Rating: 
Summary: Pediatrician finds book useful and easy to read.
Review: As a general pediatrician in suburban Dallas, parents not infrequently ask me to suggest a book that will help them gain control over their defiant child. I am happy to say that I have discovered an answer to their struggles. Ray Levy's book is an easy read and is full of practical suggestions for surviving parenthood under the challenges of life with a defiant child. The writing style is informal and anecdotal with many humorous examples with which any parent can readily relate. I have three beautiful children, none of whom I would describe as defiant, and I still find some of the techniques in the book to be useful in my own home. I have ordered 4 additional copies of the book so that I can place one in each of my exam rooms for parents to peruse. I hope you find this book as useful as I have.
Rating: 
Summary: Simple strategies that turn off the tantrums!!!!!!!
Review: I am one of those frustrated parent who have an extremely hard head 2 yrs old son who like having a tantrum several times a day at least! We felt so ineffective in disciplining him.
In this book, Child therapists Ray Levy, Ph.D. and Bill O'Hanlon offer a revolutionary approach on how to parent your difficult child's behavior. It was written in a simple conversational style that make it easy to understand and apply. This is a truely helpful manual for parents with kids from 2 to 12. It teaches you how to take loving but firm charge of the difficult child while keeping your cool!!!!!
Rating: 
Summary: Okay except one thing
Review: I find the book quite useful in outlining strategies on dealing with non-compliant children. However, one thing I can't get past is the recommended 'hold down' approach. The authors justified that method with their experience, but I can't imagine what this teaches the child - 'I can hold you down because I'm stronger than you'. You can only do this for so long, and it advocates violence, no matter how they defend it. They said children actually become more loving as a result. Maybe those children just become more accepting of things because they deem their parents as unpredictable and willing to resort to 'violence'?
Rating:
Summary: Extremely Helpful
Review: I found this book very clear and easy to follow with real advice for parents that can be implemented quickly without training and difficult components. It made sense and helped with behavior that is puzzling and resistant to other methods - especially helpful to the understanding of why the "usual" methods may not be working. Everyone should know that this is very useful for preteens and teens - don't pay attention to a blurb on the cover which says for toddlers to 12 years old - many examples and tips for preteens and teens. Also Dr. Levy gives seminars in various cities and is very entertaining and informative - if you get a chance go to one.
Rating: 
Summary: Am I missing something?
Review: If there's anything new or groundbreaking in this book, I must have missed it. It's the same old time-out, reward and punishment doctrine. They've even included a swell picture showing parents how to restrain their children. Want to understand why your child is defiant? Want a compassionate, enlightened approach to parenting? Wrong book.
Rating:
Summary: Okay except one thing
Review: My main complaint about this book is its patronizing, dehumanizing portrayal of both children and parents. The children are referred to as "terrors" and are readily assigned labels which make it easy for the writers to pigeonhole their negative behaviors. They are dehumanized as monsters who exist solely to cause their parents emotional pain and social embarrassment. Parents are similarly portrayed as charicatures by being unusually docile, lacking in confidence and feeble in their discipline attempts. These do not seem to be real world, average folk.There's a great deal of parental controlling recommended, and virtually no consideration of treating the child like a human with unique feelings and emotions. Having parents respect the child is not at all important. I want to raise smart, socially savvy children who respect the rights and talents of others. This book does not support my goals and has become one of the very few books I have tossed in the trash. If you want more balanced guidance on handling disciplinary problems, please try a different book.
Rating:
Summary: Horrible . . . Don't waste your money or your time
Review: My main complaint about this book is its patronizing, dehumanizing portrayal of both children and parents. The children are referred to as "terrors" and are readily assigned labels which make it easy for the writers to pigeonhole their negative behaviors. They are dehumanized as monsters who exist solely to cause their parents emotional pain and social embarrassment. Parents are similarly portrayed as charicatures by being unusually docile, lacking in confidence and feeble in their discipline attempts. These do not seem to be real world, average folk. There's a great deal of parental controlling recommended, and virtually no consideration of treating the child like a human with unique feelings and emotions. Having parents respect the child is not at all important. I want to raise smart, socially savvy children who respect the rights and talents of others. This book does not support my goals and has become one of the very few books I have tossed in the trash. If you want more balanced guidance on handling disciplinary problems, please try a different book.
Rating:
Summary: Refreshingly user-friendly
Review: Not really ground breaking, but a refreshingly readable and user friendly book, clearly written for parents. The book is written in an unpretentious manner and acknowledges that not all discipline methods work the same with all children. Many proven techniques are explained with the emphasis on developing a childs personal skills, shutting down negative behaviour, and maintainng parental authority.
Clever (and often humorously unrelated to parenting) analogies made the authors points clear to understand in a lighthearted way.
The book explains why paising and charts/rewards systems are so ineffective with defiant children. Also provided are many helpful scripts and phrases that are useful in shutting down arguing and badgering.
