. Jeffers says in the beginning: Take what you can use and discard the rest. One of the important themes of I'm Okay is that our society is full of guilt-peddlers, who will tell you exactly how your child should be raised and mostly point out to you everything you're doing wrong. "How can you leave your child with the grandparents overnight so that you and your husband can get away? Won't you miss her? I could never do that!" The guilt-peddlers tell us whether or not we should sleep with our child, whether or not we should breast feed, whether or not we should work, what kinds of food we should give them... And since the "right thing" to do is constantly changing with our culture, Susan Jeffers suggests that we should treat those things as fads, and do what we, the parent, feel is best for our child and ourselves. This is NOT a selfish point of view. Happy parents have a much better chance of raising happy, healthy children. Jeffers suggests that happy parents are those who: know that they cannot control everything and therefore can let go (like in The Serenity Prayer); set boundaries over which the children and guilt-peddlers cannot cross; have a balanced life pursuing hobbies and interests outside of their children. Jeffers suggests that parents (especially mothers) who make their children the center of existence, who do nothing for themselves or for their marital relationship, who believe what the guilt-peddlers tell them, are generally miserable and don't know why. I don't believe that Jeffers is discouraging parenthood; she just believes that idealism can make it unbearable. You need to accept reality: that children can be brats and it's not your fault. (When a child has a temper tantrum in a store, there is no discipline technique in the world that will not be criticized by observers. So do what you think is right, and ignore everybody else.) You don't have to bring soda and cookies to Scouts; they don't need it! You are allowed to take the afternoon and read a book or go shopping; it's not selfish. You and your spouse should have a romantic evening out; what's good for you is ultimately good for the child -- and besides (and maybe more importantly) it's good for YOU. The one thing that bothered me about the book was Susan Jeffer's proud assertion that she would not babysit for her grandkids. Since she makes it clear that "time away" for the parents is essential to parental mental health, it seems a real shame that she won't assist her own children to achieve this. (Not to mention the opportunity to have a relationship with the grandchildren.) Not everyone can afford a nanny, Susan!
Rating: 
Summary: Sometimes parents are the problem.
Review: Some of the book is accurate. This book lacks the kind of academic, compelling research I would like to see. I've found that kind of research in "The Case for Marriage", mixed with advice based on the research. Dr. Jeffers commits the philosophical fallacy of believing that her experience and her friends' and acqaintences' experiences represent universal truths about parenthood. There is very little solid research here on anyone, with an emphasis on anecdotes from the experiences of people who are white, highly educated, and upper middle class. Divorce, for instance, has a very small role in her analysis of why parenting is hard, while we know from research that it plays a major role in parenting satifaction. She, her friends, and acquaintences are bound by similiar geographic and educational experiences that make them similiar. Every good social scientist knows this- that's why we can't make general claims off of one person's experience. Some problems she claims are normal are simply bad parenting. The research is clear that parents do have a very specific influence on children's choices on drugs, sex, education, etc. That she dismisses years of reputable research, especially research based on the National Longitudinal Study data, exposes her as an incompetent researcher. She just doesn't know the survey of research in her field, and from her remarks, probably has no wish to. Had she demolished the motherhood myth with research from her field, her book would have been more compelling. Several things she cites as "pains" of parenthood can be prevented by certain parenting techniques. "Ferbering" can help with the sleep deprivation. Fast, tailored discipline helps with the tantrums. Teenagers who are obnoxious and disrepectful do so becasue they get away with it. When the parents respond with discipline, whether by removing priviledges, destroying the Playstation game, or removing the phone, they behave better. Most teenage behavior is culturally induced. Parents of homeschooled kids who limit contact don't have the same kinds of problems. The book should have addressed the fact that parents don't get support for effective discipline. THe "gurus" she castigates have done most of their damage in the spanking/discipline debate. One of her myths should have been that spanking is always child abuse and ineffective. New research, and better analysis of old research, disproves this. The permissive culture we live in creates the "obnoxious" kids we deal with. Dr. Jeffers is not a researcher. She is in family practice. She does not have juried research published in her field. To be blunt, she's a popular writer. She has very little context to place her own experiences in her practice in. This leads her to see them as universal, when others with different backgrounds do not. Perhaps most disturbing is her assertion that work saves women from the craziness of motherhood. Black women watched this idiotic premise take over the women's movement with the publication of Susan Brownmiller's "Feminity" and Freidan's works. We have always worked, and we have always argued that the problem is not parenthood per se nor the children, but the inflexibility of a society that refuses the acknowledge the needs of children. Just as academic and popular feminism is finally moving to accept this argument, buttresses by research and the long experience of middle class black women's lives, here comes a seventies white feminist to assert the same tired trivia. Working doesn't keep women sane. Balancing work and family, with the help of a community does. The self-indulgence whining of this book resounds among people with serious parenting problems. WHen your children face drive by shootings, drugs, etc, this author simply implys, "Too bad. Shouldn't have had them. We are not going to work to make society safer, or