Rating: 
Summary: A Practical Way to Look at Parenting
Review: As with a prior reviewer, I should start by saying that our family went through the Hyde School program, which the authors lead. Like everything else in life it isn't perfect, but it left each of us -- parents and kids -- with much better tools to do our best in our lives. My marriage, my relationships with my kids and my work performance all grew because I started growing again as a person... something I had stopped doing for a while without even realizing it. My son was the student there but I got a tremendous gift from my participation.BTW, the school program has nothing to do with substance abuse, although some kids who go there have had those problems. That's also true for our local high school. If I had to boil it down in my own words, the Hyde program and the Gaulds' core goals are about figuring out what your dreams really are, and then "walking the walk" about pursuing them. This book talks about these principles and values in the context of parenting, but going through the program I instantly saw practical places where it applied to my marriage and my work life as well. I have very little patience for flighty theoretical "how to live your life" books. I found this book quite down-to-earth rather than off in some idealized universe, and it gave me ideas I could start to use immediately. In the end it was inspiring and addresses both mind and spirit, but those benefits come "bottom up" from the practical wisdom rather than from long speeches about how things ought to be inside our heads. So count me as someone who got tremendous benefits from the program this book represents.
Rating:
Summary: A Practical Way to Look at Parenting
Review: As with a prior reviewer, I should start by saying that our family went through the Hyde School program, which the authors lead. Like everything else in life it isn't perfect, but it left each of us -- parents and kids -- with much better tools to do our best in our lives. My marriage, my relationships with my kids and my work performance all grew because I started growing again as a person... something I had stopped doing for a while without even realizing it. My son was the student there but I got a tremendous gift from my participation. BTW, the school program has nothing to do with substance abuse, although some kids who go there have had those problems. That's also true for our local high school. If I had to boil it down in my own words, the Hyde program and the Gaulds' core goals are about figuring out what your dreams really are, and then "walking the walk" about pursuing them. This book talks about these principles and values in the context of parenting, but going through the program I instantly saw practical places where it applied to my marriage and my work life as well. I have very little patience for flighty theoretical "how to live your life" books. I found this book quite down-to-earth rather than off in some idealized universe, and it gave me ideas I could start to use immediately. In the end it was inspiring and addresses both mind and spirit, but those benefits come "bottom up" from the practical wisdom rather than from long speeches about how things ought to be inside our heads. So count me as someone who got tremendous benefits from the program this book represents.
Rating: 
Summary: Practical character first based parenting
Review: First, let me say right off that my younger son attends the Hyde School in Bath, ME. Second, let me state that I could not be more satisfied with the school: how it has helped him and how it has helped me and the other members of my family. I hoped for and expected the former; the latter came as a complete surprise and I am still somewhat amazed (and bemused). But it is part and parcel of the Hyde philosphy and approach. My experience is certainly not unique. The book was much better than I had expected. It describes the basics of a 'character first' approach to bringing up kids. It is the philosophy used in Hyde's character first approach to education. The basic philosophy: build character, expect excellence, and the rest will follow. And, the entire family is the unit involved. (Please remember, this is a true nutshell description.) Academic achievement (or lack thereof) is NOT a criterion of admission to the Hyde schools. Yet, an astounding 97 or 98% of the graduating seniors receive four year college acceptance! And, from personal experience I can tell you that they walk the walk at Hyde. I've seen it. More than once. So, this is not a book of academic, head-in-the-clouds theorizing about what "should" be done. It is a book grounded in many, many years of actual practice and experience, not only to the students but to the staffs' own children. The "reader from California" who stated "this school is for kids with substance abuse issues": Well, my son did not and does not have such issues, and a school whose main purpose was to serve such a population would NOT have been appropriate for him. At all. Similarly for most of the students at Hyde. The drug/substance program at Hyde is run independently of the school and is an additional expense payable to that program and not to Hyde. It is only chosen by a minority of parents. Hyde is not, in general, (in my opinion) the proper option for students requiring significant drug intervention such as a 24x7 environment. In addition, a surprising number of parents send their younger children to Hyde after seeing the success of their older child at the school. I also wonder on what that reviewer based their statement that the Hyde approach can cause "more harm than good" with 'normal' kids. As for the _Publishers Weekly_ reviewer who criticized the book for not providing an analysis of the "social, economic, and cultural factors that cause the alienation, boredom, underachievement, and family dysfunction", this is pretty ludicrous. I mean, why didn't they also criticize the authors for not solving the problem of world peace? This is a book on practical parenting. Parents must parent now. Parents can't wait for the Correct Analysis of All the Ills of Society and How It Affects Our Children to issue forth. As if it ever could or will. I would also recommend _Character First: The Hyde School Difference_ by Joe Gauld, founder of the Hyde schools. I prefer it even more, partly because of its description of his own personal journey of feeling compelled to leave his highly successful career in private schools to begin a 'character first' base school. It's out of print but available used at Amazon. However, its emphasis is not as much into the nuts and bolts. 4 stars but that's saying a lot for me as most other parenting and self-help books get consigned to my "gag me with a spoon" pile. This book is definitely for real and high on my scale. As I said, they walk the walk.
