Rating: Summary: ick Review: attachment parenting is nothing more than pseudo "science" and some of the practices are down right unsafe at worst and guilt inducing for those who are unable to implement them at best. for REAL information on how to attach with your child read "Raising a secure child" by Zeynep Biringen. it is a lot more meaty than pop psychology pap such as this. this woman is a real researcher who has devoted her life to studying bonds between parents and children. Katie Granju is someone who has decided what everyone else should do out of...where?...the spaces of her own cranium???? I remember her way back on AOL after her first child was born and she was pretty much a one woman attack force on anyone who dared challenge her.
Rating: Summary: co sleeping safety Review: re: the reader who noted the lack of safety for co sleepers...which is usually followed by vitriolic comments from the co sleeping fans: almost all the cultures that practice co sleeping and have safety statistics do not sleep in western style bedding. they have mats on the floor or perhaps not even a blanket.no pillows. Japan is the only non primitive society I can think of that regularly practices co sleeping however anyone who has priced real estate in Tokyo recently can clearly see why. and thier bedding is very different from ours. how far are you willing to go to be safe? resort to mats on the floor, forego pillows and comfortors for however many years it takes your child to "naturally" move to their own bed? the reality is that most people do NOT follow the safe co sleeping guidelines. and tragedy results. Sears himself states not to co sleep with ore than one child at a time yet if you do the math on his own personal family he must have broken his own "safe sleep" rules many times over. consider that while it is true that cribs designed to go up to age three or so are a pretty recent invention, you can look across the spectrum of civilized cultures way way back (including biblical..Jesus was laid in a manger, remember?) and find small beds for newborns. why is that? safety is what springs to mind. that even where you might have mom and dad and some older kids crammed in the same room if not the same bed, you still have a small crib or cradle for a newborn. the conclusion you must reach is that repeatedly people learned the hard way what happens when you sleep with a newborn. and they develped separate sleeping aranagements for newborns, not so that they could "detach" but to help insure that they did not get killed. to quote my twelve year old daughter: DUH!
Rating: Summary: The Worst Book on Parenting Since Babywise Review: First came Babywise, the extreme parenting philosophy by which parents were supposed to treat their children like little robots. Now, here's the extreme opposite philosophy from Granju: your baby knows more than you do and any physical separation or crying can cause permanent psychological damage. Rubbish. Whatever happened to BALANCED parenting? Critiques of this completely misguided book follow:
1.IT TEACHES BABY TO BE A SELF-CENTERED CHILD. If Mom is exhausted, too bad. It's never OK to let Baby cry, leave Baby with a caregiver so Mom can get a break, or let Mom sleep by herself with Baby in the crib. Mom cannot use formula so she can get some rest, or let her partner feed Baby, either. Mom must be endlessly self-sacrificing and Baby must always know he/she is the center of the household. What a healthy model for Baby.
2. IT IGNORES THE OTHER PARENT. Of fathers and partners, there is almost no mention in this book. Everything is built around Mother bonding with Baby. Dad cannot feed Baby because Mom must exclusively breastfeed. Dad cannot have an intimate relationship with Mom because Baby is always in the bed. Dad cannot go on a date with Mom because Mom cannot leave Baby. And, Dad cannot bond with Baby while Mom goes out for some R&R. In fact, Dad doesn't appear to be at all important in Baby's life. Statistics resoundingly refute this. The most important thing you can do for your child is give him/her two involved, bonded parents who spend time working on their partnership.
3. IT IS COMPLETELY PATRONIZING TO WORKING MOMS. Have a job? What a terrible parent you are. You must have some seedy motivation to justify working, according to this book. Surely you're not working to give Baby a better life...it must be because you have something seriously wrong with your self-esteem (God forbid you get self-esteem from anything but motherhood). And remember - if you do work, you must not go out after work or on weekends for several years after Baby is born. It might be damaging to Baby. It does not matter if this is damaging to YOU. All must be sacrificed for Baby because you have committed the ultimate sin - you are a WORKING MOTHER.
4. IT ADVOCATES BREASTFEEDING TO THE POINT OF RIDICULOUSNESS. What about the mother who gives birth to a 10 pound baby and can't produce enough breastmilk? According to this book, there's no such thing. What about the mother who just doesn't like breastfeeding? Too bad - Baby's needs always come first. What about the mother whose baby is born premature and won't ever breastfeed? It's no excuse - Mom must spend an hour on the pump and THEN another half hour bottle-feeding the baby the breastmilk. Formula, of course, is EVIL.
