Rating: 
Summary: Who's first?
Review: I am the ex wife and the stepmother, it hasn't been easy. This book was so great that I had one shipped to my husband's ex wife and asked for a truce. A must read if you have to share kids with any other woman!
Rating: 
Summary: What a great book!
Review: I am the ex wife and the stepmother, it hasn't been easy. This book was so great that I had one shipped to my husband's ex wife and asked for a truce. A must read if you have to share kids with any other woman!
Rating:
Summary: Stepwives practically saved my life!!
Review: I can't even tell you how much my life has been a huge, huge struggle since my marriage to a man with an ex-wife and children. This book has become my refuge, my support. I take comfort in the fact that I'm going through the same thing others have gone through. Not only am I not alone, I am working the program and I can honestly say it works. And you can work it alone. In changing my behavior I have changed the way my stepwife respondes to me, my husband and me co-parenting her children. This book is exactly what the modern world of mixed marriages needs! Kids from divorced families often have problems in school, life, relationships, etc., and although "put the kids first" sounds common sensical, it's really not, because I know from experience we get so wrapped up in our own issues that the kids' needs are accidentally neglected. I've already noticed a difference in my stepchildrens attitudes and I think this will really help them with their futures. Conflicts will arise, especially in my situation, but illustrating for children how to manage and be civil and get along with those who have been basic enemies for years will teach them more valuable a lesson than parents who stay together fighting. I am so thankful for this book. If you're a stepwive or someone you know is, you will benefit from this book!
Rating:
Summary: Honest and funny
Review: I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "what does a guy know about being a wife or an ex-wife?". And that's a valid question. Before I read this book I can honestly say that I didn't know much. Now, well, now I'd say I have a little more insight, and what's most surprising is that the insight was painless to achieve. The book is written in a simple style that is as touching as it is accessible. These women take situations that are rife with conflict, from the wedding day that seals their fates to a simple matter of two women wearing the same shoes. Each delivers her side of the story so directly that you can't help but feel that in every situation they are both absolutely right. This is the center of drama, the baseline of comedy, and simply often a fact of life. And this truth is the heart of the book, and only possible because both of these authors believe that in any situation they both can be right. One person being right does not make the other person automatically wrong. This knowledge has infused these women with the power to work together to bring their story to the rest of us, but they don't leave it at that. The book offers exercises, quizzes, and a practical approach to making the "step-wife" relationship less volatile. I enjoyed reading this book, and I would recommend it not only to those who find themselves in a step-wife relationship, but also to those who wish to understand one of them. Because, guys, if you're like me, you can go from zero to fifty with one book and understanding what's going on around you will help you make life easier on yourself. And ladies, even if only one step-wife does these exercises, Oxhorn and Oxhorn-Ringwood promise that results will come, maybe not as quickly as if both step-wives participated, but they will come. After what I've read of these women, I, for one, believe them.
Rating: 
Summary: These women are amazing, but you be, too?
Review: I won this book in a radio contest and read it in two days, as it was pretty light reading and very scanable. The central theme is that "Stepwives," the term they coined to describe the relationship between women who have been married to the same guy (not at the same time), can get along better if they don't resort to petty, self-involved territorial wars. The authors, two stepwives and a therapist, are good at laying out areas that are common pitfalls for the worst part of one's character when dealing with a husband's ex- or new wife. They spell out well why SHE might not be receptive to you, and the book, I think would help build empathy between women who have consistent and regular contact that is necessitated by caring for the same child. But, while the jacket says that both of you don't have to take part in the program to improve the situation, the improvements would be pretty limited on one's own. Yes, you can make your child more comfortable in your home by not bashing the other woman, being cooperative, setting limits, etc., but really, if the other woman won't participate or be open to your needs and issues, it seems doomed. This book also focuses on stepwives with children at home and wouldn't be helpful to women who deal with adult children. I did think some of the writing was simplistic. For example, the authors give you "feeling words" so you can accurately describe your feelings to yourself or identify issues. Also, I found the authors' PRESCRPTON for successful "comamas" to be a little gimmicky. (It's a "prescription" without the "I" because selfishness has no place in this method.) There is, of course, always something to be said for anything that encourages people to rise above their petty and jealous feelings for the sake of others. That's where this book makes the most impact.
