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Summary: "an extraordinary book" --from the Foreword by MIKE WALLACE
Review: "[This is] an extraordinary book, full of the insights that come from the fact that Anne herself was a victim of depression fallout...She's got it right, and believe me, she'll help you cope." --from the Foreword by MIKE WALLACE"Anne Sheffield has guided me to fresh recognitions of myself in relation to my long-term spouse, again and again. I wish we'd had this book decades ago." --ROSE STYRON "Written in an engaging, articulate style, HOW YOU CAN SURVIVE WHEN THEY'RE DEPRESSED combines the personal with the practical and will serve as a gift to the millions of people who accompany the people they love on the journey to hell and back." --MARTHA MANNING, author of UNDERCURRENTS "As a clinician, I am enormously pleased that such a work will inform and help many patients and their caretakers of all sorts. As a scientist, I am delighted by this pioneering introduction to a profound source of detailed information that now becomes accessible for future research." --from the Introduction by DONALD F. KLEIN, M.D. from PUBLISHERS WEEKLY 03/02/98-- "The daughter of a depressive and once depressed herself, Sheffield draws on both her personal knowledge and the varied experiences of members of the Mood Disorders Support Group of New York City to create this informative guidebook for those with a depressive loved one. She explains the symptoms of depression and its treatment options, counseling first for the use of antidepressants and then perhaps talk therapy. Discussing the steps one can take to help a depressive, Sheffield focuses on how to protect oneself from depression fallout, her term for the noxious effects of living close to a depressive. Using brief case stories, she illustrates her view of the five stages of depression fallout: confusion, self-doubt, demoralization, anger and the desire to escape. With the understanding that living with a depressive is hazardous to one's health, Sheffield reiterates the steps one can take to protect one's self-esteem and to control the depressive's ! verbal abuse, manipulative behavior and even threats of violence. The special problems of parents of a depressed child and children of a depressed parent are discussed. The benefits of joining a support group are explained, with practical advice on organizing one. This handbook is a useful starting point for anyone hoping safely to accompany someone on a journey through depression."
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Summary: A great source of support and comfort
Review: A couple years ago, my depressed boyfriend and I were having lots of trouble in our relationship. I was reading reviews for different books on the subject when I came across this one. I read a review by a woman who said this book helped her realize that her husband was still in there somewhere, hidden by the depression. I started crying right at my desk and I knew I had to get this book. This book helps you understand how your partner's depression affects you. I didn't realize how much damage it had done to my self-esteem to be around someone who suffered from depression. It just eats away at you and hurts you in ways that you wouldn't even think of. After reading this, it made sense why we were having so many problems and made our efforts to work on these problems much more fruitful. You have to know the ways their depression has affected you before you can start making it better. That relationship is over now but I am doing very well and I give credit to what I learned in this book.
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Summary: A great source of support and comfort
Review: A couple years ago, my depressed boyfriend and I were having lots of trouble in our relationship. I was reading reviews for different books on the subject when I came across this one. I read a review by a woman who said this book helped her realize that her husband was still in there somewhere, hidden by the depression. I started crying right at my desk and I knew I had to get this book. This book helps you understand how your partner's depression affects you. I didn't realize how much damage it had done to my self-esteem to be around someone who suffered from depression. It just eats away at you and hurts you in ways that you wouldn't even think of. After reading this, it made sense why we were having so many problems and made our efforts to work on these problems much more fruitful. You have to know the ways their depression has affected you before you can start making it better. That relationship is over now but I am doing very well and I give credit to what I learned in this book.
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Summary: This book has saved my sanity and maybe will save my husband
Review: After I read A. Sheffield's book I realized that the emotional upheaval caused by my husband's undiagnosed manic-depression has been shared by other people. I am not alone anymore dealing with a wide range of negative emotions that this disease causes in family members who have this very serious disorder. I shared the book with my in-laws and they too understand the disease better and understand what has happened to their son, and to their relationship with him. Ms. Sheffield's book is equivalent to a masters degree in "depression fallout". Validating the pain, estrangement, and "emotional lockout" that occurs to family members when their loved one is clinically depressed and or manic depressive is a form of enlightenment. You realize that you, as a family member, are also stricken by this illness but in a different way. After reading the book, you feel more understanding of your depressed loved one...and in turn...with this new insight, might be able to help them and yourself. It gives you hope, whereas, before reading it, there was none. I am now in a support group for family members who have this affliction. Anne Sheffield's book has given me courage.