4. IT TOUTS THE FAMILY BED. Family beds are dangerous. Small children can be crushed if parents roll over on them. Family beds also interfere with parental intimacy.
5. IT SAYS YOU CAN'T EVER LET BABY CRY. In particular, this book levies heavy criticism on Dr. Richard Ferber, author of "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems." Ferber's book is meticulously researched - far more than this dumb book - and the examples Ganju gives to insult Ferber are from parents who didn't use Ferber's method. Ganju's examples are of parents who let their babies cry all night. That is NOT what Ferber recommends. Newsflash: It's OK to help your baby learn to sleep.
In conclusion, the latest books on parenting are too extreme. A good parent is a Balanced Parent. Balanced Parents know when to let their babies cry and when not. Balanced Parents know when it's OK for a child to crawl into their bed and when the child needs to sleep alone. Balanced Parents know when they need a break and feel free to call a qualified caregiver. Balanced Parents know when breastfeeding is achievable and when it isn't. Balanced Parents know when to pick up Baby and when to separate. If you want a great book on Balanced Parenting...oops, sorry, I can't find one. Here's an unusual idea: use your common sense!
Rating: Summary: AP Rocks Review: Newsflash, if you're child never screams "I HATE YOU" you're doing something RIGHT!!! Babies ARE perfect little creatures, and do NOT "need to be civilized". I pity the children of the person who said that. I'm with Ahleemah all the way!!!! Ahleemah rocks! I wish I'd had a friend like her to introduce me to AP before my daughter was born so she wouldn't have had to live the first three months of her life without it.
Rating: Summary: Attachment Parenting Works!!! Review: I am the mother of 2 boys aged 6 years and 18 months. I started mothering by looking to the best experts I could find...MYSELF and my BABY!! It wasn't until my first son was 1 year that I stumbled upon the philosophy of attachment parenting. It was the first time that I realized that I wasn't alone in my parenting beliefs.
I have always looked to my babies to be my guide in parenting them. They each have their own distinct personalities and needs and through breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, and listening to my own instincts on what felt right, I have established a close connection with my boys.
Babis learn how to be and act in this world by looking to their parents as models. They mirror us. They learn respect by the feeling they get when they are parented with respect. They learn love by being loved. Empathy from empathetic parents.
Attachment parenting has NOTHING to do with letting your chidren "run-amok", never saying no, letting your kids "tell you what to do" and "spoiling",as some reviewers mistakingly think. It is about trusting in that inner voice that keeps you connected so that you know what drives your childrens behavior and then decide on the best guidance for YOUR children.
My 6 year old son, who was raised as an "attached" child, is one of the sweetest, empathetic children one could ever meet. He is incredibly out-going, loving and respectful. Confident in the adult world, and there isn't a day that goes by that a stranger tells me what a delightful child he is. I am profoundly proud of him and of the choices I have made in parenting him.
The benefits of attachment parenting show their colors with each passing year in the life of my children. Even my early critics of my mothering are telling me how amazed they are with my children.
LET THE BABY DRIVE by LU HANESSIAN is my all time favorite book on motherhood. Highly Recommended!!!!!
Rating: Summary: Put it in perspective! Review: I enjoyed this book and have used a modified form of attachment parenting for both of my girls. I have seen others parents take attachment parenting too far because they never stopped parenting their children as an infant. Cosleeping and breastfeeding are not producing the "brats" the other reviewers are complaining about. Inadequate parenting in general, in areas other than food or sleep, are much more likely causing such behaviors. Attachement parenting does not mean you refuse to use the word "No" after the child reaches a certain age. This is different for every family, but eventually, No must be said and a deaf ear to the tantrum will prevail. Parents who are failing to do this, are not ruining their child with attachment parenting. The people writing the reviews strongly against the principles in this book need to use a little basic skill I like to call critical thinking. Try reading "Our Babies, Ourselves" which is based on sound experience and research from an ethnopediatrician if your afraid cosleeping is somehow dangerous. Not all parents who use the attachment parenting method are overly permissive parents. Get a clue people.
