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Rating: 
Summary: elegant, readable - and superficial
Review: I have specialized in providing professional education and therapy to stepfamilies since 1981. I have researched stepfamilies professionally since 1979, an habe been a stepgrandson, stepson, and ex-stepfather and stepbrother. I am an invited Board member of the Stepfamily Association of America, a contributing editor to 'Your Stepfamily Online,' and the author of six books on high-nurturance relationships and stepfamilies.
I do recommend 'Blending Families' to readers seeking an interesting, well-read, easy-to-read introduction to stepfamily dynamics and concerns. I not recommend this book to any student, co-parent, or family professional seeking to learn the real stressors in stepfamilies and what to do about them.
Structurally, this book is well organized, clear, has many illustrative quotes, is upbeat in tone, and very reader-friendly. However, the book omits explanation and illustration of five core hazards that typical stepfamilies face:
1) co-parents' (unseen) psychological wounds from low-nurturance childhoods, and what they mean;
2) blocked grief in adults and kids, what it means, and how to reduce it;
3) co-parent unawareness of five key topics: (a) human personality formation and function, (b) high-nurturance families and relationships, (c) effective communication skills, (d) healthy 3-level grief, and (e) stepfamily realities and norms.
4) needy, love-struck unaware partners choosing the wrong people to re/wed, for the wrong reasons, at the wrong time; and...
5) little effective stepfamily help (courtship coaching, classes, informed counseling, co-parent support groups) available in most communities and the media (TV, books, radio, print publications, Web sites).
In my experience, these five hazards combine to prevent typical stepfamily adults from following practical, heartfelt advice such as offered in this and similar books.
For more perspective on this review, see:
http://sfhelp.org/11/choose_bks.htm
Rating:
Summary: elegant, readable, and superficial
Review: I have studied divorced-family and stepfamily relationships professionally since 1979, and have provided over 17,000 hours of therapy to well over 500 divorcing, courting, and re/married couples since 1981. I've studied and taught effective communication skills for over 35 years, and worked to recover from childhood trauma and neglect for 17 years. I've been re/married (and a stepfather of two girls) and re/divorced, been an adult stepson and stepbrother, serve on the Board of the Stepfamily Association of America, and have written six books on family relationships - including three on stepfamily courtship, remarriage, and co-parental teamwork. The "/" notes that it may be one partner's first union.Structurally, "Blending families" is well organized, clear, has many illustrative quotes, is upbeat in tone, and very reader-friendly. However, the book's content omits much vital information, which significantly reduces its practical value. Author Elaine Fantle apparently has not experienced personal divorce, or being a stepfamily co-parent. She offers clear, reasonable opinions on how co-parents should avoid and react to common stepfamily stressors On pp. 199+, her "Twelve Secrets for Successful Stepparenting" (vs. Co-parenting) include "Communicate," "Be flexible... Patient... and Yourself (genuine)", "Respect Others," "Be Honest," and "Learn to Compromise." Like the high majority of other stepfamily authors, Fantle doesn't explore why *why* millions of American co-parents cannot follow her well-meant advice. I have focused on understanding this paradox since 1979, and conclude that co-parents' psychological wounds and unawareness are the principle blocks. Fantle is a well-read stepgrandmother and accomplished author. Her diligent research and 106 live and email interviews resulted in ignoring or minimizing essentials like these - primarily because typical lay people and most stepfamily "experts" have not studied them: 1) the five core hazards that all US stepfamily couples face, and the 11 fundamental problems these cause; 2) the need for all family co-parents (stepparents, bioparents, and other kin) to asses for psychological wounds from childhood neglect, and (3) how to heal them. My experience suggests this -plus ignorance and ineffective thinking and communicating - are the keystone stressors in most troubled families of any sort; And Fantle's book omits advising...
