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Summary: Holding your child is always good..
Review: ..
Holding your child is a wonderful, nurturing, and yes, even a healing act. It's something that parents do naturally. Dr. Welch's "holding therapy" however, is not some extraordinary cure, or even little more than a hyped up program based on disproved theories such as the work of the Tinbergens and Bruno Bettelheim. Theories, which claim that autism is caused by the parents, by a lack of "bonding." These outrageous and extremely detrimental claims have since been disproved.
While actually doing the "holdings" with your child I really do not believe to be detrimental, please also try some other more active approaches. Learn about you child. Try "The Me Book" by Dr. Lovaas, or "Handbook for Treatment of Attachment-Trauma Problems in Children" by Beverly James. And continue to hold your child, but please at least search for some substantial proof of success before you decide to join the "God Bless Dr. Welch" cult.
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Summary: Real benefits, real risks
Review: > I have mixed opinions of this book, because it gives readers a tool which can be highly beneficial, or potentially very damaging, depending on circumstances. And it doesn't tell readers how to judge whether it's likely to be beneficial or damaging to them.
> I've studied Dr. Welch's system of attachment therapy (which includes holdings among various family members) -- as well as other systems of attachment therapy -- because of my interest in the effect of attachment disorders, and attachment therapy, on the brain. I've seen many Welch holdings.
> In a large majority of cases, I've seen (and family members have confirmed) moderate to "miraculous" positive results. However, I've also seen a few cases with minimal positive results, mixed results, or negative results.
> The minimal positive results I've observed occurred in cases where a mother read Dr. Welch's book and did holdings without a therapist's guidance. In their holdings, these mothers appeared to fall into the same patterns of relating to their children that they used day-to-day -- ways of relating that weren't working well. In other words, with no therapist to guide them into different ways of relating to their children, these moms were "stuck in the same old rut" whether holding or not.
> I've seen negative results in cases where the mother had been traumatized (by physical abuse, for just one example) in a situation where she herself had been physically restrained in some way. Even in cases where the mother was aware of the traumatizing incident(s) and had worked on the resulting issues in therapy, physically holding her own child could trigger a physiological state of alarm/distress. I particularly want to emphasize that some mothers could experience this physiological distress, perhaps with trauma-generated feelings such as fear, horror, or shame, without being aware of trauma in their past or having specific trauma memories come up.
> In these cases, the child's nervous system picks up the mother's physiological alarm/distress and the child feels unsafe in the holding. Mother and child can't reach a good "resolution". The child can easily be conditioned to fear, resent, and avoid close physical and emotional contact with the mother. In my opinion, holding in these situations can be severely damaging.
> I'm aware of one case in which a mother with a history of both physical and sexual abuse did holdings with a child with mixed results when the holdings occurred in a therapeutic setting with support from both a well-trained, experienced therapist and the mother's husband; and with highly negative results when the mother did holdings alone at home.
> Please note that I don't mean to say that all mothers who get mixed or negative results from holding have been physically or sexually abused; or that a mother with trauma in her past can't do holdings with good results. I'm simply giving examples of what I've observed.
> In another case, a therapist made a serious error in telling the parents that the father (as well as the mother) could do holdings with an insecurely attached young child. The child's experience was that the father was depriving the child of the mother, and the result of (just one) holding was that the child became severely dostrstful and avoidant toward the father.
> I have also seen mixed and negative results of holdings when parents were guided in a holding by a therapist who had inadequate training or experience, or unresolved attachment or abuse issues of his/her own.
> Welch holdings are powerful medicine. For some families Welch holdings are appropriate and helpful and even miraculous. For some families, because of circumstances beyond family members' control, Welch holdings can be powerful bad medicine -- at least until the issues that lead to negative or mixed results can be fully resolved. To both advocates and opponents of Welch holdings, I say there are many paths to healing and healthy relationships; let's look for the paths that fit our needs, capabilities, and circumstances -- without judging others for whom different paths may be more appropriate.
> As a rule of thumb, I'd say that if you read Dr. Welch's book and your reaction is fear or horror, Welch holdings aren't a good approach for you to use; and if you try them, you may well get mixed or negative results. If you read the book and your gut reaction is positive, Welch holdings are likely to work very well for you. If you read the book and your reaction is mixed, perhaps it would be best to look for a different approach; or modify the holdings in ways that make you feel quite all right about doing them; or perhaps look for a therapist to work with who is well trained and experienced in Welch holdings.
