Rating: 
Summary: Experpt from page pg. 143
Review: "Ray didn't like the gift I gave him one Christmas," she explained. "He felt that he deserved something much grander than the cashmere sweater I had given him, and he didn't like it. When he opened his gift, he was in such turmoil. 'This is ALL I got?' he screamed. 'I don't belive it!' And then he beat me. He beat me on Christmas morning in front of our children."
Rating:
Summary: Experpt from page pg. 143
Review: "Ray didn't like the gift I gave him one Christmas," she explained. "He felt that he deserved something much grander than the cashmere sweater I had given him, and he didn't like it. When he opened his gift, he was in such turmoil. 'This is ALL I got?' he screamed. 'I don't belive it!' And then he beat me. He beat me on Christmas morning in front of our children."
Rating: 
Summary: "Every 12 seconds": Domestic Violence (upscale, too)
Review: "Upscale violence": a term coined by Dr. Susan Weitzman, a practicing psychotherapist in Chicago, refers to the often hidden physical and/or emotional abuse that is endured by married women of means. In her groundbreaking, well-referenced study: "Not to People Like Us: Hidden Abuse in Upscale Marriages," Dr. Weitzman focuses a narrow lens. She offers a unique contribution to the literature on domestic violence: her work is based on many years of experience, both working in women's shelters and counseling battered wives. Through a combination of case studies of these poignant yet punished women of means and a rigorous analysis and review of the extant literature on domestic violence, Dr. Weitzman presents and proves a powerful thesis. She debunks the myth that conjugal abuse correlates with lower-class status, and, at the same time, deflects the hostility that some of her peers have heaped on her for selecting this particular population. "A unique aspect of this book is the 'inclusionary' dimension of targeting battered women of means. . . .[which] is not a claim that this population needs special attention," says Dr. Weitzman, but "[r]ather it is an attempt at 'specifically' including upscale wives who have been overlooked in the larger group of abused women."Who are these women? They are well educated, with at least a bachelor's degree; they live in the top 25% of this country's neighborhoods; they see themselves as upper-middle-class or upper-class; and their combined marital income exceeds $100,000.00. While Dr. Weitzman delineates the "typical profile" of the upscale abusive husband, she does not indulge in male-battering. She correctly identifies domestic violence as a systemic problem. The appendices of her book: "Are You an Abused Woman?," "Traits of an Abusive Man," "Early Warning Signs," and "Domestic Violence Resources" are reason alone for its purchase. Therefore, this book belongs in every library, women's shelter, emergency room, and psychotherapist's office. Notwithstanding the strengths of Dr. Weitzman's book and her contribution to the literature on domestic violence, as an editor, I feel compelled to offer some constructive criticism. "Not to People Like Us" lacks organization. In an effort to make the book dramatic (and it is a quick read), the case studies are interwoven with history, theory, flowcharts, classical mythology, and psychoanalysis; thus, it is difficult to follow the thread of each woman's life. A more traditional approach of formally presenting the case studies at the beginning of the book, so that the reader can refer back to them as needed, would help. Also, Dr. Weitzman limited her population to fourteen women, which is a very small sample; however, she clearly and convincingly states her reason for so doing. Finally, the careful reader will find the Notes, References, and Index to be littered with distracting errors; such is often the case when a dissertation manuscript is rushed into publication. It is hard to discern which style manual was followed, if any, (e.g., "The Chicago Manual of Style" or the "APA Manual"). (There are also a few places in the text that need copyediting, but I hesitate to comment on them because I make typos in almost every review.) Another important new book which confronts the reality of domestic violence is "But I Love Him," by Dr. Jill Murray. Dr. Murray focuses on abusive controlling patterns of behavior in boyfriends toward their teenaged girlfriends. This book dovetails well with Dr. Weitzman's book because it also looks toward prevention of abuse. To be truly informed about this societal ill, one must also read books by psychologist Lenore Walker: "Battered Woman" and "The Battered Woman Syndrome." These books introduce the concept of the three-stage cycle of violence: the tension-building stage; the explosive stage; and the honeymoon stage (a stage which Dr. Weitzman found does not exist in upscale violence).
Rating:
Summary: nice try
Review: Although the author attempts to dispel myths about the plight of battered women, in some ways, she herself buys into myths. For example, when she advises women to form a plan to leave their husband she tells them to bring vital articles like HIS social security number, but fails to remind them to bring an updated resume and sensible shoes to pound the pavement because SHE will have to find a job. The writer also describes these women in a sterotype that is unrealistic, "well dressed, wearing diamonds," etc. Sociologists note an inverse relationship, the less money someone has the more they spend on clothes. Much of the verbatim dialogue she relates reads like fiction leading one to believe this is how the author imagines upper class women would speak. Much of the book is recovering old research. Any new insight the author offers could have been in a pamphlet. She also looks at their life after leaving the marriage with rose colored glasses. The fact is women just enter a new form of abuse: underpaid jobs, demeaning workplaces, terrifying custody battles and dating jerks who are just like their husband only poor.
