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Summary: I LOVED This Book!
Review: I came to the dialog of gender issues from a feminist perspective. I believed, after becoming the mother of two boys, that I pretty much understood gender issues as they related to boys...that is until my two and half year old wanted to buy purple boots. All of a sudden I found myself concerned (afraid!) of what other mothers and his peers would say (or think) about those purple boots. Without shaming him outloud, I subtly directed him toward the dark blue pair. I was totally amazed at my own fear of bending gender rules for a boy! I would have bought combat boots or any other kind of "boy" attire for a daughter but I could not bring myself to allow him to wear something others might find too "feminine". That was three years ago. After having read this book, I am now noticing all the other ways I have subtly or not-so-subtly directed him along a culturally acceptable gender path. And I consider myself to be a feminist. This book was my first exposure to the idea that I won't harm my boys by allowing them the freedom to express themselves, however that might look. This book was my first exposure to the idea that mothers don't harm their sons by loving them passionately and joyfully. I am so grateful for having read this book and I am going to buy it for at least 3 other mothers I know who are raising boys. This should be required reading for ALL parents of boys!!!
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Summary: Long overdue and wonderfully perceptive..
Review: I found this book in a baby goods resale shop in Chicago, where our oldest daughter works. We were shopping for a gift for our first grand child. Our youngest son and his precious wife are expecting in a few days. The title intrigued me and after I scanned it I knew I had to get it and see to it that all my 4 read it. I decided when I was having my sons that they were going to grow up knowing how to be husbands and fathers. I had grown up watching my father and brothers beat their chests and try to impress us with their "macho-ness" I wasn't impressed and determined I was going to find a man who was not afraid of his feelings. I managed to find one who was open enough to learn and have been married to him for nearly 40 yuears, and...we still like each other We have managed to raise two young men who are loving , caring, and whom I have an open and loving relationship with. They all still call from their various locations at least once a week and we gave them all video phones so we can all see each other. The neatest part is they are FRIENDS and they all like each other and communicate often. It can be done!! Thank you for bringing the subject to the attention of the multitude of young people who don't have a clue about raising a whole person. Our youngest said he realized a while ago that they are expecting a person, not just a baby. I feel so grateful to have understood my obligation as a woman and mother. This book should be required reading in any parenting class that is taught. Than you for writing the book and Blessings to you and your sweet son. The relationship between a mother and son can be as deliciously rewarding as it is with a daughter. I am purchasing a copy of it for all 4 of our progeny. They will perpetuate the "whole" man and woman.
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Summary: How we detach too soon from our sons, to our detriment.
Review: I have read many books in this field, and this is by far one of the best. It is about how in order to raise 'strong' and 'successful' men, we often do very damaging things to our little boys. The good news is that this is relatively easy to fix - just keep on loving them, with the open affection that we gave them when they were babies. The authors believe that mothers too are withdrawing from their sons, in the belief that too much contact makes them too feminine, but they strongly disagree with that, and think maternal contact makes them human and humane.
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Summary: Best book on raising emotionally healthy boys
Review: I was nervous about having a boy, having been raised in an all female family, but knowing a lot about boys from the boyfriend-girlfriend point of view. How could I raise my son so that he would grow up in touch with his own feelings but unafraid to be a man? This book offers a clear and convincing argument for change, and a pretty straightforward solution to the problem.
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Summary: I raised my son this way and it works!
