Rating: 
Summary: Buy the book. Borrow the book. Just read it!
Review: I loved this book. Raved about it. Re-read it numerous times. It should be required reading for the homestudy to help you keep your perspective while you are subjecting yourself to the discretion of strangers (some of whom have no children of their own) just to have a shot at raising the child of a girl who has potentially not thought one iota about pre-natal care when you still have a cabinet full of folic acid vitamins that you have faithfully ingested for the past two years only to have your hair shinier but without a child to pull it.The section I returned to again and again was the Dear Birthmother letter. She writes what she would REALLY like to say and compares it with what she actually wrote instead. EVERY single thought and emotion was troubling me too!! If you've never gone through the experience it may be difficult to comprehend and it certainly is not politically correct to share these feelings but it doesn't make them any less powerful. Honestly, when I finished this book in one sitting I wanted to rush to the phone and call the author. I knew we would be fast friends and most importantly I wanted to thank her for giving me the permission to feel my resentment and confusion without guilt. Adoption is a remarkable thing and we now have a gorgeous 4 month old angel. I held our birthmom while she labored and laid my head on her breast and sobbed when our baby finally emerged.I do not doubt for one second that this birth was a blessing and a gift that can never be repaid. Our birthmom was very brave in her decision to put together an adoption plan and I will be eternally grateful. But it doesn't change how I felt eight months ago when she disappeared for three weeks or on the three missed ultrasound appointments. Those feelings were legitimate and after reading this book I knew I wasn't the only person in the world who had ever felt this way. The emotions described in Jana's book are a natural progression of the adoption process. I personally thank the day when she wrote this book - to me!
Rating: 
Summary: Not as good as expected
Review: I was expecting a lot more from this book. As a white woman with one bio child considering adopting an Asian child, the reviews and reader comments made me feel that it would be just the antidote to all those adoption websites that make you feel so inadequate if you are having any doubts. I guess I don't feel that her "secrets" were really all that alarming; I would guess that most people who have adopted or are considering adopting would cop to experiencing at least some of the things she has. That said, those readers in other reviews who WERE so offended are perhaps the noisy minority that contribute to making the rest of us feel guilty if we have politically incorrect thoughts. I think there are two kinds of people who adopt: those who want to help a child with special needs or that no one else wants, and those who-like every pregnant woman-prays that her child will be healthy, normal, and in some way "like" her. I think both groups should respect the other.
Rating: 
Summary: Can I Buy a Baby, and Can I Send It Back?
Review: In her book, Jana Wolff objectifies the child and dismisses the child's mother as so much garbage. In truth, birth mothers enter into relinquishment sorrowfully and loving their children, and in doing so, they embark on a lifelong journey of pain: missing the child and loving the child and knowing they made a wrong decision in their youth. Jana Wolff's treatment of birth mothers is as they are simply a means of deliverance only (that is her word, deliverance). Wolff also devours and spits up the traditional adoptive family mythology, to be sure, openly discussing that cost indicates buying a baby, and wondering if she can send it back after purchase. Other adoptive parents have lauded this book. I say, if Wolff's representation of how adoptive parents think is reality, a hard look at adoption, motives of adoptive parents, and the welfare of the child vis-a-vis adoption is sorely needed. Thumbs-down on the thinking that is presented throughout this book.
Rating: 
Summary: Fairly balanced narrative
Review: It's nice to see the real thoughts of an adoptive mother through the process and I believe her child will find it interesting rather than hurtful down the road. There are enough secrets and lies in the adoptive process that are done "Because we loved you" that turn out to cause harm instead. So many people lose sight of the fact that adoption exists to provide children with loving homes, NOT to provide infertile couples with children. I think this mom loses sight of this at times, but I wish her well in her life with her adopted family. More people should share their stories. Perhaps adoption would be reformed faster, and the process desperately needs it
Rating: 
Summary: Not a bad book, but too mean-spirited to recommend
Review: Ms. Wolf's attitudes toward birthparents are both condescending and rude. Even more than that, they are inflammatory. I cannot imagine how her son will feel if and when he ever reads this book. If she loves her son, she needs to respect his birthmother, simple as that. Wolf's idea of writing the "secret thoughts" is not a bad one, but some of the thoughts should have stayed secret. Some of them are too ugly to see print.
Rating:
Summary: An honest, look at what it's like to be an adoptive mother
Review: Secret Thoughts is an honest, engaging book about being an adoptive mother. Wolff touches on some of the funny and not so funny aspects of adoption - from what it's like to meet a birthmother to dealing with people who want to know if she is a 'real' mother. She writes lovingly of her son, Ari, and readers will get a real understanding of what it is like to build a family through transracial, open adoption in the 90's. Recommended for anyone impacted by adoption
Rating:
Summary: Revealing candor and entertaining humor; a must-read
Review: SECRET THOUGHTS OF AN ADOPTIVE MOTHER is a must-read for anyone whose life has been impacted by adoption as well as for others who want to understand the complexities of a social institution that has long been misrepresented and misunderstood. For the past dozen or more years, adopted adults and birthmothers have described their adoption-related experiences and emotions. Now, at last, adoptive mother Jana Wolff chronicles with revealing candor and entertaining humor the emotional ups and downs of adoptive parents. Although I adopted a son and daughter over thirty years ago, no one before Jana has validated the alternating and guilt-producing feelings of anger, resentment, grief, and fear that accompanied the immense joy and love I felt for my beautiful children. Jana's adoption also involved modern practices like selling oneself to prospective birthmothers, meeting the birthmother's extended family, participating in the baby's birth, and maintaining openness with the birthmother through the years. In addition, Ms. Wolff describes the additional challenges of parenting a son whose origins are of a religion and race different from hers. At a time when members of the adoption triad must understand each other, Ms. Wolff has much to teach about parenting, racism, hope, and, most of all, the love of a mother for her child. I only hope she'll provide us with a sequel when her beloved Ari is a teen-ager.
Rating:
Summary: Reassurance and humor in a stressful time.
Review: The thoughts of an adoptive mother are not so different from the thoughts of a biological one, or so I've been told. If one is truely honest about it everyone is plagued by the "what ifs". What if my child isn't healthy, what if I don't bond with my child,what if this whole thing is a mistake, what if my child is, heaven forbid, ugly! I found Jana Wolff's book enjoyable, easy to read, and a wonderful confirmation that one shouldn't be ashamed of the random thoughts and worries that zing around in one's head as you wait for the adoption process to take its course.
Rating:
Summary: Reassurance and humor in a stressful time.
Review: The thoughts of an adoptive mother are not so different from the thoughts of a biological one, or so I've been told. If one is truely honest about it everyone is plagued by the "what ifs". What if my child isn't healthy, what if I don't bond with my child,what if this whole thing is a mistake, what if my child is, heaven forbid, ugly! I found Jana Wolff's book enjoyable, easy to read, and a wonderful confirmation that one shouldn't be ashamed of the random thoughts and worries that zing around in one's head as you wait for the adoption process to take its course.
Rating:
Summary: Intriguing book
Review: This book captured my attention from the first page. It is a very honest account of one womans journey to her adopted child. It put many feelings and questions I had at ease, being an adoptive mom. I am thoroughly impressed that the author had the spirit to write her innermost feelings. I know it must have took tremendous courage. The only thing unsettling to me were the parts about the birth mother. I didn't exactly feel the same as she did, but everyone has their own adoption story, and I respect the books' effort to comfort adoptive families.
| 
