Real Parents, Real Children ; Parenting the Adopted Child: Parenting the Adopted Child

Rating:
Summary: Very helpful book on many adoption fronts
Review: Gulden and Bartels-Rabb cover a large number of issues that adoptive parents would greatly benefit knowing about, even if some don't apply to their personal situation, such as adoption of an older child and the consequent issue of bonding and attachment and re-naming the child. Also, the book offers a great bibliography. I could identify with several points brought up. Preplacement and postplacement stress (and joy!) is one issue I can still vividly remember. Also the fact that parenting adopted children is, in fact, different from parenting birth children. In our case, I found this to be especially true during the first year of our daughter's life when nature had not prepared me for the arrival of a child. Our daughter was four days old and loved around the clock. However, I found that the difference between her and our two birth children lasted only as long as the milk flowed. After that, I saw three unique individuals, and as the years went by, the issue of adoption was no more a household word than the issue of biological birth. We spoke lovingly of her birthmother and brought her up at special events, yet our daughter, very easy-going in temperament, never seemed to suffer an identity crisis or later, an interest in searching. When her birthmother appeared 29 years later, she began a cordial relationship with her but claims that the reunion has not made her whole while before she was fragmented. She had merely made a new friend. Perhaps our daughter was like the little eleven-year old boy quoted by Gulden and Bartels-Rabb: "You know all those things you've been saying about my birth parents? Well, I've come to the conclusion that those poor suckers lost a good thing." It would be nice if all adopted kids felt as confident, but that's sadly not true.
Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open or Closed Practice?

Rating:
Summary: Indispensable help for anyone adopting an older child...
Review: I almost did not buy this book after reading a review that it was "too clinical." Thank heaven I went for it anyway. It was SO interesting and SO helpful, it has inspired me to write my first book review here on Amazon. I have read every book I can get my hands on since I adopted a 4-year-old from another country and this was by far the most useful to me. While it also covers adoption of infants and domestic adoption, Van Gulden delves deeply into adoption of older (more than a year old), international/interracial children and the issues they face. I especially like how - after each chapter - she gives a list of other resources/books to consult for more information. There are great suggestions of children's books that will help you approach most any difficult topic that can - and will - come up with your new child. I am back here shopping for more copies tonight - get a copy for grandma/grandpa and anyone else close to you who may need a little education on the unique intricacies of adopting an older child from another culture or race. I am so grateful to have found this book and highly recommend it. Adoption is one of life's richest blessings - and most worthy challenges. This book will help you appreciate and cope and know that you are not alone.

Rating:
Summary: Too Clinical
Review: I ordered this book & returned it after glancing through it. It seems too clinical & dry. It seemed like reading a college child development book. I'm sure there's lots of good information in there, but I want something that is easier to apply to my life. I also ordered "Keys to Parenting an Adopted Child" by Kathy Lancaster, and that seems like a better book to start with for me. Obviously, other people have enjoyed this book though - but it wasn't for me at this point in time (we're in the process of adopting an infant from Russia & don't have kids yet).

Rating:
Summary: Super!
Review: Not only is this a fantastic resource for adoptive parents, but an incredible review of normal childhood development and the grieving process. The authors address all scenerios for adoption (foreign, domestic, cross-cultural, from infancy and beyond, from foster care, etc.) in a clear and informative way. The research into this book must have been phenomenal. Recommended reading for parents well into the process as well as prospective parents. It's both honest and hopeful. Bravo!

Rating:
Summary: Real Authors with Real Great Advice!
Review: Real Parents, Real Children has been one of the most helpful books I have read on adoption, and as an adoption social worker - I have read quite a few! What I enjoyed most about this book was the in-depth look Holly Van Gulden and Lisa M. Bartels-Rabb took at each developmental stage in a child's life. After learning what all children go through at a particular stage, Van Gulden and Bartels-Rabb then discuss issues that may arise in each stage as related to adotpion. This book is a great resource for adoptive parents to determine if their child's behavior is due to their developmental stage or and adoption issue that needs to be resolved. Van Gulden and Bartels-Rabb do not end there! They go on to give practical advice on how to help your child through a tough issue. I appreciate this books honest and professional flavor. I recommend this book to all adoptive parents as a resource that can be used for many years. The earlier adoption related issues can be dicovered and worked through, the better for the child and the family. Two other books I highly recommend are "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" and "Making Sense of Adoption"

Rating:
Summary: Super!
Review: This book didn't cover anything new. A pre-placement parenting class was required for our homestudy for our adoption, and reading this book was like re-taking that class. The same issues (generic) were discussed. Maybe if I hadn't heard all the information before, I would have found this book more valuable.

Rating:
Summary: Nothing New
Review: This book didn't cover anything new. A pre-placement parenting class was required for our homestudy for our adoption, and reading this book was like re-taking that class. The same issues (generic) were discussed. Maybe if I hadn't heard all the information before, I would have found this book more valuable.

Rating:
Summary: This book is a must if you are adopted or are going to adopt
Review: This book helped with my understanding of adopted children. As an adopted child I was able to understand the feelings I have been feeling all my life. it opened up communication with me and my parents. I would truly recommend this book to all people.