Rating: 
Summary: A Lives Saver
Review: The first and best book I found to help guide me through my wifes journey from abuse victim to survivor. Frank, honest & brief, Mr. Graber unviels many of the mysteries that partners of abuse survivors experience. This book helped me determine my role in this journey. I read this book many times, and reread specific sections when faced with things I did not understand. While this book is not in any way spiritually based, I must say God Bless Mr. Graber.
Rating:
Summary: EXCELLENT FIRST BOOK FOR THE PARTNER AND THE SURVIVOR.
Review: There are other good books out there for couples dealing with the afteraffects of childhood sexual abuse, but I recommend reading this book first. It's a quick read and packed full of information. The author gives a quick overview of what lies ahead for the couple, what to expect and how to handle the survivor's changing behavior, the importance of us as partners to look inside ourselves for our own issues and areas for improvement, skills for good communication, suggestions on resolving conflict, coping and overcoming difficult situations, etc. Also good for a survivor to read. It helped my partner and I understand each other more clearly. It gave me hope to "hang in there" with my partner and know that with time, and both of us working together, we have a good future ahead of us free from the afteraffects of past abuse. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!
Rating: 
Summary: Dependency R Us
Review: There's a lot of good material in this book, but the overriding theme gets old- that if you are involved with an abuse survivor, you must be screwed up yourself with some sort of dependency "disorder." Co-dependent, Primary dependencies, secondary dependencies- they are all here. A far better book is "Allies in Healing."
Rating:
Summary: Start with this one
Review: This book does a FAR better job of addressing the needs and concerns of partners than Allies in Healing (the book recommended by our marriage counselor, and by most others). The two most appealing features of THIS book were Graber's directness about the need for the partner to examine their own role (positive and negative) in the relationship, and about the potential for harmful "replay" behavior inside and outside the relationship.As another reviewer griped, Graber does devote pages to codependency, and the 12-step culture from which it came. It is NOT the focus of the book, and the reader can benefit from this book while remaining skeptical about this "condition". More bothersome is his presentation of extramarital relationships (for both) as a possible interim solution. The greatest value is Graber's experience as a partner, enhanced by his training as a therapist (Allies in Healing is written by a survivor, and reflects that perspective). This is the book for partners to read first, and is an important counter to the survivor-centric thinking that invades a partner's life.
Rating:
Summary: Fantastic
Review: This is a fantastic book for couples where one has been through abuse. I rate this book very high. Easy to read and to understand. Excellent resource.
Also let me recommend for those abused: Nightmares Echo, Beauty For Ashes and Lost Boy.
Rating: 
Summary: Hard to say...best for partner of survivor committed to heal
Review: Who am I to judge - I have only my own experience. Probably not a bad beginner's book for those who's partner is committed to change. In my own case, my spouse abused me for years and had no intention of healing herself. Rather, her choice was acting out against me and refusing to deal with the problem. The entire family rallied around the pedophile and out of extreme loneliness and confusion I was looking for solace and understanding in literature, I guess. I could not understand why she was treating me so cruelly. This book did verify some common themes that I had come to understand on my own and through talks with counsellors. The book is more for the person who doesn't know much at all - there really isn't much here and it is a quick read. It's all about control; she doesn't trust you; you're obviously sick too because you married a whack-o; learn good communication skills... My case had many manifestations I didn't see discussed, but on the other hand there were some apparantly common manifestations I didn't have at all (like nymphomania - oh what a terrible problem!). It's a 12-step support program approach in the back end of the book. In sum, this is not a book for the partner of a "survivor" who refuses to heal and get on with life. Such a book would focus more on getting you what you need as a secondary victim of the abuse you suffer: Hey buddy you know why you feel so bad? Because she WANTS you to feel bad. It took YEARS to develop these baffling passive-aggressive skills, and when she's got you squirming in her pincers she's in CONTROL. You're her ENEMY and any attempt to talk about the subject will be met with rage, denial, evasion, tears, and all the other tricks in her toolkit. You're a helpless boob taking on a master craftsman, Charlie. If you are the lucky man who's spouse is willing to SOLVE a problem, this is a beginner's guide for you.
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