Rating: 
Summary: A Problematic Book
Review: As a fledgling stepmom married to a psychologist with two children, 4 and 6, I found this book extremely disturbing and potentially damaging. While the book contains important advice on refilling one's own well in order better to handle the physical, mental and emotional demands more aptly, I feel that the book may be aimed more at stepmothers who enter into a marriage where there are adolescent stepchildren involved; and, this may well carry with it an unusual and separate set of demands, as far as the place in which the children find themselves developmentally, and the ways in which this may or may not clash with the stepmother's idea(l) of the romantic possibilities in "blending" families. The most disturbing news in the book remains, for me, the "Setting Priorities" list which begins with the self, moves onto the marriage, and then places the stepmother's biological children next, relegating the stepchildren to last priority; not only are the stepchildren a last priority, but, the author admonishes, "These children have parents." While I personally understand many of the emotional traps and pitfalls involved in stepparenting, I also understand that a stepmom is not a background shadow any more than stepchildren are. A stepmom is a role-model in the stepchild or stepchildren's lives who can either teach the children that they are second-rate in "her" home, or, who can teach them by example that all children in her charge are worthy of love and well-loved and respected for their own unique qualities.
Rating:
Summary: A little disappointed
Review: As a newly married woman, I found myself completely unprepared for dealing with my new teenage stepdaughter that I saw only once or twice a week. This book was a wonderful confirmation of the feelings and emotions that a stepmom, with or without her own children, can experience and gives practical ways to deal with those feelings. I would consider this a must-read for new stepmoms.
Rating: 
Summary: Salvation for a first time Mom
Review: As a newly married woman, I found myself completely unprepared for dealing with my new teenage stepdaughter that I saw only once or twice a week. This book was a wonderful confirmation of the feelings and emotions that a stepmom, with or without her own children, can experience and gives practical ways to deal with those feelings. I would consider this a must-read for new stepmoms.
Rating:
Summary: A little disappointed
Review: I actually returned the book because it was hard to read. It didn't have a steady flow to it. I felt that it was choppy and very hard to visualize what the author was saying.
Rating:
Summary: A Source of Sustenance and Hope for Stepmoms
Review: I bought a copy of "The Courage to Be A Stepmom - Finding Your Place Without Losing Yourself" after my husband and I began dating and found it to be very down-to-earth - although as a stepmom to be, I couldn't quite relate to everything in it just yet. Now with two years of marriage under my belt, I can say her appraisal of the situation was honest. Our first year of marriage was an emotional roller-coaster for me - I was surprised by the depth of my emotions and how they would just bubble out sometimes. The book is divided into five sections discussing: (1) why stepmothering is difficult, (2) how stepmothering can be manageable and (even) enjoyable, (3) how to take care of yourself, (4) strengthening your marriage, and (5) gathering the gifts - meaning reaping in the harvest of your emotional investment in building a stepfamily. This is a very reflective and insightful book - one that encourages stepmoms to feel their way gently into their role within a stepfamily, to not push stepchildren too hard for acceptance, and to gather strength and comfort from within. It also talks about how to avoid harboring bitterness and closing off oneself emotionally - advocating instead that we have the courage to love our spouses and to forge ties with our new stepfamily members. It addresses not only the practical feelings that emerge for many stepmothers, but also spiritual and emotional health. Some may find the book's rather wishy-washy feel-good spiritual nature a little disquieting (it advocates that stepmothering be embraced as a spiritual journey), but many will appreciate the book's emphasis on health in all its aspects - and truly we are all affected in our personal attitude and spirit by how we view our role in a stepfamily.
Rating:
Summary: A Self-Centered, Dangerous book
Review: I bought this book looking for guidance. I wanted to learn how to be a good stepmother, to be understanding of what stepchildren are going through, and how to put them first. Instead, this book told me I should be my first priority and put my stepchildren absolutely last. I fear that too many women are reading this book and following the advice given. I agee that everyone needs time alone occasionally, but above all, stepmothers need to be patient and understanding. I would not recommend this book to anyone who seriously cares about children.
Rating:
Summary: Incredible book for stepmothers!
Review: I found this book to be intensely relieving to me, as a stepmother, and a woman. It gives wonderful suggestions on ways to handle situations that arise as a stepmother, and to take care of yourself, before you blow your top. I was impressed by the way Sue Patton Thoele doesn't talk down to stepmothers, but speaks as a companion, an ally in the struggle to remain sane in the stepfamily. Definitely a "Must Have" book!
Rating:
Summary: I saw myself on each page
Review: I have purchased many books about stepparenting and stepmotherhood, but this one stands out from the rest and is by far my favorite. It gives a "from the trenches" perspective on the joys and challenges of stepmothering, and unlike most other stepparenting books, the author is actually a stepmother. She accurately described the feelings and situations that I have experienced, while offering realistic tools for communication, priority setting and making your place in the family. The tone of the book is very postive and gave me hope that I could truly learn to live in and love the family I was becoming a part of. I have found the book easy to reference and will do so when I come across a particular challenge, re-reading just that parts that I needed at the time. I have also re-read it total several times just for affirmation and support. It has truly become my "Bible" of stepmotherhood!
Rating:
Summary: I saw myself on each page
Review: I have purchased many books about stepparenting and stepmotherhood, but this one stands out from the rest and is by far my favorite. It gives a "from the trenches" perspective on the joys and challenges of stepmothering, and unlike most other stepparenting books, the author is actually a stepmother. She accurately described the feelings and situations that I have experienced, while offering realistic tools for communication, priority setting and making your place in the family. The tone of the book is very postive and gave me hope that I could truly learn to live in and love the family I was becoming a part of. I have found the book easy to reference and will do so when I come across a particular challenge, re-reading just that parts that I needed at the time. I have also re-read it total several times just for affirmation and support. It has truly become my "Bible" of stepmotherhood!
Rating: 
Summary: warm, engaging - and misses four fundamentals
Review: I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorced, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 66, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, (d) a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and (e) the author of six personal-growth and family-relations books.
I recommend "The Courage to be a Stepmom" to women who want an upbeat introduction to the challenging roles of stepmother and "myself." I do not recommend it to anyone seeking the core requisites for success at both roles.
Like most experienced authors in this genre, Sue Thoele misses four core hazards that (I believe) every re/married partner needs to know:
1) why and how to assess and reduce co-parents' psychological wounds from childhood (vs. divorce);
2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it;
3) co-parent unawareness of five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) keys to high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and - for some - (e) stepfamily realities and norms and implications. and...
4) little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media.
In my clinical experience, these factors will combine to block the most motivated adults from following well-meant re/marital and stepparenting advice, as in this book. If ignored, the factors inexorably promote choosing the wrong people to re/wed, for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time - and subsequent stresses and re/divorce. Awareness, acceptance, and discussion of these factors - ideally starting in courtship - can reduce the first three stressors, and help to achieve high-nurturance stepfamilies.
For more perspective on this review, see:
http://sfhelp.org/11/choose_bks.htm
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