Rating:
Summary: TheStepfamilyLife - Review of Step-Wives
Review: Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood and Louise Oxhorn were the best of enemies for ten years. Then they learned how to put the struggle behind them and unite for the sake of raising a great kid. Dubbed the original "co-Mamas," Lynne and Louise write from experience about their struggles to understand, communicate and get along. They partnered with family therapist Marjorie Vego-Krausz to assemble this book and their ten step program for moving your stepwife relationship beyond antagonism. One of the things that I liked about this book is that it pointed out - in glaring honesty - the natural hostility found in the stepmother/ex-wife relationship. So often many of us, bruised by awkwardness, just don't want to admit that we are two women trying to share a space originally carved out for one. So we dance politely sidestep the true issues, all the while misunderstanding what the other says and layering onto our relationships years of acrimony and pain. Louise and Lynne describe the turf battles familiar to many stepmoms and ex-wives. Lynne is the ex-wife of Greg - Louise is the woman who replaced Lynne. Lynne describes going into a rage when Louise would volunteer at school with her son Evan's class. Lynne recalls feeling like Louise was just waiting "to pounce" on her and reclaim her old life. How can the two get along? The first thing the authors do is offer some subtle vocabulary switches. Let's be honest - when you hear the words ex-wife and stepmom together in a sentence your first thought is cat fight. "Step-wife" is a term coined for the book and used interchangeably for both stepmoms and ex-wives when both are being discussed together. So how do the "step-wives" keep the peace? According to these former family warmongers, it's not easy to bury the hatchet and get along, but they've devised a ten-step plan (known by the acronym PRESCRPTON) that can yield results: P - Put the kids first. R - Respect each other. E - Empathize and acknowledge feelings. S - Set limits and boundaries. C - Claim your own baggage. R - Remember realistic expectations. P - Problem-solve. T - Talk and communicate effectively. O - Organize consistently. N - Nurture yourself. PRESCRPTON may seem simplistic, and the actual chapter space devoted to explaining it is fairly limited. However, the authors draw together several topics affecting stepmother and ex-wives and explain how to apply PRESCRPTON to real-life situations. They cover some of the most sticky subjects common to stepfamilies - telling your stepchildren when a new baby is on the way, deciding if an ex should attend the funeral of an in-law, dealing with drug abuse or mental illness, and sorting out disciplinary differences between households. Suggestions on how to get along and draw boundaries will be much appreciated by stepfamilies trying to delineate roles. They recommend at least a "basic 5" for interaction between step-wives at public events. The "basic 5" are: (1) smile, (2) make eye contact, (3) say "hello, _______(her name)," (4) be aware of your body language (5) if others are present then introduce and include your step-wife in the conversation. They point out that these basic courtesies are often ignored in stepfamilies still reeling from emotional upheaval but that everyone should be able to manage at least simple civilities. One of the book's strengths is that it shows the reader how to see the points of view felt by others in the stepfamily equation. A chapter on the man in the middle examines the plight of the ex-husband/new husband and identifies common coping strategies men employ to stay out of the cross-fire. Throughout the book, ex-wives and stepmoms are encouraged to empathize with each other and their respective situations. Each chapter addresses stepmoms and ex-wives individually with recommendations and comments. A chapter on second wife syndrome (which afflicts ex-wives) and ex-wife envy (a stepmom illness) discuss the feelings of jealousy common to "step-wives" of all stripes. When the chapter on in-laws recommended that stepmoms should be allowed to go to Thanksgiving dinner without their husband's ex-wife looming over the turkey, I was ready to stand up and cheer! At the same time, I also learned to empathize more with my husband's ex-wife and her situation by reading this book. This book holds plenty of insight and wisdom for any one involved in a stepfamily. The authors recommend that stepmoms and ex-wives both read the book and then have a meeting to outline boundaries. Even if you can't get your "step-wife" to read the book or apply the steps, you will still benefit from it.
Rating:
Summary: Who's first?