Rating:
Summary: YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Review: I have just finished the book "Not to People Like Us". What an amazing experience, for as I turned the pages it was as if Dr. Weitzman had written about my life! The description of my Symptoms, Traits and Coping Strategies as well as my Ex-Husband's Psychological Profile, Interpersonal Characteristics and Traits put all my thoughts, feelings and experiences into words. Now I can understand why I made the choices and decisions I did before and during the marriage and how I finally got out of an abusive relationship. I wish appendix D-Early Warning Signs would have been available to me 15 years ago, but thankfully women now have this resource to save them from years of suffering in silence.
Rating:
Summary: YOU ARE NOT ALONE
Review: I have just finished the book "Not to People Like Us". What an amazing experience, for as I turned the pages it was as if Dr. Weitzman had written about my life! The description of my Symptoms, Traits and Coping Strategies as well as my Ex-Husband's Psychological Profile, Interpersonal Characteristics and Traits put all my thoughts, feelings and experiences into words. Now I can understand why I made the choices and decisions I did before and during the marriage,and how I finally go out of an abusive relationship. I wish appendix D-Early Warning Signs would have been available to me 15 years ago, but thankfully women now have this resource to save them from years of suffering in silence.
Rating: 
Summary: A different kind of power to deal with
Review: I have lived domestic violence in the past and for many years,I have worked with all types of abusers and victims from all socioeconomic backgrounds, so my perpective is a bit broader. I remember when this book first came out, we even attended an 'upscale violence' training as a result of this book, some were scoffing at the idea of upscale violence. The abusive behaviors and victim coping strategies are almost identical across all socioeconomic spectors, however there are two things that stand out in my experience that make this book a needed tool: the power difference. All abusers wield power over victims: Physical force, emotional blackmail, threats, finances and resources..etc...but the amount of power held by the abuser and the lack of power held by the victim are both crucial elements to consider. In a poor household, if the woman flees in the middle of the night with nothing but the clothes on her back, it is extremely difficult for her because she has nothing, no resources. Society has falsely assumed that rich women should be able to leave easily because they have so much 'power', so many resources.....not necessarily so when the abuser is both powerful and ruthless...he can find you anyplace you go, he can hire attorneys and fight endlessly to take your children away, to discredit you, and he can destroy your career if you have one......so the assumption that a rich woman can easily end her abuse and just walk away is not accurate. Some rich and powerful abusers, resort to murder too. The poor woman is limited by her lack of power, so is the rich woman, but in a different way. I appreciate the fact that the book deals with the social stigma associated with the affluent revealing that 'all is not well' in their houses, in fact, it may be quite savage and barbaric within their home. One of the worst DV(domestic violence) murders was recorded via a photo (media): a very rich and powerful, well respected doctor killed his wife by burning her alive in the living room of their mansion. And we all remember the O.J. Simpson case. Upscale violence is alive and well, scaring generations of children who appear to 'have it all'....all except a safe home.
Rating:
Summary: GROUND-BREAKING and COURAGEOUS WORK!
Review: I read Not to People Like Us in two days. It was as intriguing and captivating as any novel I've recently enjoyed. As I read the stories of Allison, Ingrid and Sally I had to keep reminding myself that this was a real book, that the people were not created characters and that their abusive husbands were actual people. Dr. Weitzman skillfully utilized the allegory of "The Emperor's New Clothes" (i.e., no one dared tell the king that his new wardrobe was nonexistent, and that he was naked) to drive home the point that even friends and family of these upscale abused women kept them as well as themselves in the dark. The truth was too difficult to accept, the prevailing notion was that "this doesn't happen to people like us." As a psychologist, I found her theory explaining the behavior of these powerful, abusive husbands to be quite cogent and will likely provide the framework by which such men can be helped in the future. Thank you, Dr. Weitzman, for this landmark work. It should be read by men and women alike. The book not only makes for great reading, it is courageous and insightful. Kudos to you.
Rating:
Summary: GROUND-BREAKING and COURAGEOUS WORK!
Review: I read Not to People Like Us in two days. It was as intriguing and captivating as any novel I've recently enjoyed. As I read the stories of Allison, Ingrid and Sally I had to keep reminding myself that this was a real book, that the people were not created characters and that their abusive husbands were actual people. Dr. Weitzman skillfully utilized the allegory of "The Emperor's New Clothes" (i.e., no one dared tell the king that his new wardrobe was nonexistent, and that he was naked) to drive home the point that even friends and family of these upscale abused women kept them as well as themselves in the dark. The truth was too difficult to accept, the prevailing notion was that "this doesn't happen to people like us." As a psychologist, I found her theory explaining the behavior of these powerful, abusive husbands to be quite cogent and will likely provide the framework by which such men can be helped in the future. Thank you, Dr. Weitzman, for this landmark work. It should be read by men and women alike. The book not only makes for great reading, it is courageous and insightful. Kudos to you.
Rating:
Summary: A Must Read for every woman looking to be swept off her feet
Review: I recently read this book and was blowen away, Most women who are in this situation don't even really realize they are in it. I interviewed the doctor on my Radio internet show on Eyada.com and this really open up a powerful discussion with all my listers even three professionals in this area called in and felt this is the: Most Powerful Book Ever Written On The Subject. Thank you so very much Dr. Weitzmann. Sincerely, Myreah Moore America's Dating Coach and Author of "Date Like A Man:To Get the Man You Want"
|
