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Rating: 
Summary: Best book I've read on infertility!
Review: A wonderful book on infertility, written with courage and grace. This OB-GYN and her husband have shown that you can make it through the pain and heartache of infertility without ending up with "sour grapes". One thing I really appreciated was the way the book helped me to examine and understand all the emotions involved with infertility, and even why I wanted to have children in the first place. There is a good portion of the book devoted to the option of living childfree (the choice the authors have made). As a result, my husband and I know that if we choose to live childfree we do not need to feel guilty and are not less a part of the human race or child haters. Likewise, if we do adopt it will be because we truely want to raise that child (or children) and not use the child as a way to fix infertility or fill a void. At last, we are no longer "victims" of infertiliy! We are getting on with our life, and our identity is no longer bound on ! whether we have children or not. The authors have also included sorces/resources that have been helpful to them and I look forward to investigating them as well. I highly recommend this book to anyone going through infertility, their family, and to doctors and therapists that have infertle patients.
Rating: 
Summary: Reviews of this book by Jean AND Michael Carter include...
Review: From ALA Booklist (10.1/89)... A pwoerful book that offers hope to childless couples seeking to regain control of their lives."
From the American Society of Reproductive Medicine's Fertility News (December, 1989)... "Dr. Jean Carter, an obstetrician-gynecologist, and her husband an English professor, coauthored this book. Together they have pesonally wrestled with the many issues of infertility and have resolved to live "childfree." Their unique circumstances have enabled them to write a book that is both informative and entertaining. Few, if any books in this are deal with the issue of chidlessness and resolving fertility desires as well as this text. The authors' approach is best summarized in this quotation from Linda P Salzer, author of Infertility: How Couples Can Cope...'When you are chasing the dream of a baby, it is easy to forget that life has the potential for many other dreams and fulfillments.' Dr. and Mr. Carter review the pros and cons of accepting infertility and choosing childlessness as well as describe the many reasons why couples may or may not have difficulty in accepting this option.... This book is recommended for all couples who are nearing th end of their infertility options , or for those who are unsure whether to pursue infertility therapy at all."
From Provident Book Finder (March/April, 1990)..."An excellent resource for infertility counselors and thoes infertile couples who have become 'drifters' within the decision making process."
From RESOLVE's national newsletter (September, 1989)... This provocative book offers guidance on how to end the infertility crisis and to reinvigorate life by making positive choices....The book presents clear models for decision-making; for rediscovering and ordering priorities, which often become obscured during the infertiliyt years, and for investing in the decision to stop being infertile, whether that decision is one to lead a childfree life or to build an adoptive family...SG is a major contribution to the dialogue on infertility resolution. It demystifies and legitimzes the childgree alternative and offers a fresh perspetive on life after infertility... The good life the authors obviously hae forged, even enhanced, through experiencing infertility seems proof that the fabled grapes indeed may be sweet, even if one is unable to reach the longed-for fruit: a biological family."
Rating:
Summary: Very helpful, calming and a quick read
Review: I found this book extremely helpful after our 4 failed IVF attempts along with 2 miscarriages. It helped me get out of the hole that I had dug for my husband and myself and get on with life! I felt immeasurably relieved after reading it.
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Summary: A light at the end of the tunnel...
Review: Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! An amazing book to help you survive infertility. After 7 IVF's, several miscarriages and a medical conclusion that what felt impossible, was impossible, this book changed my life. After reading it, I felt as though there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I took control of my life and realized that I could have a rewarding, happy life...I just needed to make the active choice to BE HAPPY! If you feel "stuck", read this book...it will change your perspective on life!
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Summary: Highly recommended resource for infertile couples
Review: This book is one of the few books I have found that focuses on the absolutely wonderful options open to couples who have battled infertility. It has helped me tremendously--now I have some tools to help me rebuild my life away from the ever-present goal of making a baby. The book deals honestly with the intense pain of infertility, then embraces the life choice of living without children in a very open and empowering way. The authors have really filled a void--I applaud their self-actualized lifestyle and hope to achieve it again myself.
Rating: 
Summary: An excellent book on childlessness and infertility
Review: This book is surprisingly helpful, supportive, optimistic and is written for both men and women. I am a 40-year-old woman who doesn't have children because of illness. This book is applicable to unwanted childlessness from all causes--not just infertility. An alternate title could be "Sweet Grapes: How to Stop Feeling Miserable About Not Having Children and Start Living Again." With some effort, the whole book can be generalized from the specific case of infertility to childlessness for other reasons. The authors make the case that a person who is not fertile can actively choose either infertility or childfree living. Their unusual definitions of childfree versus infertile and childless actually made sense after I read their detailed explanations. They write, "It is choice that makes the difference between voluntary and involuntary childlessness. Childfree means turning involuntary childlessness into voluntary childlessness. And we would rather live our lives in the achievement of a major life goal than in the constant reminder of the frustration of one." Childfree does not mean disliking children. This book does a good job of explaining exactly what childfree living is and how it has worked for them. Luckily, they are not pushing this option on readers.
Key points are:
1. Happiness after infertility is much more likely if one makes active choices about how to spend the rest of one's life than if one drifts.
2. Every loss such as infertility or childlessness also contains the potential for gain and personal growth.
3. Building effective communication skills between partners is important.
4. Decision-making processes and skills can be learned. Decisions addressed are how much infertility treatment to undergo, how to spend the rest of one's life if biological children are not possible and whether to live childfree.
Be sure to read the revised 1998 edition because it includes an Epilogue. Bibliography but no index included. I highly recommend Linda Hunt Anton's 1992 "Never To Be A Mother: A Guide For All Women Who Didn't--Or Couldn't--Have Children." Written by an infertile, childless, social-worker-therapist, it is the best self-help book I've found on dealing with emotional aspects of childlessness. Readers benefit from her non-threatening writing style, professional training and years of experience in infertility and childlessness counseling.