Rating:
Summary: Practical character first based parenting
Review: First, let me say right off that my younger son attends the Hyde School in Bath, ME. Second, let me state that I could not be more satisfied with the school: how it has helped him and how it has helped me and the other members of my family. I hoped for and expected the former; the latter came as a complete surprise and I am still somewhat amazed (and bemused). But it is part and parcel of the Hyde philosphy and approach. My experience is certainly not unique. The book was much better than I had expected. It describes the basics of a 'character first' approach to bringing up kids. It is the philosophy used in Hyde's character first approach to education. The basic philosophy: build character, expect excellence, and the rest will follow. And, the entire family is the unit involved. (Please remember, this is a true nutshell description.) Academic achievement (or lack thereof) is NOT a criterion of admission to the Hyde schools. Yet, an astounding 97 or 98% of the graduating seniors receive four year college acceptance! And, from personal experience I can tell you that they walk the walk at Hyde. I've seen it. More than once. So, this is not a book of academic, head-in-the-clouds theorizing about what "should" be done. It is a book grounded in many, many years of actual practice and experience, not only to the students but to the staffs' own children. The "reader from California" who stated "this school is for kids with substance abuse issues": Well, my son did not and does not have such issues, and a school whose main purpose was to serve such a population would NOT have been appropriate for him. At all. Similarly for most of the students at Hyde. The drug/substance program at Hyde is run independently of the school and is an additional expense payable to that program and not to Hyde. It is only chosen by a minority of parents. Hyde is not, in general, (in my opinion) the proper option for students requiring significant drug intervention such as a 24x7 environment. In addition, a surprising number of parents send their younger children to Hyde after seeing the success of their older child at the school. I also wonder on what that reviewer based their statement that the Hyde approach can cause "more harm than good" with 'normal' kids. As for the _Publishers Weekly_ reviewer who criticized the book for not providing an analysis of the "social, economic, and cultural factors that cause the alienation, boredom, underachievement, and family dysfunction", this is pretty ludicrous. I mean, why didn't they also criticize the authors for not solving the problem of world peace? This is a book on practical parenting. Parents must parent now. Parents can't wait for the Correct Analysis of All the Ills of Society and How It Affects Our Children to issue forth. As if it ever could or will. I would also recommend _Character First: The Hyde School Difference_ by Joe Gauld, founder of the Hyde schools. I prefer it even more, partly because of its description of his own personal journey of feeling compelled to leave his highly successful career in private schools to begin a 'character first' base school. It's out of print but available used at Amazon. However, its emphasis is not as much into the nuts and bolts. 4 stars but that's saying a lot for me as most other parenting and self-help books get consigned to my "gag me with a spoon" pile. This book is definitely for real and high on my scale. As I said, they walk the walk.
Rating:
Summary: About the Book...
Review: I found this book to be one of the best parenting books I have ever read. Life is about character first and that is what I want to teach my children in my home. One quote I love is (from memory) "we need to teach our children they are accountable to life, not to us". How true is that?? When I finished reading this book I closed it and said "I wish I could buy a copy for every parent I know." I feel one of the best things I got from the book was all of our children can and will make mistakes... we as parents can and will make mistakes. In today's society we feel everything has to be neat a clean and sometimes life is messy. This book has helped me understand that that is ok and we need to reach out and make connections so other know it is ok. I found the journaling questions to be very thought provoking and the exercise ideas great. We did the thank you one of my Father in law's 60th birthday. So from me mom to 3 boys and community leader for Positive Discipine... I HIGHLY recommend this book to every parent. The BOOK is fabulous!
Rating:
Summary: Help your kids be competent and caring!
Review: I started reading this book by flipping around the chapters and finding useful ideas about parenting and was so profoundly effected that I studied it from cover to cover. I asked my husband to read it also, and at first he was luke warm to the idea because he is reading his own books, but he is sailing through it and talking a lot about the different concepts. We have a whole new understanding of what it means to be good parents. This book offers a different perspective, which is parenting by working on yourself and expecting a lot from yourself and your children. If I had more money I would buy this book for all my friends with kids. Since I can't do that I am recommending it to everyone I know. I feel so empowered personally to be more of the person I want to be, and very excited about parenting in a new, more confident way. Also, I think I understand my own development better after reading this book. This book is a must read for parents who want kids to be successful at being themselves! Competent, happy and socially caring, that's what I want for my kids. I have nothing to do with the Hyde school or anything, this book is for parents everywhere.
Rating:
Summary: Help your kids be competent and caring!
