Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child

Rating:
Summary: Excellent Book on Helping Kids Want to Self-Actualize
Review: As a father and a coach, I have always been concerned whether ot not I am pushing my kids the correct way in order to reach their potential. This book really sheds light on the fallacies of unconditional love, self-esteem at all costs and the other myths that have been propogated as a backlash to the rigidity of the 1950's. The biggest challenge to pushing kids to maximize their potential is knowing where to "draw the line" with yourself. Dr. Taylor does an excellent job at showing you where to draw that line. He also makes an excellent point that in order to propel your kids in the right direction, you yourself need to be going in the right direction. If you are a head case, you can reasonably expect your kid to be a head case. Thank you Dr. Taylor.

Rating:
Summary: Excellent Book on Helping Kids Want to Self-Actualize
Review: As a father and a coach, I have always been concerned whether ot not I am pushing my kids the correct way in order to reach their potential. This book really sheds light on the fallacies of unconditional love, self-esteem at all costs and the other myths that have been propogated as a backlash to the rigidity of the 1950's. The biggest challenge to pushing kids to maximize their potential is knowing where to "draw the line" with yourself. Dr. Taylor does an excellent job at showing you where to draw that line. He also makes an excellent point that in order to propel your kids in the right direction, you yourself need to be going in the right direction. If you are a head case, you can reasonably expect your kid to be a head case. Thank you Dr. Taylor.

Rating:
Summary: A Push For This Book!
Review: As a former middle-school teacher I have worked with kids who have been pushed too hard and those who haven't been nudged enough; I wish this book had been around for their parents. Positive Pushing offers insight and advice on when to push and when to hold back, something that isn't always easy for parents to figure out. Letting a child fail is not a bad thing -- in fact, we're doing kids a favor, even though it's hard for parents to step back and watch their children not succeed. "Placating your child doesn't allow him to understand his disappointment and figure out how to put it behind him," Taylor explains.
As a mother of a kindergartner, I'm glad to have read this book and know I will come back to it through the years. I was especially satisfied to read his take on perfectionists.
I head Taylor speak on raising successful and happy children, and found him intelligent, insightful and honest. I'm very excited about his new work on media and technology and its effects on children.

Rating:
Summary: Positively Helpful!
Review: As a parent of three (ages 2, 6, 8) who lives in an affluent suberb with many high strung, overachieving parents, this book was a refreshing push in the right direction. Although "pushing" one's children has gotten a bad rap, Dr. Taylor calls "em as he seems 'em" and lets us know that pushing children is fine, if done in the right way. Many of us push our children in negative and hurtful ways. This book explains how to push or encourage your children in a positive, non-judgmental way. Further, the book is well written and easy to read. It lays out Dr. Taylor's three pillars of successful parenting in a concise and straight forward way. I found this book to be very helpful. I will refer to it again and again as a reference.

Rating:
Summary: Pushing Parents Positively
Review: As a psychologist who often works with parents, a parent of two school-age children, and a soccer coach, I found this book extremely helpful both personally and in my work. I would happily recommend it to parents without reservation, something I can't say about that many parenting books! It is unusually clear and well-written (something I can't say about the writing of that many psychologists!), relatively jargon-free, and organized well. The ideas are well-integrated with research findings as well as reflecting Dr. Taylor's own considerable clinical experience. His discussion of perfectionism, fear of failure, and defining of success in terms of effort and setting realistic goals were particularly useful and applicable not just to children. This book is bigger than its title in that it also addresses emotional maturity in general, and how to build and foster maturity in our children so that they can be both successful achievers and happier people. The definition of achievement in terms of one's efforts and perseverence in pursuit of personally meaningful goals could make a huge difference in the lives of many adults as well as children. I see too many adults in my practice who were crippled by low self-esteem and grandiose expectations of themselves that I can't help but appreciate this book. I was particularly struck by Dr. Taylor's discussion of the child who is objectively successful but can't appreciate his or her success; this seems a common and heartbreaking problem that does not get enough attention.
If this book has any faults, it is only that in his efforts to be clear and to hold parents accountable, Dr. Taylor does not emphasize other important influences on children's difficulties with achievement such as temperament (some children naturally push themselves harder than others, some are more focused than others, etc.), significant differences in ability, comparing themselves with peers and siblings, and the degree to which the larger school and community culture emphasize competition, etc. Sometimes our job as parents is to temper those other influences, and we can succeed or fail in that capacity as well. Some of the complexity of parent-child dynamics is lost when the emphasis is only on how parents influence their children and not on how different children elicit very different responses around achievement issues, and so present different challenges for parents. Nevertheless, this book makes a valuable contribution to a complex issue that is compelling and often confusing for most parents but is not often discussed so thoughtfully and at such length. In the end, Dr. Taylor manages to "push" (i.e. inspire, encourage, challenge) parents in a positive way to do a better job.