Rating: Summary: "Attachment parenting" = spoiling them rotten Review: This ridiculous child-rearing philosophy can be summed up thusly: never leave the kids alone for a minute, even to go to the toilet, because separation from their parents might permanently sear their fragile little psyches.
Um, the whole point of having kids is to raise them to be self-sufficient adults. After all, when you die, you're going to leave them for good. You *do* want them to be able to go on living afterwards, don't you?
"Attachment parenting," from what I've seen of its results, produces overly anxious, whiny, and dependent children. And the virulent opposition to giving a kid who's acting up the mildest of slaps on the hand, I'm convinced, has been a contributing factor to the horde of screeching brats running amok in just about any public place I visit these days .... with their brain-dead parents standing by chanting, "Sierra, stop that, or I will give you a Time Out," to no avail.
"AP" seems to have the greatest resonance with the "crunchy granola" types who reject as much as they possibly can of modern, high-tech, capitalist society, and fetishize primitive Third-World existences as more "authentic." Funny, but has anyone else noticed that whenever those "authentic" peoples get enough scratch to build houses with multiple rooms, the children are put to sleep in a separate one? And I've never noticed "indigenous" parent getting all neurotic about delivering a well-deserved smack when it's needed.
Granju, in particular, seems to be one of the more intolerant "AP" propagandists out there. She runs a blog called "Loco Parentis," but she chooses not to enable comments, possibly because the idea of anyone contradicting her "wisdom" perturbs her.
Around last year's holidays, she blogged about a study purporting to find that giving your infant *even one bottle of formula* could harm him or her for life. I wrote her to challenge this, and she never responded...rather like the experiences of other Amazon reviewers who found her book lacking in one regard or the other. When I wrote her again to criticize her lack of response, she wrote back claiming to be "very, very busy" and that she gets lots of mail from readers (I'm sure). Well, that was a few days after New Year's, and I never heard back from her again.
I see that reviewer "Ahleemah Joy," a True Believer, writes that she regularly gives this book out at baby showers to "counteract the fearful misinformation of those who believe babies need to be controlled and manipulated into becoming human beings, instead of gently unfolded like precious creatures, with just the right amount of loving guidance."
Reminds me of fundamentalist Christians handing out Chick tracts and other pushy pamphlets. Those "precious creatures," Ahleemah, usually turn out to be the ones who make my trips to the grocery store, post office, or what-have-you sheer hell.
Get a clue, attachment "parents": Rousseau was wrong. Children are not perfect little packages from God or The Goddess or what have you, but little savages who need to be civilized. Anyone who thinks they're all "innocent and sweet" has never seen them playing with one another when they think adults aren't watching, particularly if they've got a scapegoat among them to torment.
Believe me: if your kid doesn't scream "I HATE YOU!" at least once during his or her younger years, you're doing something wrong.
Rating: Summary: Great feel-good pep talk; nothing original though Review: I really loved this book when I first read it. Indeed, if you plan to parent AP-style, the book is one long pep talk, which can make you feel good about your choices.
However, I became disillusioned when I realized that there are so many different ways to parent and no one style works for everybody. This book is extremely preachy and dogmatic, so even if you agree with it, you still have to take it with a grain of salt. And there's no useful information in it that isn't also found in other books, so--add it to your library if you want, but it shouldn't be the first or only book you buy. It's not a bad book; I just don't think it will help very much.
Rating: Summary: A revolutionary and yet ancient book! Review: Thank goodness there is someone out there that doesn't buy the fallacies enforced upon us by our Victorian-hang-over society that says touching is bad, sleeping with your child will turn them into a pervert, and that breasts are sexual objects and shouldn't be for feeding your child beyond 6 months.This is a wonderful book, I give it out regularly at baby showers to new moms to counteract the fearful misinformation of those who believe babies need to be controlled and manipulated into becoming human beings, instead of gently unfolded like precious creatures, with just the right amount of loving guidance. Co-sleeping advocates can find books with better research and references, clearly this book was not meant to be a complication of research, but it's a refreshing change from the infamous Crib industry-sponsored "study" (which managed to lump in drug using mothers passed out on their babies and calling that "co-sleeping") making the uneducated public up in arms about that issue. All in all, an easy read and a good beginning to point towards more varied and detailed books.
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