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Summary: This book is destructive to families
Review: I caught my wife in an affair. She filed for divorce. I convinced her to try therapy and we saw a therapist. Before the therapist even met with me alone, she recommended my wife read this book. I found it at home and read it. I was outraged because the book was complete trash. I totally agree with some other readers that the book offers nothing except relief from guilt for breaking up a marriage and family; and that the author's purpose for writing the book was to justify her own actions in leaving her husband and hurting her daughter in the process. Read her daughter's school essay near the end of the book where she states something like "I wouldn't wish divorce on any family, but I can see where I have grown in some ways because of it." The author actually interprets that as her daughter saying, "Mom, it's OK. Yes, I suffered from your leaving Dad, but boy-howdy did it make me a stronger person. Gee, thanks, Mom! You did the right thing!" The author falls back on Darwin-inspired ideas like this (I'll paraphrase): "Society has changed, and marriage has adapted to survive these changes. Before we had the nuclear family, now marriage has evolved to the binuclear family." She thinks that by giving divorce a fancy scientific-sounding label like "binuclear family" that it gains legitimacy. You know, if my wife (now ex-wife) had not been able to surround herself with two or three so-called friends who were divorce proponents, and this lousy book, we might have had a fighting chance of reconciling our marriage. And my children, our extended families (both sides), and I wouldn't be hurting so terribly now. I can't blame everything on this book, obviously, but it was certainly not helpful, and probably harmful.
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Summary: This is a great book for pre-/post-divorce parents
Review: I found some this book to be both helpful and comforting to read. I learned SO much about divorce while reading this book - the feelings and thoughts that lead to it, what happens to both the leaver and the levee after the separation and the legal stuff about divorces. The words that Constance wrote provided a lot of comfort to me when I read this book. She puts her own experiences and feelings in this book and I felt like I got close to her when I read this. She gives inspiration and hope to all of us divorced parents. I highly recommend this book to ANYONE separated, divorced, or even thinking of doing it
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Summary: our first step as intelligent coparents
Review: I found this book in the esteemed Bank Street educational bookstore in Manhattan and it became the first ray of hope during the dark early months of separation. My coparent and I started experiencing our disentangling as an organic shift in our ONGOING relationship, and expressing our continued commitment to each other in affirmative and reaffirming terms. This allowed us to give our son the language and story-telling he needed to feel has HAS a family -- it's simply a differently shaped one. In the intervening two years, our friendship as coparents has continued to thrive as we began tentative steps into new relationships, and as we set up rules and rituals in two households. Ahrons got us started.This book explains the sampling issues relevant to debunking Wallenstein. And as a person with an A.B. in anthropology from Harvard, I can tell you that Ahrons sampling methods look pretty good. And her use of positive applicable metaphors to create constructive problem-solving is innovatively brilliant. This is the nice, smart-peoples' divorce book. Forward-looking. Our family relationships today ARE (societally-speaking) often "differently shaped." Ahrons helps us start to deal with that and grow from that base. For our childrens' sake AND our own. Families where one person is dying don't work.
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Summary: Comforting and Helpful
Review: I found this book to be very comforting, helpful and intelligent. Of course, a happy marriage and family is what everyone whats. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, your marriage is unhealthy for your entire family. A major theme in the book is that you and your exspouse will always be part of a family if you have children. That you are connected through and because of your children. This book shows that it is possible to create a healthy family in which the parents do not live together. The research done, shows that your children do not have to be damaged by divorce. It shows how sucessful families have created this in their lives. Divorce is not what people expect when they get married and have children, but if it is the only option to creating a happy, peaceful home, it is good to know that your children don't have to be damaged if you take the proper steps. I highly recommend it if you have children.
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Summary: A "must" for divorcing with children...amicably.
Review: My first concern during our divorce was how to make it as painless as possible for our children ages spanning from pre-teen to young adults. With "The Good Divorce" I was able to present these goals to my husband. It was a tremendous help in guiding us through our divorce amicably and I am pleased to say that my ex and I are on very good terms today as a result of looking at divorce issues from such a positive point of view.
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Summary: Misleading Title
Review: Rather than a guide to keeping your family together if you must divorce, the author seems to want to justify divorce. Worse than that it is unsuccessful in justifying divorce. It cites a lot of studies without providing any supporting details to make those studies come to life. Her examples are many times truly unconventional or she falls back on movies such as "War of the Roses," as an example of how futile revenge is. The author seems to be trying to justify her own divorce 35 years ago, by letting us know how our society and culture have change since the first half of the twientieth century. Who cares about her divorce, she isn't even a good writer. As she rambles on and on through one chapter after another, there is always hope that the next chapter will provide insight to the divorce emotions, situation and process. Admittedly I gave up somewhere around the middle of the book, when I became convinced that a worthwhile chapter probably was not in this book. The good news is that there are a lot of books on divorce that are well written and offer real insight, and I believe good and practical advice.
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Summary: Blameless society in a book
Review: This author bashes past research findings, citing limited research parameters, then spins her own findings as the most relevant, without adequately supporting her claims. This should be a book about divorce and dealing with the process, not a thinly-veiled political commentary. Contrary to what is written in this book, conservatives and their governmental policies are not to blame for the increase in divorce rates. If "serial monogamy," where one enters into a marriage without expecting it to be a lifetime commitment is in line with your thinking towards marriage and/or divorce, this book is for you.
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Summary: Moving on
Review: This book helped me move from being stuck in fear of living without my marriage to seeing possibility for my future. Change is always difficult. This book made me see this family change in a new and healthy way. I recommend The Good Divorce to anyone who is having a hard time accepting the end of a marriage.
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Summary: If divorce is inevitable, get this book
Review: This book helped me through my divorce, helping to understand the feelings I was having, and how others have dealt with them. But even more importantly, it presents case studies that can provide pointers on a "successful" divorce that doesn't ruin you--or the kids--emotionally.
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