I liked how it is stressed to use empathy and sadness when using consequences (as opposed to anger) making them much more effective. One problem I had though, was that most of the consequences described seemed to involve forcing the child to do something. With non-compliance it is sometimes easier to take something away than to try and force an un-cooperative child to accomplish something.
The book also reminds parents that even the best discipline methods are completely ineffective without first building a strong relationship with your child.
Some other good books with similar philosophies are: "The Manipulative Child: How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful, and Independent Kids", Setting Limits" by Robert J MacKenzie, and "Parenting the Strong-Willed Child". "Try and Make Me" is an excellent and very encouraging book, well worth reading.
Rating:
Summary: Hope for frustrated parents
Review: Parents who are experiencing difficulty in dealing with "defiant" children who lack the motivation to behave and "inflexible" children who lack the skills, can find much help here! This book is incisive, personal, interesting and practical. It gives hope and you are encouraged to "Never, Ever Give Up". Key ideas are summarised in "Behavior Basics", usually with sub-headings, at the end of most of the 24 chapters. E.g. "Three Parenting Styles Likely to Produce or Aggravate Defiance. 1. Defiant parents. These people micromanage and come down too hard on kids. Making every issue a control issue is bound to create more opposition and defiance. 2. Peacemaker parents. For varying reasons, these parents will cough up money or stretch themselves to their outer limits-all to avoid conflict. 3. Apprehensive parents. ¡Kthese parents don't provide their kids with appropriate discipline and en up parenting out of fear." (p.21) If you first look through all these succinct summaries you get a good idea of the book already. Interesting metaphors often convey the points well. Is our child like a horse, positively motivated and cooperative, or a camel, that sometimes has to be prodded (light a fire under the tail!)? Does he have "garlic problems" that he bothers others without self-awreness or "bean problems" that he is aware of causing? The authors advocate a blending of both positive and negative motivations to prepare our children for the real world. They debunk myths about parenting ("Nothing works with these kids", "It's all biochemical"¡K). Praise doesn't work. But acknowledgements--statements that help the child figure out who he is, are a way of showing appreciation without value judgment. They are useful. Just give specific description of the behavior noticed. Also distinguish between consequences (asked to clean the room again) and punishment (grounding the child from TV for not cleaning the room). Consequences teach the child. Look through "Brain-Dead Phrases You Can Use" (pp. 70-71) or "Scripts for Shutting Down Arguments" (pp.208-9). Short and simple replies like, "Could be", "Good try", "Sorry you feel that way¡K" can diffuse many unnecessary explosions. This is a practical book for parents, and teachers too. Those who like the book, may find it valuable to also study O'Hanlon's "Do One Thing Different" and "A Guide to Possibility Land".
Rating:
Summary: Hope for frustrated parents
Review: Parents who are experiencing difficulty in dealing with "defiant" children who lack the motivation to behave and "inflexible" children who lack the skills, can find much help here! This book is incisive, personal, interesting and practical. It gives hope and you are encouraged to "Never, Ever Give Up". Key ideas are summarised in "Behavior Basics", usually with sub-headings, at the end of most of the 24 chapters. E.g. "Three Parenting Styles Likely to Produce or Aggravate Defiance. 1. Defiant parents. These people micromanage and come down too hard on kids. Making every issue a control issue is bound to create more opposition and defiance. 2. Peacemaker parents. For varying reasons, these parents will cough up money or stretch themselves to their outer limits-all to avoid conflict. 3. Apprehensive parents. ¡Kthese parents don't provide their kids with appropriate discipline and en up parenting out of fear." (p.21) If you first look through all these succinct summaries you get a good idea of the book already. Interesting metaphors often convey the points well. Is our child like a horse, positively motivated and cooperative, or a camel, that sometimes has to be prodded (light a fire under the tail!)? Does he have "garlic problems" that he bothers others without self-awreness or "bean problems" that he is aware of causing? The authors advocate a blending of both positive and negative motivations to prepare our children for the real world. They debunk myths about parenting ("Nothing works with these kids", "It's all biochemical"¡K). Praise doesn't work. But acknowledgements--statements that help the child figure out who he is, are a way of showing appreciation without value judgment. They are useful. Just give specific description of the behavior noticed. Also distinguish between consequences (asked to clean the room again) and punishment (grounding the child from TV for not cleaning the room). Consequences teach the child. Look through "Brain-Dead Phrases You Can Use" (pp. 70-71) or "Scripts for Shutting Down Arguments" (pp.208-9). Short and simple replies like, "Could be", "Good try", "Sorry you feel that way¡K" can diffuse many unnecessary explosions. This is a practical book for parents, and teachers too. Those who like the book, may find it valuable to also study O'Hanlon's "Do One Thing Different" and "A Guide to Possibility Land".
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