your lives easier." I devoured academic, not popular, literature when I was pregnant. I don't listen to the popular "gurus", as Jeffers refers to them. I have found Internet parenting forums, academic books, and articles give better advice for managing parenting than this book does. Dr. Jeffers didn't like parenting, and falsely extrapolates that most people also must not like parenting, and those who do are "hardwired" for it. That's not supported by biology, psychology, or anything else. SOme people learn more effetive paretning techniques, and are better personality fits. When parents are taught a range of effective techniques, from time out, to taking away priviledges to limited spanking, the parents and the children are happier. Instead of arguing that society should value being "child-free" more, parenting would be easier if society valued PARENTING. Tolerance from people in stores, flexibility in work, and the leashing of selfish people who hate kids and wish to ban them from public would help. Society benefits from the education and creation of children. These things would be better for parents than just telling us, as Jeffers does, that "children are obnoxious, and you have to live with it." I also object to her characterization of legitimate duties of parents as being optional. Going to sports events are not important, nor is signing kids up for everything. Parent-teacher conferences are important. Cookies for the Scouts are important. She applauds the women who refuse to volunteer. Volunteering lets a person see their child in a group situation, and note social/educational problems. This allows for early intervention. Multiple research sources, most recently (two weeks ago) from the Us Department of the Army schools, shows that when parents volunteer for school or extra-curricular activites that their children are involved in raises the childrens test scores and grades. It proves to the children that their parents see the activity as important, and it gives the parents perspective on their children's sometimes bad behavior. The problem today is not that parents think thier children behave badly. It's that too many refuse to discipline their kids, and think their kids behave well in the face of clear evidence. That's a subject that needs a few more research oreinted books out there about it.
Rating:
Summary: A stunningly honest portrayal of parenthood
Review: Susan Jeffers wrote "I'm Okay, You're A Brat" when her own grown children and stepchildren got married and began to contemplate parenthood. Unlike most wannabe-grandmas, Jeffers wanted her kids to know how HARD, HARD, HARD it is raising children. Whether they are babies, pre-schoolers, big kids or (gasp) teenagers, the relationship is always give-and-take: Parents give and children take. Jeffers also spends a lot of time discussing how children can wreak havoc on a marriage. In other books and media, so much discussion of parenthood and childhood is treated with kid gloves. This book gets down and dirty. I gave it to my sister just after her wedding, so if she and her husband decide to have kids, they will do it with their eyes open.
Rating:
Summary: Stop feeling guilty because you can't be a 100% 24 HR Parent
Review: Susan must have known when she wrote this book that some parents with lots of LPB (love being a parent)Genes would not approve because the very idea of the book was to let those with only a few or none stop feeling GUILTY. This book is not a "how to book" but a book for these parents to discover that the feelings they have are normal and common. It also says to those that do not want kids that's ok too. Susan being a loving parent herself explains in a light hearted entertaining way that its ok to sometimes take a break and follow your own desires. As a single parent I found this book enlightning and now see parenting as joyful part of my life instead of a 100% commitment and what's more I am no longer worried about saying that.
Rating:
Summary: Awesome!
Review: Thank you Dr.Jeffers for this book. I have been childfree (not childless) but I constantly get asked "When are you going to have children". My husband and I just haven't felt the desire strong enough to actually intentionally have children. But, since I am the woman, I am the one burden with the questions, mostly by mothers wondering when I will be joining their "elite" society of motherhood. And why would I not want to join their wonderful world of no sleep, changing diapers, breastfeeding, and never again have a moment to myself to enjoy my life, let alone pee? I am not ready to make those sacrifices and I may never be. According to Dr. Jeffers, that's okay. Some people are just not cut out to be parents and the reasons to have kids aren't any better than the reasons not to. It is your decision because your the one who has to make the sacrifices, not your parents or anyone else. This book reaffirmed that I am not ready and I am entitled to make my own decision. Additional note: For those who think someone else's reproductive agenda is your business, you are incorrect. It is very rude to ask the wife or the husband when they plan to have children. It is none of your business and they would appreciate you not inquiring.
Rating:
Summary: You can't handle the truth!
Review: The reviewers who are knocking this book are basically saying that it's too harsh. The point of the book is to TELL IT LIKE IT IS. I read it cover-to-cover within a 24 hour period and thought it was fantastic - humorous, revealing, and refreshingly honest. I've talked with friends and even my Mom about some of the subjects, and they seem to back up the central theme of the book: Parenting can be very, very hard. I'm still undecided as to whether or not I want to have children, but after reading this book I feel that I am better able to make an informed decision.
Rating:
Summary: For parents and non-parents alike!
Review: This book has something to offer nearly every reader. Parents who question themselves, their children, and their parenting ability will be relieved to find out they are not alone, and that they are truly not "terrible" because sometimes they can't stand their children's behavior. Childfree and childless people will find an equal amount of support for their viewpoint, and they will probably finish the book feeling even stronger about their decision not to have children. Recommended for anyone old enough to even consider whether to have children!
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