Rating: ![5 stars](http://www.reviewfocus.com/images/stars-5-0.gif) Summary: A must-read for both men and women Review: Nancy Friday has "done it" with this book. Much as John Bradshaw's "Inner Child" work in the early '90's created a shift in our understanding of the human heart, Nancy Friday's work in this particular book, predating his by almost two decades, leads the way to conscious living in today's society- and crying real cleansing tears- unlike anything I've read. Underneath the poetry that is recited in most New-Age philosophical literature today, from Marianne Williamson to Iyanla Vanzant- particularly that which is written by women- seems to be this unvoiced feeling of existential anxiety that sits like a pink polka-dotted elephant with wings on top of the refrigerator of their minds. They try to keep their ideas pure, fresh, and, though attempting to portray them as warm, they come off often surprisingly cold- particularly when speaking about men, marriage, family and male/female relationships. I am often left feeling as if I've been laughed at or dismissed underneath being taught a new way to pray in their books, because that secret anxiety has been successfully transferred to me, the ignorant "neophyte" of their modern spiritual age. Nancy Friday not only dares- and dares us- to look at that pink elephant of anxiety and listen to its screaming truth with courage with this book, SHE GIVES US AN ANATOMY LESSON ON IT.And perhaps that is the magic of it. Talk is often rendered so cheap in most of the self-help literature specifcally by its childlike dwelling on the concept "fear" as if it were the one-dimensional devil from Medieval Christianity decaffinated by modern secular society. I come away from much of their work quietly confused by the ironically mildly frightening context of it being something- once recognized- immediately vanquished in all areas of life simply by thinking spiritually; knowing that everyone from Olympic athletes to worldclass entertainers and performers to happily married people after ten years must have something more than that to go on to be what they are. The spiritual books sell of course, but the tonic doesn't last more often than not and our personal anxiety returns, because such an easily marketable approach often exacerbates the very issues detailed in MY MOTHER, MY SELF via trivializing their alternately undistinguished and ignored destructive power. MY MOTHER, MY SELF is the kind of book that creates the paradigm shift everyone searches for in figuring out the pain of their broken relationships, and the embarrasing patterns that engender them, underneath the "isms" of society that we normally run to to explain them. Nancy could have stopped with redeeming the power of everything you thought you knew about Freud, his disciples and their work on the mother/child relationship, but she goes far beyond that. This is the kind of book that lets you see what could be stopping you in every area of life, from sex to career, from living to the fullest of your capabilities. This is the kind of book that stops treating fear, (particularly "I'm afraid of my own power [*ohmm*]") as a mantra we simply need to stop saying in our heads, and gives us a schematic diagram of it's architecture to see how we are LIVING in it. (We simply and so often just move from room to room- sex to relationships to career to family to friends to competitions to politics to money to "spirit", back to family and to relationships- because the full recognition of where we are living emotionally and existentially is still not as damaging or painful to our minds as the realization of it's consequences beyond a given compartmentalized area of our lives.) In so doing- letting us see fear is a house in which we've living and operating from, a house with a name- we see through her work how we have been living and treating others in most of our lives, and how simply it explains so many otherwise made-mysterious things that cause us such unhappiness and lack of personal fulfillment. It obviously looks like it was written purely for women. But it really isn't. Especially because in today's society (some twenty years after its first printing), many identity and sex roles are being reversed even moreso among women and men. But also becuase many men, like myself, have been raised in a single female parent household in such a way as to have the selfsame psychological issues women have. Because of the difference in expectations of our gender, we are just treated with an open contempt for their unconscious expression, instead of the sublimated pity with which we in the world habitually treat women. It also enables men to see what does often detroy our relationships, particularly when, after the true committment has been established in our hearts and openly shown to the world, the Dr. Jeckyll we've fallen in love with turns into the Mrs. Hyde we never saw before- or thought we left at her mother's house. As an instinctive lover of irony, it is never lost on me that as a man, the most soul-freeing book I've read in quite some time were written especially for women. (So was the last one [Friday's JEALOUSY])! But despite the small drawbacks in it being dated, thereby not showing the many new female heroines of today, I can assure any woman and man reading this that you will not be able to look at relationship issues and today's world the same afterwards.
Rating: ![4 stars](http://www.reviewfocus.com/images/stars-4-0.gif) Summary: Opening the window to a girl's soul Review: This book is a must read for every young adolescent girl who find themseleves torn between their quest for individuality and their desire to retain a symbiotic nature with their mother. Friday answers several important questions regarding the development of young woman's sexuality, and the conflicts and misguided messages she faces in trying to grow up as a free thinking, independent women. Much to my surprise, Friday showed me the tremendous influence my parents had in shaping my life, especially my mother. This book is a definite keeper and one you will surely discover brings light to so many unanswered questions.
