To Train Up A Child

Rating:
Summary: Recommend reading, but with MUCH CAUTION!.
Review: This book describes ONE approach to child training and discipline. The approach is described using fascinating and sometimes humorous (and sometimes disturbing) anecdotes to illustrate the method, as well as quotes from the bible, and explanations of the moral philosophy behind the method. The approach uses ruthless (though not cruel) methods aimed at TRAINING the child before the child is capable of understanding reason, and later at quickly and effectively subduing the will of the child before the child has a chance to use his will in a way that is negative for the family or himself (i.e. nips it in the bud). This approach apparently has worked flawlessly, for THIS FAMILY, and for others who have been able to CONSISTENTLY and CAREFULLY incorporate its BASIC PRINCIPLES into the their family life. The book will be shocking to some, but if you keep an open mind, you can take away something valuable from the experience.

Whether or not I agree with the methods or will employ them, reading the book was fascinating to me, and it was worth it to explore this method with the author, and see from his point of view. I will take away from it, if nothing else, a widened perspective of the alternative ways out there to rear a child, and the advantages of being ruthless (i.e. perfectly consistent and strict) with your child in a nurturing way.

After deliberating on the book for quite a while, I believe the key to the method is in the ATTITUDE in which it is applied, and not in the fact that the author uses a switch (stick) to train and discipline, (though the switch may yield the *quickest* results, but at what cost is unclear.) It is clear in the book that the author (and others) can use a switch (spanking) so that training and discipline is done in a loving and nurturing way. I know that sounds paradoxical! So I would urge anyone reading this book to be very CAREFUL if you choose to employ spankings while applying the principles in this book. Make sure you fully understand the requisite attitude, have the ability to see into your child's heart at every step, trust your judgment completely, and are certain that you want to incorporate this attitude and approach into your personal parenting style. The attitude is more than just a demeanor, but is a way of seeing, understanding, and molding your child.

In addition, to effectively use the method you have to truly LISTEN to your child, UNDERSTAND your child's feelings, KNOW your child's needs, and really even SEE into your child's soul. The switch on your child is a SERIOUS undertaking, and not to be entered into lightly or without full responsibility. You are taking responsibility for molding your child's heart and soul. That is an awesome responsibility! One mistake could have drastic consequences. Your commitment to "the rod" MUST include the effect ON YOU of heightening YOUR senses and forcing YOU to be strict in YOUR thoughts and in YOUR understanding of the child, and in your VISION of your child - precisely so that you DO NOT EVER misuse it. And the only true judge of whether it was done in the right way can be that your child has NO QUESTION that the experience was good for him. If you doubt that your child would thank you, then do not do it.

The book is very thin, and should have dedicated more pages to CAUTIONING parents not to use the method in the WRONG way. It should have surveyed the possible ways this method could go wrong if done half-heartedly, or not with full understanding of the philosophy behind the method, or if spankings were used without the proper attitude. But I guess that is up to parents reading the book to investigate alternative methods, before they find out for themselves. The sad fact is that the author did not take the time to explore all the possible ways that this book might be misinterpreted or the switch(spanking) misused. He does touch on it, but does not go into enough detail (he may not know the ways it can fail since the method works well for him and he has not seen many failings.) For that reason BUYER BEWARE. Explore the ideas and compare them with other methods before choosing one to use. I hope parents out there do not fall victim to the many potential pitfalls of employing this method without KNOWING that the method is correct for them and that it FEELS RIGHT to them at every step of the way.

In addition, I believe that while it is apparent from the anecdotes in the book that switching(spanking) may yield the QUICKEST results, it does not even consider the COST at which these quick results will come, touching only lightly on the RISKS associated in such an undertaking. This is a very controversial book in my opinion, and much thought, discussion, debate, and soul searching should take place before embracing this method or approach.

Rating:
Summary: This is SAD!
Review: I bought this book out of pure curiosity- I went to their website and thought it was one of those sites that are only there to get people upset- a joke. So, I never thought anymore about it. Then I read where these people are for real so I bought the book used to see if it were as horrible as people said (sometimes people exagerate!). I am a little over halfway thru and had to put it down b/c it made me cry. This is so incredibly pitiful! I have spanked but do not believe in it, however, I think it is up to the parent's discretion. BUT, these people are on a serious power-trip and I am very disturbed at the way they claim that it is all God-oriented. I do not hink God meant "the rod" to be taken to this extreme, and I am not sure that God meant that we all had to spank our kids to discipline them. I am a very firm believer in disciplining a child and consistency, but this is so beyond that.
An example is spanking a baby for crying when laid down in his crib to go to sleep. Or, pulling a baby's hair if they bite when nursing. Or how about switching a 4 mth old for trying to crawl up the stairs. The answer to every single thing a baby does that is in the least bit undesirable, is a switching. And I do mean baby. A lot of the examples have babies and toddlers being switched, but of course if the kid is too old to care about a little switching you should move onto bigger branches and belts. It is totally appropriate to switch a 12 mth old 20 times for him to learn he is to do exactly what you say when you say it. Like, the last passage that made me cry was a 15 mth old who was placed in the care of Debi Pearl and was missing his mama. He was crying so Debi tried to show him how much fun it would be to spin the wheels on a roller skate. The toddler refused to spin the wheel after being told to do it, so he was spanked 10 times before the poor little guy gave in and rolled the wheel.
Then they are talking about how proud they are of a 3 yr old little girl who was spanking her doll for crying, over and over, and then the doll stopped crying (in the girls' imagination), and was praised for not crying. They talk about how great this is. It is great to see a 3 yr old spank her babydoll for crying? This book is filled with these tyoes of scenarios, and I am having a hard time believing they are even serious. I keep thinking they are just some weird people who get off on publishing books that tell parents to abuse their children. Are these people really parents? This is a very scary book.
I have read everything from Ezzo to Sears and although I do not agree with some of what I have read, I think all parents are entitled to do what they feel is best, but this book goes beyond the normal realm of child-rearing and crosses the line to some kind of cult on a power trip or something. It is the saddest thing I have ever read and although they have some good points here and there (like consistency), 95% of this is just garbage. I am in total shock that anyone would think of kids this way and treat them like this.