Rating:
Summary: Pushing Parents Positively
Review: As a psychologist who often works with parents, a parent of two school-age children, and a soccer coach, I found this book extremely helpful both personally and in my work. I would happily recommend it to parents without reservation, something I can't say about that many parenting books! It is unusually clear and well-written (something I can't say about the writing of that many psychologists!), relatively jargon-free, and organized well. The ideas are well-integrated with research findings as well as reflecting Dr. Taylor's own considerable clinical experience. His discussion of perfectionism, fear of failure, and defining of success in terms of effort and setting realistic goals were particularly useful and applicable not just to children. This book is bigger than its title in that it also addresses emotional maturity in general, and how to build and foster maturity in our children so that they can be both successful achievers and happier people. The definition of achievement in terms of one's efforts and perseverence in pursuit of personally meaningful goals could make a huge difference in the lives of many adults as well as children. I see too many adults in my practice who were crippled by low self-esteem and grandiose expectations of themselves that I can't help but appreciate this book. I was particularly struck by Dr. Taylor's discussion of the child who is objectively successful but can't appreciate his or her success; this seems a common and heartbreaking problem that does not get enough attention.
If this book has any faults, it is only that in his efforts to be clear and to hold parents accountable, Dr. Taylor does not emphasize other important influences on children's difficulties with achievement such as temperament (some children naturally push themselves harder than others, some are more focused than others, etc.), significant differences in ability, comparing themselves with peers and siblings, and the degree to which the larger school and community culture emphasize competition, etc. Sometimes our job as parents is to temper those other influences, and we can succeed or fail in that capacity as well. Some of the complexity of parent-child dynamics is lost when the emphasis is only on how parents influence their children and not on how different children elicit very different responses around achievement issues, and so present different challenges for parents. Nevertheless, this book makes a valuable contribution to a complex issue that is compelling and often confusing for most parents but is not often discussed so thoughtfully and at such length. In the end, Dr. Taylor manages to "push" (i.e. inspire, encourage, challenge) parents in a positive way to do a better job.

Rating:
Summary: Really good
Review: As someone who works with children, and who is the aunt of a 5 year old, I'm always looking for good books on how to support children to be the best they can be. This one really hits the mark. The author has a sound grasp of the subject of achievement, which he demonstrates through the use of solid references, research, and personal examples via his clinical practice. He writes in a way that is clear and easy for readers to apply to their own life. As someone who coaches floor hockey, I've already begun to use some of his techniques in supporting some of the parents who take their pushing too far. The author strikes a nice balance between encouraging parents to ensure that children take opportunities to try different things, and forcing too many activities on to children. The use of lists at the end of each chapter to summarize key concepts and ideas is really useful.

I would caution readers that the author's skewering of the self esteem movement is simplistic, at best. He does seem to be moralizing here, and I found myself tuning out at times. I would also disagree with his statements on unconditional love. The problem is he is actually mislabelling 'approval' as love. Parents should love their children no matter what. Love is not a weapon to be used to ensure certain behaviour from a child. I always love my niece, which she knows. She also knows, however, that I don't always approve of her behaviour and/or choices, and what the consequences are if she crosses certain boundaries. The author sends really mixed messages, because for all his talk about the 'dangers of unconditional love', at other times he does seem to understand the need to separate one's feelings about a child's behavior and choices from one's feelings about the person as a whole.

Lastly, I confess to finding some of the chapters to be a bit long. I found I took breaks from the book because it felt like overload at times. But the author uses alot of subheadings, so there are numerous logical spots to 'take a break', so this this problem wasn't as annoying as some other books with long chapters.

This book has many useful ideas, and the subject is very worthwhile. Highly reccommended to all!

