Rating: 
Summary: This may provide structure at a chaotic time
Review: A five-star book (maybe I am easy to please!). Anyway, the book provides structured advice during the separation period and is rather upbeat in its presentation (but still realistic). I am now separated from my wife, and it all happened in a rather chaotic, unplanned, fragmented way. I bought this book and, after reading it, sent it to my wife so we would both be on the same page. It advises having a written separation agreement, but I wouldn't go that far -- yet I would like to follow its advice in making sure that both parties AGREE on the terms of the separation and on its LIMITED duration (after which there is either a true reconciliation) or an actual divorce. They can agree orally and don't have to do the written thing.
Rating: 
Summary: Controlled Separation--A Crock
Review: As my marriage failed and my mental health waxed and waned, I sought help of all sorts. I am through the dark tunnel and I can tell you what helped and what did not. This book did not help even one bit. The idea of a controlled separation is one that you yourself could come up with. It involves "getting some space to sort things out" and "setting down some groundrules" for that space. Try to save your marriage. Go to therapy. Eschew adultery, namecalling and other forms of abuse. Take care of your children. Don't buy this book.
Rating:
Summary: Controlled Separation--A Crock
Review: As my marriage failed and my mental health waxed and waned, I sought help of all sorts. I am through the dark tunnel and I can tell you what helped and what did not. This book did not help even one bit. The idea of a controlled separation is one that you yourself could come up with. It involves "getting some space to sort things out" and "setting down some groundrules" for that space. Try to save your marriage. Go to therapy. Eschew adultery, namecalling and other forms of abuse. Take care of your children. Don't buy this book.
Rating: 
Summary: Saved My Marriage
Review: For the simple reason that it gives a thumbs-up to adultery. Really. As part of the separation contract that couples draw up, if one spouse wants to "date" others, then, without negotiation, it is contracted that s/he be allowed to do so. No wonder so many of the marriages talked about in this book end up in divorce. Save your money
Rating: 
Summary: Not the Book to Get If You Want to Save Your Marriage
Review: For the simple reason that it gives a thumbs-up to adultery. Really. As part of the separation contract that couples draw up, if one spouse wants to "date" others, then, without negotiation, it is contracted that s/he be allowed to do so. No wonder so many of the marriages talked about in this book end up in divorce. Save your money
Rating:
Summary: Great 4 back-up plan
Review: I bought this book as if looking for permission to do what I thought I wanted to do. I ate it up, because it gives such clear directions--with thorough explanations of every term or idea with case studies & every-day real-life examples. It is so fair to both parties in a relationship that my husband--who had fought this trongly--was willing to accept it, discuss it (!!!), and even plan a date that was more financially feasible for this to work! Meanwhile I have a therapist who against all ethical rules of her profession, keeps interjecting her opinion & retracting it (one week she TELLS me to leave the guy, the next week she's ok that I didn't, adding to my confusion!), making my stuckness even worse. I'm stuck still, after reading this book, because my husband took me seriously when he saw this book on the coffee table every night, obviously well read, ear marked, highlighted, etc. LOL NOW he's listening, NOW he's paying attention & changing the harmful behaviors I could not live with. This book still sits there on the coffee table, the contract still sits on my computer hard drive where I saved "our" version & it is all ready to use at a moment's notice. This makes it easier to take one last look at the possibility of staying together. The sample contract is in the front of the book--the rest of the book explains how the contract works. Each couple can customize the contract specifically for their own issues--but the reason the rating is a 4 instead of a flat out 5 is that it does NOT include sample contracts for different situations, nor examples of how to fill out the contract specifically. Still, it gives enough information that couples could choose to do this easily without a therapist's guidance if desired, and in case that worked better for him & I to do this on our own (without my therapist making it worse with her own issues projected into ours). We're both discovering our dysfunctional family roots & the damage caused in our childhood from abuse, neglect, being forced to create false selves because our real one's weren't acceptable to our mentally sick parents. This journey is bringing us together in a healing way to change our self-defeating behaviors. I chose him because of a sick part of myself just as he chose me for his own sick reasons. Now we're rooting out those issues & have hope. It ALL started with THIS book, as we both knew if we split there would be no coming back. Good luck on your journey & if you too are stuck & can't decide because one day your SO is being great but most days suck, this book gives you the clear directions you need to get UN-stuck, however that may work out for YOU. And if a separation IS in the picture, this is the fairest version going to keep you (or create) advocates instead of adversaries.
Rating:
Summary: Recommended!
Review: I have read Ms. Raffel's book and have recommended it to several of my clients. They are finding it very helpful in coming to a decision about their marriages. Lee has made a substantial contribution to the field of marriage and family therapy. Congratulations. Arlie Albrecht
Rating:
Summary: An incredible read.
Review: I loved this book. I was so glad to find a book that deals with this difficult situation with such compassion. It also helps you transition any children into the separated state. Many of the books I have read on separating consider the parties involved mortal enemies without hope for an amicable parting. Ms. Raffel shows how to make a separation work for you and your relationship instead of against you. Whether you're the initiator or the one being left this book is helpful on all levels in that it helps you to see all sides of the situation. I highly reccomend this book to anyone in this unfortunate situation. It truly does give you hope and insight during a period that can feel so hopeless.
Rating:
Summary: Feeling stuck in the middle? This book is pure guidance.
Review: I searched for guidance and self-help books to help me with the agonizing decision of where I should turn when my husband & separated. Most books out there were 'how to make a better marriage' or 'how to cope with divorce'. There was nothing in the middle until I discovered this book. I read the book in one day and actually took a highlighter and highlighted the parts that hit home. I have a completely different outlook on what separation can do for a marriage. It doesn't necessarily mean the end to a relationship but possibly a new beginning.
Rating:
Summary: Feeling stuck in the middle? This book is pure guidance.
Review: I searched for guidance and self-help books to help me with the agonizing decision of where I should turn when my husband & separated. Most books out there were 'how to make a better marriage' or 'how to cope with divorce'. There was nothing in the middle until I discovered this book. I read the book in one day and actually took a highlighter and highlighted the parts that hit home. I have a completely different outlook on what separation can do for a marriage. It doesn't necessarily mean the end to a relationship but possibly a new beginning.
| 