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Summary: Holding Time Changed My Relationships
Review: After reading Holding Time I began to think about my relationship to my parents in a way that I hadn't before. Your book also gave me ideas for changing some aspects of my relationship with my boyfriend. Holding time gave me some ideas about techniques we could use to improve our communication in the aras that concern us (and in the areas that aren't troubling, too). We have done holding time with very positvie results. So, I thank Holding Time for changing my relationships for the better. I recommend it to anyone having problems with their parents or significant other.
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Summary: How to abuse your autistic child ...
Review: Apparently this method was originally designed for autistic children. Not only is the purported justification of this - that autism stems from a failure in mother-child bonding - one which has been scientifically discredited since the sixties, but for many autistic people (who often have tactile hypersensitivity that makes physical contact uncomfortable if not painful) the forced holding advocated here is nothing short of torture: a form of "sensory rape". All forced holding can teach ANY child is that someone on whom you are completely dependent is prepared to ignore your screaming and struggling and physically overpower you. And then call it love.
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Summary: A valuable tool to deepen the mother-child relationship.
Review: As a practicing psychiatrist I have had the opportunity to use this method in a wide variety of clinical presentations, including children with obsessive/compulsive disorder, attention deficit disorder, conduct disorder, depression, severe anxiety disorders, phobias and various acting-out behaviors including fire-setting. In all cases where the mother was willing to hang in there and use this therapy I have seen very significant results. This includes some cases where the child had been in a multitude of therapies for several years in which they were continuing to deteriorate prior to using holding time. When the mother is able to participate in an honest and emotional manner, the child does not feel they are being held against their will but are engaging in deep and moving emotional contact with someone they love and want to feel close to. In fact, the major problem I have found is the resistances encountered on the part of the mother who has a poor tolerance for aggression and intense affect, whether it is coming from the child or repressed within themselves. This frequently comes out as the defense of wanting to protect the child from feeling such painful feelings that can come out in a holding time session. Unfortunately, this defense is shortsighted, as it allows the disappointments, fears and resentmentss to build up, and, not being discharged and let go, end up creating those neurotic character traits that we mental health professionals see every day in our treatment of adults. Hopefully this book will be a step forward to create the world where adults have grown up to be comfortable with their feelings, not needing to hide them. It's as simple as that.
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Summary: Why is suffering "therapy"?
Review: At least one high-functioning autistic person who was subjected to "holding therapy" as a child has said that "the suffering was terrible and it achieved nothing" and described being "shocked into a state of terrified quietness". Given all the effort we put into teaching children to say "no" and resist when someone tries to touch them in ways that frighten them or that they don't like, I wonder precisely what "holding therapy" teaches them?
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Summary: I spread the word about your book!
Review: First let me say a huge THANK YOU, your book has been the main ingredient in our daughter forming an attachment with us. I spread the word about your book and work every chance I get, and not just in adoption circles.
We had been home a little less than two months from adopting a girl in Russia when I sought helpful info and found your book. I must say that the first chapters where you state your premise made so much sense to me that I did a version of the holding to calm a rage the next day....the book didn't arrive for a few days. After reading the book I fine tuned the process (and still refresh myself from time to time) but even with some mistakes, that first resolution brought on such relief for both of us that my husband noticed the difference when he got home that day...and I hadn't told him anything about it.
At first I used holding to get through the rages. That lasted a little more than a week, then I did them prophylactically, daily for about 2 weeks. Then a few times a week, then weekly then finally only when I detected her dis-connection to us. June will be the two year anniversary of our adoption and Regina has only needed holding twice since Christmas.
While I am often stressed out and angry when we need to do a holding, I'm not angry once we start, the whole process gives me back the parental role and "control" and allows me to be loving. Once we achieve resolution we have great long gazes and she reacts EXACTLY as you described in your book. And now we work hard on some "lite" face time each day.
Again, sincere thanks for your book...every time I see my daughter with a happy content connected look on her face I have you to thank.