Rating:
Summary: A Great Message for All Parents
Review: At a time when children are under more pressure than ever to perform academically, athletically and even socially, parents may be surprised to find a book whose title seems to advocate pushing children. In fact, it's the qualifier that counts. By "positive" pushing, Dr. Taylor refers not only to the way we should encourage our children to succeed, but also to how we should measure that success. Dr. Taylor does agree that many kids today have intense demands placed upon them - for straight A's, winning the game, or getting a college scholarship. However, he says that many of these same children are being raised without boundaries or a sense of consequences (i.e.: a kid can throw a tantrum and still get a new toy). Dr. Taylor advocates turning the equation around. Kids must be raised with expectations for certain behavior and for adherence to particular values. Goals should not be established as demands from parents for certain outcomes (like good grades), but should instead come from the children, and should reflect the family's values. For example, a child who feels that her actions matter, and that hard work and perseverance are worthy ideals, will feel proud of herself for making her best effort in a particular subject. She should be praised for her effort, not for the grade. Dr. Taylor takes it one step further and asks us to examine how we define success in today's world. He contrasts those who achieve success as defined by society, and those who have successfully achieved personal goals. It is clear who Dr. Taylor feels will be happiest - which may be the truest measure of success. Indeed, this book has many more valuable lessons, and it is well worth a read.

Rating:
Summary: No Shoving, But POSITIVE PUSHING Encouraged!
Review: Considering that both of my daughters are strong-willed, have a competitive nature, and are involved with competitive sports and dance, I was enticed by the description of this publication. I expected to receive a few helpful hints from the book content, and hoped that it was dealt in a positive manner. Certainly I was shocked with the abundance of advice and insight gleaned by reading this excellent parenting tool. I highly recommend Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child, by Jim Taylor, PH.D!

Details
My youngest daughter dances on a recreational and a competitive level. Additionally she plays fastpitch softball on a recreational level, yet considering that she just finished her last year in rookies, the sport is becoming more competitive. My oldest daughter is a member of a competitive fastpitch softball team, and will be entering the competitive dance scene next season. Naturally both girls have goals, or dreams rather, and of course I want them to realize those.

Let's face it, the parenting role can be hard, nearly brutal. How hard shall we push? As their parent I try to keep a proper balance and perspective on the amount of 'pushing' that I lend their way. While the most important aspect is that they have fun, let's face it, when you enter the competitive level of a sport or activity, it is important to push toward improvement and personal goals. Prior to reading this book, I felt that I maintained a proper perspective of pushing. However I had unanswered questions, and yearned for more 'parental tools' but who could I possibly ask?.....

Jim brings to this publication more than 17 years of experience with regard to consulting with young achievers and their parents, and it shows within every thread of advice handed. In my view, this book is well-written and full of beneficial insight for parents. I believe that all youngsters around us will benefit from the information we glean.

Within the pages of Positive Pushing, the author examines what kids need to be successful and happy. He dissects the importance of positive pushing; allowing us to realize the beneficial attributes of success, or rather the experience of achievement. He also provides warning signs, or what he calls red flags, that help you realize if your child is threatened by achievement or overwhelmed by fear of failure or success. Red flags are also discussed with regard to conditional love, dangling-carrot love, unhealthy parental expectations, unhealthy praise and punishment, perfectionism, losing perspective, battle of wills, pleasers, disappointers, reactors, frustrators, rejecters, immature attitudes, and more. This author explains that there are three vital areas for achievement, self-esteem, competence, and autonomy, and explains that these are also crucial for happiness. I enjoyed the manner in which this author entwined the facts and guidance. A primary goal of Positive Pushing is to instruct parents regarding the importance of pushing their child toward seeking happiness in life, and plenty of sound advice aids all readers.

Bottom Line
Based on the helpful insight that I gleaned from this publication, I highly recommend it. The read was enjoyable, from front to end. This book has a nice flow and perfect organization. I highlighted several sentences and dog-eared numerous pages. This is a publication that I will keep, and return to. Further, I have already recommended it to several parents. In my view, Jim Taylor, PH.D. presents valuable insight in a friendly manner, as though you were attending a nice seminar or having a personal consultation with him. His approach is never preachy or condescending.

Even if my children weren't involved in competitive dance or fastpitch, I would have gleaned much positive information and assistance from this book. Also, if I didn't have kids --as an Educator, Little League Secretary/Volunteer, and Community Volunteer-- I would have benefited from the read. I enjoy parental guidance books that carry a positive tone, and this one certainly hits the mark!

Rating:
Summary: Balanced, wise, immediately useful
Review: Dr. Taylor's book will guide parents of children from infancy to adulthood in establishing a healthy, nourishing, intelligent relationship with their children. Positive Pushing clearly defines the art of parenting that makes it possible for children to discover their best selves and thrive. It may be too early to declare that this is the best guide for parents ever written, but I know of none better. I am the father of four boys and a friend of Dr. Taylor's, and his wisdom has been of tremendous value to me and my family.