Step-By Step-Parenting/a Guide to Successful Living With a Blended Family

Rating:
Summary: readable, commendable scope - and misses key points
Review: I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to divorced, courting, and re/wedded couples since 1981. I am (a) 66, (b) a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother, (c) an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, (d) a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and (e) the author of six personal-growth and family-relations books.

I recommend "Step-by-Stepparenting..." to readers who want a readable, realistic introduction to typical stepfamily uncertainties and problems. I do not recommend it to readers seeking to avoid or resolve the core problems that cause widespread stepfamily discontent and re/divorce in our country.

The many vignettes author Eckler provides are representative, relevant, and instructive. However, the book omits explanation of and recommendations for mastering four core hazards that (I believe) every co-parent ands supporter must understand:

1) Keystone: why and how to assess and reduce co-parents' psychological wounds from childhood (vs. divorce);

2) the origin and impacts of blocked grief in adults and kids, and how to spot and reduce it;

3) co-parent unawareness of five key topics: (a) normal personality formation, composition, and function; (b) keys to high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and (e) specific stepfamily realities and implications. And...

4) little effective re/marital and co-parenting help (i.e. courtship coaching, classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media.

In my experience, these factors will often block the best-intentioned adults from following well-meant co-parenting advice like this book provides. If ignored, the four factors inexorably promote (a) choosing the wrong people to re/wed, for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time, and (b) subsequent escalating stresses and potential re/divorce. Awareness, acceptance, and discussion can reduce the first three stressors, and help co-parents to achieve the high-nurturance stepfamilies they long for.

For more perspective on this review, see:

http://sfhelp.org/11/choose_bks.htm