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Summary: Holding healed not only my wounds, but my whole family.
Review: For parents who have felt alone, depressed, angry, abandoned, or in despair, Holding could be the solution. As an adoptive mother of a hyperactive child who suffered from disrupted attachment, this therapy saved my sanity and gave me hope for the future. It taught me the power of unconditional love. Holding is hard work, as it confronts not only our children's pain, but the pain of our own long-forgotten childhoods. It forces us to look at the past in relation to the present in order to break the pattern of our own mother's mothering. Holding is not child abuse when the mother is honestly responding to her child's emotions. It can be percieved in a negative context because it awakens our own memories of verbal and physical abuse. For most Americans growing up in the 50's and 60's the motto was "Go to your room and don't come back until you can behave." or "If you don't stop crying I'll give you something to really cry about." These responses reinforce the belief that we must be bad if we have angry feelings. Holding teaches parents to listen to what their children are saying by providing a safe place for positive and negative feelings to be expressed by both mother and child. I sought Holding as a desperate attempt to regulate my traumatized child. What I discovered was that it not only changed my daughter dramatically, but it cured my depression, taught my husband to express feelings, and even softened my denial-stricken parents. But like anything else worth striving for in life, it takes courage and perseverence in order to change. Like dieting, you can't expect to lose 30 lbs. after one work-out.
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Summary: The amazing breakthrough in raising children!
Review: Have you ever been hurt by someone you love? Have you ever turned your back and walked out, slamming the door and shouting "Leave me alone!" while secretly hoping your loved one would come after you to reassure you that you're loved, that you're not alone? Do you remember what it felt like when they never came? Do you remember the loneliness, the disappointment, the humiliation you felt? Such experiences are toxic and the more so the earlier in life we have them. What are we doing to our children by sending them away when we can't handle their feelings? "Go to your room and don't come out 'til you're willing to behave yourself!" We punish by withholding our love, and the children we raise become fearful, insecure, and clinging, prone to drug addiction and vulnerable to peer pressure.
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In order for the child to overcome these fears, he will usually have to be held against some initial resistance. He may react with anger to the fear of helplessness which the holding will bring up. Expressing such feelings while being held in a close and loving embrace allows the child to integrate them. Allowing himself to feel helpless and to accept the safety and protection of his mother's embrace fosters a sense of basic trust. A person who has had the childhood experience of secure attachment to his mother will not feel that fundamental emptiness and fearfulness inside that drive others into addictions and codependency.
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Dr. Welch's book runs counter to society's prevailing attitude that stresses our separateness from each other and welcomes a child's precocity and early independence. We are so obsessed with the freedom of the individual that we give up on those who isolate themselves out of fear. There are those who crave the natural high that comes from deep attachments but are so afraid of people that they turn to drugs instead, and all we have for them are shrugs and prisons.
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For the sake of our children, I wish Dr. Welch the widest possible readership
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Summary: Holding therapy is child abuse!
Review: Holding therapy was never meant to be used on infants and young children; it was initially intended for autistic adults. There is research that shows it can and has led to psychotic reactions. I consider it absolutely at odds with loving parenting, because there is no way to regain full trust after forcing a child to be held against their will. In addition, this technique has led some unscrupulous therapists to use not just their arms but chains! I am so saddened about the use of this technique. To me it's obvious that even if there is a so-called "breakthrough" there is no way to avoid the deep anger and resentment created by the technique itself. The only possible result of holding therapy is cooperation on the surface and deep anger inside. Holding therapy has much in common with punishment. Like all forms of punishment, It interferes with the bond between parent and child, because it is simply not human nature to feel loving toward someone who hurts and frustrates us. The true spirit of cooperation that every parent desires can come about only through a strong bond based on mutual feelings of love and respect. Holding time, even when it appears to work, can produce only superficially good behavior based on fear, which can last only until the child is old enough to resist; angry teenagers are not really the puzzle that our society supposes. Their anger was created and deepened every time they were treated disrespectfully, especially during early childhood. In contrast, cooperation based on many experiences of respectful and compassionate care will bring many years of mutual happiness. All children behave as well as they are treated! How sad that something as beautiful as having a child in our arms, when the desire is mutual, has been perverted into such a sadistic "therapy".
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