Review: My son (now 16) is living proof that this book works! I read it when he was a toddler, and it completely and radically changed my entire outlook of how to raise a son. I found the concept incredibly profound, and it struck a chord deep within my being that resonates with my maternal instincts as well as my spiritual beliefs. This book has been the foundation of my parenting style. I have tried to apply the principles of treating my son as a person (who happens to be male) with feelings, fears, and the capacity to love. To add to our unique situation, he is homeschooled. `Macho'-minded people might think this is a recipe for a clingy "mama's boy" but such is not the case! He was definitely more bonded to me when he was little, and took a bit longer to become independent, but whenever I tried to push him, it backfired, whereas whenever I let him mature at his own pace, he always came thru just fine! My son has a very active social life, is a fiercely independent thinker, and is doing quite well with his girlfriends. He is not interested in organized sports, but then neither is my husband (a traditionally `macho' man who is a martial arts instructor), but he is plenty `masculine'. What is strikingly different about my son is his relationship with me. We have open communication in our family, and he shares his experiences with both myself and my husband. For example, he told me when he kissed a girl for the first time, and, even tho he has plenty of activities with his friends, he is not afraid to be seen in public with his parents. We even go to concerts together - last week he and I went to Metallica. His friends are all amazed that he does not have to sneak out or lie to his parents. He is making plans to go to college, but he knows that he will always have a home should he decide to return. I think he is ready to go out on his own because we have not pushed him to do so. Most gratifying is that he is able to have deep relationships with other people. He is not a `predator' like so many teenage boys who just want to see what they `can get' from girls. My friends who have sons have used the term `blown away' that my son actually talks to me. They truly do not have a clue about their sons' lives, not even on simple things like the music they listen to. My son and I share music, books, and philosophical discussions. He and his dad discuss history and politics. He spends a lot of time with his friends, whether in person or on the computer, but when he is with us, he considers us real people, not just `parents to escape from' like his friends think of their parents. We have made mistakes, of course, lots of them, but being close to our son was NOT one of them. Do not be afraid to follow the principles in this book - it just might save your son from a lifetime of emotional shutdown and deeply buried resentment. `The Courage to Raise Good Men' is the very best parenting book I have ever read, and I am so grateful to have found it. I owe everything to this book!
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Summary: An excellent case for allowing feminity in males.
Review: Silverstein presents facts and figures illustrating the damage done to, not only males but humanity in general, by the tendancy in our society and others to push boys toward activities designed to foster a sense of "male-ness" in them.
She recommends, instead, allowing males and females to find their own gender path. This, she contends, can have a humanizing effect on our society. She also gives case examples where reuniting men with their mothers, in other words, giving them permission to love and accept love from each other, freely, has had a curative effect, not only on those involved, but on the family as a whole.
I was so impressed with Silverstein's theories, I plan to design a college study around her work. I highly recommend this book to anyone interested in gender issues. It also serves as a strong counterpoint to the so called "men's movement."
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Summary: A must read for parents of boys
Review: Silverstein's work brilliantly and clearly describes how boy babies and children are pushed away from their mother's nurturing in order to make "real men" of them and out of fear that they will turn into "sissy boys". She shows how boys, then, are abandoned and isolated emotionally, and are left to grow up alone without relational and emotional support. This creates adult men who cannot connect emotionally, and who are reinforced by the culture to be distant. For every mother who has wanted to raise a son to be an emotionally available adult partner, and who is not afraid of raising that wonderful person called a "mama's boy", this book is a must read. I found it shortly after my son's birth and it did more to support my natural instincts that almost any other source.
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Summary: A must read for parents of boys
Review: Silverstein's work brilliantly and clearly describes how boy babies and children are pushed away from their mother's nurturing in order to make "real men" of them and out of fear that they will turn into "sissy boys". She shows how boys, then, are abandoned and isolated emotionally, and are left to grow up alone without relational and emotional support. This creates adult men who cannot connect emotionally, and who are reinforced by the culture to be distant. For every mother who has wanted to raise a son to be an emotionally available adult partner, and who is not afraid of raising that wonderful person called a "mama's boy", this book is a must read. I found it shortly after my son's birth and it did more to support my natural instincts that almost any other source.
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Summary: The content belies the title
Review: The author is indifferent regarding the development of masculine characteristics. The positive reviews seem to be from readers who sought the book because it reinforces their own predisposition to raising children androgenously. That does not make this a good book.
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Summary: this is the best book on how to raise boys I have read
Review: When I found out I was having a boy, I was distressed, given that I come from a family of all girls and had no experience with boys. I also don't find most men very appealing on a human level. I doubted my ability to have and maintain a close relationship with a boy-man and this was a matter of some sadness to me. This book exposed my expectations for what they were - socially induced, i.e. mothers shouldn't be too close to their male children, or they will emasculate them, etc. It is a brilliant book with many compelling examples and its arguments are wholly consistent with common sense and instinct. My husband read some of it and thought its hypothesis was obvious, but it is strikingly different in its prescriptions than any other book on raising boys that I have read. (For instance, the "Wonder of Boys," which says mothers have to leave their sons alone, let them be driven by testosterone into competitiveness, roughness, and machoism, and basically seems to take the attitude that mothers are responsible for most problems their boys have growing up. This is a positive, hopeful book, displaying warmth and compassion, and seems much more pyschologically sound. It should be required reading of all mothers, along with "Real Boys" of Pollock, which is its more recent successor.
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