Rating: ![5 stars](http://www.reviewfocus.com/images/stars-5-0.gif) Summary: Astounding! Review: This book left me speechless and so clear about so many questions and ideas I surprisingly carried with me since a young girl. It touched me so much that night that after I finished it, I could not sleep. I wrote my mother a very heartfelt letter and mailed it that next morning. When I woke up that morning I didn't only have a mother but a true friend
Rating: ![2 stars](http://www.reviewfocus.com/images/stars-2-0.gif) Summary: I've read better... Review: This book was written for women, as such men will come away feeling that women are "really screwed up" about thier mothers, and while it does attempt to explain certian things, you do get the feeling that the author wants somebody to blame for the things that have gone wrong in her life... One wonders what her mother though on reading it, if she ever has. Personally I think "Our Mother's Daughters" by Judith Arcana (published by The Women's Press) is a far better book, a far better read for men too, especially if you want to understand the woman your mother is, rather than the woman you would have her be. I love my mother, I read her copies of both books, her mother is now dead, it took her a lifetime to deal with the pain, don't waste yours doing the same. Forgive and forget, we are only human after all.
Rating: ![2 stars](http://www.reviewfocus.com/images/stars-2-0.gif) Summary: I've read better... Review: This book was written for women, as such men will come away feeling that women are "really screwed up" about thier mothers, and while it does attempt to explain certian things, you do get the feeling that the author wants somebody to blame for the things that have gone wrong in her life... One wonders what her mother though on reading it, if she ever has. Personally I think "Our Mother's Daughters" by Judith Arcana (published by The Women's Press) is a far better book, a far better read for men too, especially if you want to understand the woman your mother is, rather than the woman you would have her be. I love my mother, I read her copies of both books, her mother is now dead, it took her a lifetime to deal with the pain, don't waste yours doing the same. Forgive and forget, we are only human after all.
Rating: ![2 stars](http://www.reviewfocus.com/images/stars-2-0.gif) Summary: Dated! Review: This is an excellent book! Really essential for women whom have trouble with their mothers when dealing with anger, fear and other mixed emotions. You will catch yourself reading some of the passages over and over and over again. This book touches your heart and doesn't let go. I have read this book several times and each and every time I do get something different out of it. This is an excellent self-development book and I highly recommend it to everyone...men and women alike.
Rating: ![5 stars](http://www.reviewfocus.com/images/stars-5-0.gif) Summary: Truly Very Powerful! Review: This is an excellent book! Really essential for women whom have trouble with their mothers when dealing with anger, fear and other mixed emotions. You will catch yourself reading some of the passages over and over and over again. This book touches your heart and doesn't let go. I have read this book several times and each and every time I do get something different out of it. This is an excellent self-development book and I highly recommend it to everyone...men and women alike.
Rating: ![2 stars](http://www.reviewfocus.com/images/stars-2-0.gif) Summary: Dated! Review: Upon re-reading this book after many years, I found that unconditionally embracing what were once Friday's unique perspectives on our relationships, especially with our mothers, is as bad as buying into society's bill of goods as to who we are and who we're supposed to be as women. There was a time when these ideas were on the mark, but for any person who questions what they read and are told by the "experts," this book can be disturbing in its rigidity. No modern free-thinkers need apply!
Rating: ![5 stars](http://www.reviewfocus.com/images/stars-5-0.gif) Summary: A must read for all women Review: What a fabulous book! It's especially great for women who have trouble with their mothers specifically when dealing with guilt, fear, and anger, to name a few emotions. You'll find yourself reading passages over and over again. The words on the pages literally jump right out at you and grab hold of your heart. It's definitely something that must be read more than once. Once you pick it up, you won't want to put it down! Flawless! It surely helped me turn my life around.
Rating: ![5 stars](http://www.reviewfocus.com/images/stars-5-0.gif) Summary: Definitions of Mother Review: What I loved most about this book was that the women who gave birth to us are our mothers, but women who teach us life lessons are also our mothers. The definition of mother grows with our abilities to accept more nurturers and teachers in our lives. It is very important to accept the fact about our mothers that they were only human and did the best they could, but that's another life lesson that can ripple more globally. Ultimately, this book is about choosing mentors and tolerance for human frailties. I'm glad it's still in print.
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