"Not to People Like Us": Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages

Rating:
Summary: Right on the mark!!!!
Review: I wish Not To People Like Us had been written nine years ago;I think my self-esteem, my daughter, and myself would have been spared much pain. Dr. Weitzman's book is inspirational and demonstrates considerable caring for the women she has worked with. As a social scientist myself, I found her research to be original and hopefully the start of more work in this area, too little examined thusfar. The insightful explanations of why women such as myself stay in abusive relationships and theoretical exploration of abusive husbands (suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder)help make sense of how I could have stayed in my my marriage and how men such as my ex-husband could treat their wives so cruelly. It has been a long road back recovering from the abuse that I thought(at the time)was only happening to me. I felt quite alone and isolated and, as Dr. Weitzman aptly described it, had no one to validate my feelings or encourage me to leave. This book should be given to every daughter and, perhpaps to every young son to read. I found it to be a fresh, profoundly moving, well-written and informative book, long overdue.

Rating:
Summary: Right on the mark!!!!
Review: I wish Not To People Like Us had been written nine years ago;I think my self-esteem, my daughter, and myself would have been spared much pain. Dr. Weitzman's book is inspirational and demonstrates considerable caring for the women she has worked with. As a social scientist myself, I found her research to be original and hopefully the start of more work in this area, too little examined thusfar. The insightful explanations of why women such as myself stay in abusive relationships and theoretical exploration of abusive husbands (suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder)help make sense of how I could have stayed in my my marriage and how men such as my ex-husband could treat their wives so cruelly. It has been a long road back recovering from the abuse that I thought(at the time)was only happening to me. I felt quite alone and isolated and, as Dr. Weitzman aptly described it, had no one to validate my feelings or encourage me to leave. This book should be given to every daughter and, perhpaps to every young son to read. I found it to be a fresh, profoundly moving, well-written and informative book, long overdue.

Rating:
Summary: Thank you, Dr Weitzman!!!
Review: This book came into my life exactly when I needed it! Susan Weitzman's discussion of the abuse in up-scale marriages was exactly what I needed to help me cope and understand what was happening in my divorce to a multimillionaire. After 16 years of abuse, my decision to leave my husband was only the beginning of a nightmare. His threats to ruin me, take our child, destroy my life, were combined with illegal wiretapping of my computer and legal maneuvering to ensure I could not leave. Added to this were multiple mistresses and hidden bank accounts. Susan's book is excellent reading for anyone going through a divorce to a wealthy emotional/physically abusive man. It should be required reading for divorce lawyers and judges.

Rating:
Summary: Finally the Truth Revealed
Review: This book shows that abuse can happen in any family,culture,enviroment-that abuse is abuse no matter what life style you live. I am glad it has come to light. Fortunate that society as a whole will have a chance to read this insightful book and actually understand what goes on behind closed doors.
also recommending: Nightmares Echo, Black and Blue and running With Scissors

Rating:
Summary: OUT FROM BEHIND THE CURTAIN
Review: This important book tells a secret: yes, this can happen in even the most outwardly successful, appealling, public, prestigious, and seemingly "good" marriages. And yes, this sort of thing can be kept a secret from everyone for a long long time -- against all odds.

As a woman, a mother, an ex-wife, a therapist, an educator, and an author, I have seen what Susan Weitzman reveals again and again. Why are women so silent about something which eats their lives away? Why is this happening still in this day and age? And why do even the women with the economic where with all, and with the education, and with the supposed opportunities for "something better than this" get STUCK in relationships where they are abused for years? What are the factors which contribute to the trapping of these women? Read this book and get a look at the inside of this problem.

My sense is that we forget that we in the US are a century at best away from the time when many men could actually own their wives. And this ownership allows abuse, as it allows rape, as it allows control of all the wife's possessions, earnings and inheritances, and ownership of the children. A century is not a long time, and change is slower than many public policy makers would like to have us think. And even where social policy and family law has addressed wive's and ex-wive's rights, there is much in the way of true protection left to be desired.

I want to thank Susan Weitzman from the bottom of my heart for her work here. She spent a big piece of the time of her life working on this project, with no sense that it would become successful as it has. If there would be anything I would add to this book, it would be a further look into the intense pain, the overwhelming fear, the profound stigma, and the many damages that these women suffer....

Rating:
Summary: OUT FROM BEHIND THE CURTAIN
Review: This important book tells a secret: yes, this can happen in even the most outwardly successful, appealling, public, prestigious, and seemingly "good" marriages. And yes, this sort of thing can be kept a secret from everyone for a long long time -- against all odds.

As a woman, a mother, an ex-wife, a therapist, an educator, and an author, I have seen what Susan Weitzman reveals again and again. Why are women so silent about something which eats their lives away? Why is this happening still in this day and age? And why do even the women with the economic where with all, and with the education, and with the supposed opportunities for "something better than this" get STUCK in relationships where they are abused for years? What are the factors which contribute to the trapping of these women? Read this book and get a look at the inside of this problem.

My sense is that we forget that we in the US are a century at best away from the time when many men could actually own their wives. And this ownership allows abuse, as it allows rape, as it allows control of all the wife's possessions, earnings and inheritances, and ownership of the children. A century is not a long time, and change is slower than many public policy makers would like to have us think. And even where social policy and family law has addressed wive's and ex-wive's rights, there is much in the way of true protection left to be desired.

I want to thank Susan Weitzman from the bottom of my heart for her work here. She spent a big piece of the time of her life working on this project, with no sense that it would become successful as it has. If there would be anything I would add to this book, it would be a further look into the intense pain, the overwhelming fear, the profound stigma, and the many damages that these women suffer....

Rating:
Summary: Rings very true
Review: Unfortunately, I knew exactly who Dr.Weitzman was describing when she described the 'upscale' couple hiding a terrible secret.

This book is important to women who have escaped from an abusive relationship or are considering an escape. From practical advice to checklists of traits of an abusive man (denial in these situations is very, very strong - seeing the evidence before your eyes brings you closer to the truth), to the case histories, the book brings home the reality of an abusive relationship.

I want to make a copy of the 'traits of an abuser' and pass it out to my sisters, my cousins, my friends - and pray none of them recognize their mate.