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Summary: Essential Reading for Infertile Couples
Review: This book, along with "Adopting After Infertility" are two of the most helpful books my husband and I have read on infertility. We're undergoing our third and last IVF in the fall, so we're getting ready to close the door on the possibility of a child who is biologically ours. We credit both of these books for helping to keep us emotionally grounded during the process -- there IS life after infertility! The Carters have written a warm, honest, personal, heartfelt and non-judgmental book. They acknowledge that Childfree is not for everyone, but openly share how it has worked for them and the decision process they employed to get there. The tone of the book is never pushy or self-righteous, which sadly cannot be said of all infertility books and forums. We still have not decided whether or not adoption is for us, but we feel better equiped to make that decision thanks to both of these books.
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Summary: A Positive Spin on Bad Luck
Review: This is a comforting, positive book for those struggling with infertility. It is often Pollyanna-ish -- the authors suggest "helping" careers such as social work and teaching, pets, gardening and hobbies as substitutes for having children. These can be rewarding things, but having and raising children is another thing altogether, for which there are no substitutes. They fail to address some of the really difficult, resentment inducing reasons why people couldn't try to have children until it was too late. While the authors seem to assume that all parents and in-laws want grandchildren, my husband and I were hesitant because we grew up in hellish families, and both of our families -- and especially his, who disapproved of our interfaith marriage -- discouraged us from having children. They don't address the common scenario of husbands wanting to put off and put off having children until the wives are too old, and so the infertility heartbreak begins. They made their childfree decision in their early thirties -- which seems ludicrously early to give up hope. I don't buy their recommendation that it's bad to "drift" -- leave things up to fate. They started using birth control again, instead of leaving it to chance that they might be blessed with a late, surprise baby. I know one couple who did the fertility treatment route, resigned themselves fairly happily to childlessness, and then the wife got accidentally pregnant at 45, and they are the happiest parents in the world. This book presents rules that worked for the authors, but may not work for everyone. I thought I embraced "childfree" in my late thirties, after fertility treatments dramatically worsened a chronic illness, which brought additional money worries into the picture. For four years, a creative life served as a fulfilling substitute for the family I didn't have. But then, with improving health and different finances, I got the urge to try again. The "substitute" wasn't enough anymore. What was an acceptable solution for four years doesn't cover the next forty that I will probably live. So the decision making they recommend doesn't always work -- the heart has its own logic. As they point out -- the fertility industry offers a lot more options that can prolong the agony, or offer hope. The conclusion this book brought to me was that -- if I really want to be a parent, I should pursue adoption. If you are so caught up in only parenting your own genetic material, then it's more about your ego than wanting to raise a family. These authors have a very close marriage, and happy, fulfilling careers. Not everyone is so lucky to have that fill the void of childlessness. All through this book I kept reading their arguments and saying, But, but, but -- as they oversimplified a complex situation that is subject to each person's experience. However, by the end the good-heartedness of the authors won me over. I can't agree that all their recommendations will lead to resolution, however. Life is never fully resolved. I chose childlessness in the way they recommended, and lived to regret it. If you choose childlessness, it CAN come back to haunt you, there are no absolutes in life. Some things you never get over.
Rating:
Summary: A Positive Spin on Bad Luck
Review: This is a comforting, positive book for those struggling with infertility. It is often Pollyanna-ish -- the authors suggest "helping" careers such as social work and teaching, pets, gardening and hobbies as substitutes for having children. These can be rewarding things, but having and raising children is another thing altogether, for which there are no substitutes. They fail to address some of the really difficult, resentment inducing reasons why people couldn't try to have children until it was too late. While the authors seem to assume that all parents and in-laws want grandchildren, my husband and I were hesitant because we grew up in hellish families, and both of our families -- and especially his, who disapproved of our interfaith marriage -- discouraged us from having children. They don't address the common scenario of husbands wanting to put off and put off having children until the wives are too old, and so the infertility heartbreak begins. They made their childfree decision in their early thirties -- which seems ludicrously early to give up hope. I don't buy their recommendation that it's bad to "drift" -- leave things up to fate. They started using birth control again, instead of leaving it to chance that they might be blessed with a late, surprise baby. I know one couple who did the fertility treatment route, resigned themselves fairly happily to childlessness, and then the wife got accidentally pregnant at 45, and they are the happiest parents in the world. This book presents rules that worked for the authors, but may not work for everyone. I thought I embraced "childfree" in my late thirties, after fertility treatments dramatically worsened a chronic illness, which brought additional money worries into the picture. For four years, a creative life served as a fulfilling substitute for the family I didn't have. But then, with improving health and different finances, I got the urge to try again. The "substitute" wasn't enough anymore. What was an acceptable solution for four years doesn't cover the next forty that I will probably live. So the decision making they recommend doesn't always work -- the heart has its own logic. As they point out -- the fertility industry offers a lot more options that can prolong the agony, or offer hope. The conclusion this book brought to me was that -- if I really want to be a parent, I should pursue adoption. If you are so caught up in only parenting your own genetic material, then it's more about your ego than wanting to raise a family. These authors have a very close marriage, and happy, fulfilling careers. Not everyone is so lucky to have that fill the void of childlessness. All through this book I kept reading their arguments and saying, But, but, but -- as they oversimplified a complex situation that is subject to each person's experience. However, by the end the good-heartedness of the authors won me over. I can't agree that all their recommendations will lead to resolution, however. Life is never fully resolved. I chose childlessness in the way they recommended, and lived to regret it. If you choose childlessness, it CAN come back to haunt you, there are no absolutes in life. Some things you never get over.
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