4) courting and re/married co-parents to assess for ignorance on basics in human communication, grieving, relationships, and effective child-care. Typical couples and their supporters don't know what they don't know, and need to learn. Another major omission is about... 5) the necessity of (a) co-parents accepting their stepfamily identity and (b) learning what it *means* - ideally in courtship. Not doing this risks co-parents trying to manage their complex, alien stepfamily roles and relationships from up to ~60 unrealistic or toxic marital and parenting expectations. And "Blending families" doesn't identify... 6) Why co-parents need to be able to (a) form and live from a healthy-grief policy for their homes and stefamily, and (b) assess for and free up blocked grief - which I find is very common in troubled families. And the book doesn't refer to or identify... 7) the ~60 normal and special needs that typical stepkids have, and (8) practical ideas on overcoming nine common barriers to forming a nurturing team that includes living ex mates ("the other parent"). And the (sparse) book index has no entries for ... 9) values, loyalty (inclusion/exclusion), stepfamily identity, and stepfamily membership conflicts, and relationship triangles. These are inevitable, divisive, and resolvable - *if* (a) co-parents are aware of them, and (b) can use seven core communication skills effectively as mutually-respectful teammates. Typical co-parents aren't and can't, and this book leaves them unaware and unprepared for these five inescapable major marital and family stressors. 10) This book misses the chance to emphasize the vital need for courting partners to learn and apply four sets of basic information in order to make three informed, wise re/marital choices for themselves and minor kids and grandkids: committing to (a) the right people (co-parents, kids, and kin), (b) at the right time, for (c) the right reasons. Most estimates suggest that over half of US stepfamily mates fail to do this. In short, "Blending families" is heartfelt, written elegantly from diligent research, and is largely superficial. Like most others in its genre (I have read over 50, since 1979), this book does not dig down below typical *surface* stepfamily role and relationship problems to help readers recognize and resolve the hidden problems that cause them. For more perspective, see my nonprofit educational Web site at http://www.sfhelp.org. My books on Ms. Fantle's topic include: 1) "Stepfamily Courtship - make Three Right Re/marital Choices;" 2) "Build a High-Nurturance Stepfamily," and, 3) "Build an Effective Co-parenting Team after Divorce and Re/marriage" They are published by Xlibris Corp., Philadelphia, PA (www.xlibris.com) For the reasons above, I do not recommend this book to any student, co-parent, or family professional seriously interested in building satisfying, high-nurturance divorced-family and stepfamily relationships.
Rating: 
Summary: A book you need...
Review: This book calls itself an "easy-to-read, problem-solving guide," and that's pretty accurate. Written by a stepgrandmother with a refreshing and mature approach, this book focuses on solutions, not excuses. The advice is straightforward and free of hard to understand theory. There are quotes from stepparents throughout the text that illustrate the subjects well. Early in the book, the author discusses communication in a stepfamily. She gives valuable advice for all relationships, active listening skills, and details on holding a family meeting. She also focuses on the marriage partnership. "Your spouse comes first," she says, and then offers ways to protect and nurture the marriage. You'll enjoy the "Myths and Misses" chapter where the author discusses common misconceptions stepparents have. There is also help with handing the blended money as well as building and blending family traditions. The chapter on discipline is excellent, with thorough and specific guidelines and a reminder on how to interpret and understand a child's behavior. There's help on getting along with a former spouse and a full chapter devoted to stepgrandparenting. The most helpful portion of the book may be the discussion on stress -- how to recognize, manage and reduce it. The "twelve ways to trip with steps" make it easy to understand, and then prevent, the little things that can add up to the big fallout. The author concludes with "Twelve Secrets for Successful Stepparenting," and while they seem simple, they are the valuable basics for building a happy new family.
Rating:
Summary: A book you need...
Review: This book calls itself an "easy-to-read, problem-solving guide," and that's pretty accurate. Written by a stepgrandmother with a refreshing and mature approach, this book focuses on solutions, not excuses. The advice is straightforward and free of hard to understand theory. There are quotes from stepparents throughout the text that illustrate the subjects well. Early in the book, the author discusses communication in a stepfamily. She gives valuable advice for all relationships, active listening skills, and details on holding a family meeting. She also focuses on the marriage partnership. "Your spouse comes first," she says, and then offers ways to protect and nurture the marriage. You'll enjoy the "Myths and Misses" chapter where the author discusses common misconceptions stepparents have. There is also help with handing the blended money as well as building and blending family traditions. The chapter on discipline is excellent, with thorough and specific guidelines and a reminder on how to interpret and understand a child's behavior. There's help on getting along with a former spouse and a full chapter devoted to stepgrandparenting. The most helpful portion of the book may be the discussion on stress -- how to recognize, manage and reduce it. The "twelve ways to trip with steps" make it easy to understand, and then prevent, the little things that can add up to the big fallout. The author concludes with "Twelve Secrets for Successful Stepparenting," and while they seem simple, they are the valuable basics for building a happy new family.
Rating:
Summary: Answers to questions that stepparents have.
Review: This is a great resource for anyone starting a stepfamily. It considers many issues that may not be thought of until it is too late. This book covers issues such as communcation, discipline, religion, and many other topics. It will help new stepparents effectively deal with their new role as parent. A must read if you are in this new role.
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