Description:
The parent battle cry of this book's title says it all: What Did I Just Say!?! offers solace and suggestions for hair-pulling parents who are not getting cooperation, respect, or acceptable behavior from their young children. Drawing upon years of clinical experience, psychiatrist Denis Donovan and child therapist Deborah McIntyre explore miscommunication as the reason why good kids continue to behave in ways opposite to what parents ask. As the authors explain, "Parents have a tendency to say things very different from what they really mean. And kids have logical antennas, tuning in to what adults say literally and logically." This problem leads to a two-step solution. First, parents must learn to say what they mean, and then they can understand how the inner world of their child's experience and thinking is different from that of adults. Parents will chuckle and cringe with recognition as Donovan and McIntrye examine ineffective parent perennials such as "How many times do I have to tell you to behave?" They use these statements of frustration as lesson plans for teaching parents how they fail to convey what they really want--and how they can clearly state what they mean. More important, the authors invite parents to listen with a child's ear to gain insight about why the answer, "I give up, how many times do you have to tell me to behave?" is a logical rather than disrespectful answer. The authors spotlight a variety of behavioral strategies including how to capture a child's attention and understand their "attentional style," avoid tuning out and serial forgetting, set boundaries and cope with sadness and anger. Several chapters detail a communication technique for focused one-to-one conversations called "The Five Minutes". Occasionally, Donovan and McIntrye offer general descriptions rather than hands-on suggestions. But overall, they convince readers that parents who learn to say what they mean and understand children on their own terms, will not have to issue multiple commands to put on pajamas tonight. --Barbara Mackoff
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