Review: I started reading this book by flipping around the chapters and finding useful ideas about parenting and was so profoundly effected that I studied it from cover to cover. I asked my husband to read it also, and at first he was luke warm to the idea because he is reading his own books, but he is sailing through it and talking a lot about the different concepts. We have a whole new understanding of what it means to be good parents. This book offers a different perspective, which is parenting by working on yourself and expecting a lot from yourself and your children. If I had more money I would buy this book for all my friends with kids. Since I can't do that I am recommending it to everyone I know. I feel so empowered personally to be more of the person I want to be, and very excited about parenting in a new, more confident way. Also, I think I understand my own development better after reading this book. This book is a must read for parents who want kids to be successful at being themselves! Competent, happy and socially caring, that's what I want for my kids. I have nothing to do with the Hyde school or anything, this book is for parents everywhere.
Rating: 
Summary: More of the same.com
Review: These lessons are the same ones I continue to read in other books based on character education. I don't think there is anything unique about the Gauld's book that we haven't heard before. We must inspire our children, the apple doesn't fall far, if we want our children to raise the bar for themselves then we must raise the bar for ourselves. How many times do we read these same words of advice and hear them on Dr. Phil?
[...] The book gives outstanding statistics on college acceptances for graduating students. My question is, how many of these students are still in college after the first year? In many of these programs the students are like prisoners released from jail. They are rehabilitated, but cannot make it in the outside world and end up failing. I would like to see the follow up statistics and then I would be impressed. --This text refers to the Hardcover edition
Rating:
Summary: ESSENTIAL READING FOR ALL PARENTS!
Review: This book by Laura and Malcolm Gauld opened my eyes to a new approach to parenting. While they admit that there are no easy answers, they give us a clear and useful guide to raising children of character in today's world. The authors are very candid about their own lives and experiences as parents and educators. Their use of personal anecdotes of their own and parents they have worked with make the book an entertaining read. In addition, the book offers tools to apply these principles to your family. An excellent addition to the literature on parenting- a fresh approach that everyone can relate to!
Rating:
Summary: Not the Whole Story
Review: This book paints an appealing image of an enlightened high school that involves the whole family in developing positive character traits. We do not doubt the authors' sincerity, genuine enthusiasm for, and commitment to the Hyde Schools. Clearly, these authors are eager to spread the good word. However, our actual experience as parents of a Hyde School (in Woodstock, Conn.) student showed us that the practices and policies used to teach "character" often, paradoxically, violate the noble principles articulated in this book and espoused at the school. In our view, it is ironic that a school whose mission is character education is misrepresented in this book, which provides a misleading, partial picture of the Hyde we experienced. Also, it's unfortunate that this book on education, written by educators, does not explicitly refer to the research and theoretical literature on effective behavior management, adolescent development, and education; much of this literature questions methods we saw used at Hyde.
At Hyde we encountered a number of staff who routinely shame, blame, intimidate, name call, demean, scorn, and humiliate students and parents, all in the name of "character education." Mandatory family seminars we attended required, in our view, inappropriate self-disclosures, poor boundaries, and destructive interpersonal behaviors among students, staff, and parents.
This book does not sufficiently acknowledge that the vast majority of the students enrolled at Hyde have been, in the words of senior administrators who spoke at meetings we attended there, "deported" by parents no longer able to contain their teens at home; these parents hoped Hyde would "fix" the child, "turn the child around." In our opinion, this lack of transparency contradicts the book's stance that honesty and integrity matter.
The Hyde student body is not composed solely of willfully disobedient teens who simply need to "shape up" and toe the line. We encountered a significant number of vulnerable teens at Hyde with documented mental health diagnoses that we think the school is not equipped to address; other than a nurse whose job is to dispense medications, there were no trained, licensed professional mental health staff. Routine use of enforced sleep deprivation as a punishment for "character flaws" sometimes exacerbates these students' mental health symptoms. At Hyde, bona fide mental health struggles are typically viewed as intentional misbehavior, not as legitimate medical issues requiring special care. A youngster with a mental health diagnosis may be struggling with more than just "character flaws" (although we agree with the Hyde perspective that character issues sometimes must be addressed as well - a mental health diagnosis does not excuse a teen's conscious choice to behave obnoxiously or break the rules).
Paradoxically, while the book says the school involves parents in the character education process, in our experience at the school parents are often deliberately kept out of the loop. When parents question the school's approach, they are accused of not "buying into the Hyde process," and this in itself is defined as a character flaw; a parent's question is not treated as a legitimate concern worthy of discussion. Alternative perspectives are not tolerated well; in our view, it's ironic that a school which espouses the values of "respect," "integrity," "concern," "conscience," "truth over harmony," and "courage" directly maligns the character and motivations of those who articulate points of view that differ from Hyde's party line. At Hyde it seems that one size is supposed to fit all; it's the Hyde way or the highway.
There are, of course, many Hyde families who love the school and feel helped by Hyde's aggressively confrontational, directive, doctrinaire approach. Our concern is that this book by Hyde personnel camouflages and misrepresents what actually goes on at the school. While we do not impugn the authors' character or motives, the book provides only a partial view of the Hyde we experienced.
(NOTE: Several earlier reviews that raised concerns about the book and the Hyde model have been removed from this site.)
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