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Summary: Very helpful in getting me through a difficult time
Review: After living with a depressed partner for 3 years, I was at my wits' end about the lethargy, the crying, the emotional distancing. I bought about 10 books on living with a depressed loved one, and not only did I think that Anne Sheffield's book was the most helpful, but my partner also read it and he said that it was the most accurate description of what he saw me going through. I highly recommend this book to anyone who has a depressed loved one in their lives.
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Summary: Some personal comments from the author
Review: Amazon.com has done an amazingly good synopsis of my book, but there are a few personal comments that I'd like to add about the problem of living with and loving someone with a depressive illness. First, my experience of depression is two-fold: as the daughter of a clinically depressed mother and also as a sufferer of depression myself. As my theory of depression fallout took shape, I began to reflect on the broken relationships that littered by life and to suspect that I, not others, was responsible for their demise; that my depression-driven negativity was the source of misunderstandings and breakups that I had always attributed to others. Second, depression fallout is a universal phenomenom. As more and more people shared with me their stories of a depressive or manic-depressive spouse or lover, parent or child, the clearer the pattern of behavior and response became. No matter what the relationship, the age or gender or circumstances of those involved, they all experienced the same progression from confusion and self-doubt, to demoralization and resentment, even anger. And unless they became aware of that pattern's source and helped their depressive seek treatment for the illness, they eventually wanted to escape their dilemma by distancing themselves from it, either physically or psychologically. All this compounded their feelings of guilt, disloyalty and inadequacy. And third, the coping strategies the book provides are tested and they work. They come from the more than two years I spent in a support group for friends and family members of depressives and manic-depressives. Although my mother died many years ago, depriving us of the chance tounderstand and fix what went wrong between us, I have learned at last to see her as depressed rather than mean-spirited, as unable to love rather than unloving, and as the victim of her depression rather than a free agent who chose to be hurtful. In February, l999 the book won the Books for a Better Life Award in the Psychology Division. That prize, plus the countless letters and Emails I have received from readers, have provided me with tremendous psychic rewards. I greatly hope that reading it will help both you and the person you love.
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Summary: Vital in-depth how-to deal with another's depression
Review: An essential and up-to- date guide to understanding and living with deeply depressed spouses, family and loved ones. Easy to read and thorough with vivid case histories of tortured relationships, and practical advice on and solutions to seemingly impossible interpersonal problems. I have sent this to needy friends who are profuse in their gratitude. A fine book dedicated to educating the reader on how to recognize the situation and handle life when relationships go sour.
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Summary: Excellent advice and insight for those close to a depressive
Review: An insightful and helpful book for those who have ever lived with a depressed person. Through case studies and research, Sheffield shares the pain of many who have suffered at the hands of depressed people. This book helps one to understand the guilt and horror one feels when living and coping with a depressed loved one. In addition to realizing that what I felt was not only acceptable, I realized that I was not alone in my feelings. Moreover, Sheffield gives real advice that leads to solutions. I learned to better understand my depressed partner, but also to recognize the effects that their depression was having on me. This book should be read by everyone, it has relevance far beyond the pair imprisoned by a depressive. It has helped identify and explain people's behavior outside the discussed relationships.
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Summary: WOW!
Review: Anne lays out in strightforward terms a plan for how to stand your ground and get the peace of mind for yourself and help for your loved one. She helps you shift the blame from "him/her" to the IT (depression). This book no doubt saved my sanity as a spouse of a depressed person as well as my marriage and quite possibly the life of my spouse. Unbelievable quality and honesty in her writing. I was able to apply the teachings the day a read them. Thank you Anne!!
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Summary: Best of its genre
Review: As the mother of a depressed adult woman, I've read several books in an attempt to understand what SHE is dealing with, and how it is affecting the rest of the family. Many books deal with the depressed person's problems, and there are a few that focus specifically with the people whose lives are directly affected by the depressed person...spouses, parents, children, friends, in particular. This one will have you nodding your head in agreement, it acknowledges your need to protect your own mental health, and it gives you concrete ideas, through very readable and interesting case studies, for ways you can help the depressed individual and help yourself survive it.
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