Review: Some of the insights in this book are good, but one size does not fit all, and some of the advice seems unrealistic ("When your stepwife is verbally and emotionally abusive...(use) 'I' statements: 'When I hear you scream at me, I don't feel comfortable continuing the discussion. I want to be able to listen and understand what you are feeling.'"). This advice seems simplistic and even misguided, ignoring the very real impact of such behavior on its target, who may be too depleted and traumatized to assume a therapeutic stance toward the initiator of verbal abuse. It sometimes seemed as though the authors were talking very much from their own experiences and perspectives (younger stepmother, father remarrying first, etc.). These were interesting, but not authoritative or entirely generalizable. It also sometimes seemed that the fundamental issue with which the authors were dealing was the mother's feelings of being threatened by the logical consequence of having left her husband--his remarriage and formation of a new family which includes his child. On that issue,I found it interesting that the authors implied that a mother's intensely possessive feelings, and inability to control the resultant difficult (controlling, rude, threatened) behaviors, were natural, an entitlement of motherhood. Examples the authors give are: the mother's worrying, from the birth of her child, that "another woman" would someday take him away (does he belong to her?); being unable to tolerate any demonstrations of affection between her son and his stepmother (the authors counsel stepmothers not to greet or part from their stepchildren affectionately in front of their mother); a mother's likely anger at seeing the stepmother attend school functions with the child's father, and believing that the stepmother should not take part in any school activities without the mother's permission (even when both the father and child want her to). It is difficult to see how these suggestions "put the kids first," as the authors repeatedly counsel, and whether they are realistic and fair to all. Finally, there was little attribution of parallel types of feelings and behaviors to fathers who must watch their children interact with stepfathers, and indeed the father/stepfather dyad seems a less troubled one than mother/stepmother--with BEING a stepmother credited as the most difficult "step" role. One wonders whether an underlying societal attitude that the mother is somehow the more dominant parent gives implicit permission to mothers to act out their feelings, and whether this truly serves the needs of children--particularly those who grow up, loved by all parents, in two separate families.
Rating:
Summary: STEPWIVES
Review: The honesty of the book STEPWIVES really impressed me. As an exwife and stepmother, I related to almost every page.
The miraculous thing about the book is that it was written by the exwife and the second wife of the same poor guy! Their names are Lynne and Louise, and they hated each other for 10 years. They wrote the book after they figured out how to get along. When I heard them on the radio in Toledo this morning, I just had to do this review. STEPWIVES has lots of funny, sad and touching stories that capture the feelings of stepwives and the people in their lives. I loved the advice they gave and tried some of it on my stepwife (my exhusband's wife)and it worked! We have never gotten along and of course, I always blamed her. After reading the book, I began to see how maybe some of the problems were my fault to. I sent her an email, like they suggested, and asked her to meet me in a nuetral spot. She chose a coffee shop. I apologized for not letting her ever pick up my sons from school. I told her that it hurt me to have her do "my job" for my kids and that I now understood that it must feel like I was just trying to control her life. I think she was speechless when she heard my words. That was a month ago. Now, whenever she answers the phone when I call the house to discuss the children with my husband, she says hi to me. Its only a start, but it feels so much better. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a stepwife.
Rating:
Summary: STEPWIVES
Review: The honesty of the book STEPWIVES really impressed me. As an exwife and stepmother, I related to almost every page.
The miraculous thing about the book is that it was written by the exwife and the second wife of the same poor guy! Their names are Lynne and Louise, and they hated each other for 10 years. They wrote the book after they figured out how to get along. When I heard them on the radio in Toledo this morning, I just had to do this review. STEPWIVES has lots of funny, sad and touching stories that capture the feelings of stepwives and the people in their lives. I loved the advice they gave and tried some of it on my stepwife (my exhusband's wife)and it worked! We have never gotten along and of course, I always blamed her. After reading the book, I began to see how maybe some of the problems were my fault to. I sent her an email, like they suggested, and asked her to meet me in a nuetral spot. She chose a coffee shop. I apologized for not letting her ever pick up my sons from school. I told her that it hurt me to have her do "my job" for my kids and that I now understood that it must feel like I was just trying to control her life. I think she was speechless when she heard my words. That was a month ago. Now, whenever she answers the phone when I call the house to discuss the children with my husband, she says hi to me. Its only a start, but it feels so much better. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a stepwife.
Rating: 
Summary: Not a panacea
Review: this approach only works if the two women are sane. If you have a mentally ill and vindictive ex-wife...there is no way to reason with her even with the "ten Steps"
| 