Rating:
Summary: The Child Abuse Primer
Review: Want to teach your infant not to grab your glasses? Hit her - with a weapon!

Want to teach your toddler *who can't swim* not to play in a pond? Kick her in and don't pull her out until she's really terrified.

Want a proud moment? Watch a preschooler spank her baby doll repeatedly - then muse about what a great mom she'll grow into.

A good message is destroyed by the abusive methods taught in this book. Consistency. Consistent and involved parenting are essential to successful parenting. While the Pearls defile virtually every aspect of parenting, they get that one right.

Unfortunately, Michael and Debi Pearl seem to believe that the only way to raise well-behaved children is to abuse them from the earliest possible moment. Their evidence? Anecdotes about children who have been beaten into submission (and yes, they advocate sitting on a child who is unwilling to take a beating) and some gossip about a handful of other families.

This book is largely Michael Pearl boasting about his exploits as a child abuser and his joy at how his zealotry has infected other families. And, of course, how he wants *you* to attack your children, too.

If you think your children need to be spanked, switched, swatted, hit, or whatever you want to call it, take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself why. If the answer is something you're doing wrong as a parent, do you really believe hurting your kids will correct your mistakes?

If you've read this book, and think it's a good idea to or have implemented the Pearls' methods, hang your head in shame and seek parenting classes. They can't be any worse than abusing your children.

Use common sense and don't buy this book. Don't allow the Pearls to profit off of yet another abused child. If you are that desperate for decent parenting advice, you're not going to find what you need in a book anyway.

Rating:
Summary: THE most BALANCED of all discipline/parenting books.
Review: This is the most balanced of all parenting books. It is not a formula, but instead an attitude shift for parents that will transcend to their children. It really is a book on parent-training. It stresses the importance of time with your children...truly fellowshipping. The discipline advice is simple to administer, not long drawn out lecture/spankings. It is based on biblical truths, so if you don't believe the Word of God....meaning....the WORDS in the Bible...don't get this book. If you believe the Bible actually means what it says, and commands parents to use physical force for discipline and training, then you won't need to read any other book on the subject. This has it all. I have seen homes transformed within a matter of weeks after the parents read this book. More than changing their children's behavior (which it did), it changed the parent's behavior as well. A MUST READ for any Christian parent who views their job as the most important they will ever have here on this earth. My husband and I are in our twenties, and have five children under 6. Would we have so many children close together if our children were disobediant and whiny? NO, we would not. This book has been a great encouragement to us in our childrearing.

The other reviewers who left negative reviews must not have believed or followed the advice in this book. If they had, they would be enjoying their children more than ever before, and their children would be the happiest they've ever been. The effects of so-called "gentle parenting" (i.e. no spanking) are now evident in our society, aye? No thank you. We don't want to raise whiny brats who have no respect for authority.

One last thought... The authors of this book have raised 5 children. The children are adults now, and they all love the Lord, NEVER rebelled, and three of them are married to godly spouses (the other two have not yet married), and are raising their children the same way they were raised. Why? BECAUSE THE WAY THEY WERE RAISED WORKED! If you doubt the affects of this type of child rearing, why not read their oldest daughters book, called, "Rebecca's Diary"... it's her diary from when she was a lone missionary in her early twenties in New Guinea. The proof is in the pudding, and it's in that book. No one can argue with that.

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Summary: I didn't sleep for four nights after I read this book!!
Review: I didn't sleep because I knew in my heart that the Pearls were right and everything I had read for the last 10 years about child raising, discipline, psychology, etc., was mostly junk. I never spanked my first child, I resorted to time-out, sending her to her room and all the other ridiculous emotional manipulation methods I had been told would be effective. What I produced was a guilt ridden unhappy child, just like the Pearls said would happen to children who are sent away from a loving parent's instruction. By this point my 2 year old was out of control. After applying the principles in this book in a loving, consistent way my whole life changed and so did my children's lives. No more yelling from frustration, no more outbursts from anyone in our home. We play, live and learn together, something we never could have done before because of the lack of training in our home.

I tried to share these principles with a good friend of mine, she does not apply them. What she has in her home is utter chaos, children who have no respect for her or anyone else and these kids are both under four. I cannot imagine what they will be like in 10 years. If you want to enjoy your children, truly enjoy them, learn how to train and not discipline, it will change your life. If you think this book is child abuse I would challenge you to videotape yourself having a screaming fit at your kids and maybe even lashing out at them because you are emotionally exhausted. That is child abuse. This book shows you how to lovingly train your children. It works.

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Summary: The baby whipping handbook
Review: This book reads like a child abuse instruction manual. They recommend "switching" babies as young as four months old. The first three words of chapter one are "Switch Your Children." On page 6 of chapter one, they recommend setting up situations where you know the child is going to disobey and then switching them for it. On page 7, they recommend pulling babies' hair. At the bottom of page 7, they say to place a bowl within a babies reach and then thump his hand whenever he touches it. On page 8, they recommend hitting a 10 month old with a switch when he doesn't go to the parent fast enough for their liking. Page 9, they say to hit a 5 month old on the bare legs with a switch. On page 10, he tells a story of a 12 month old that gets spanked 15 times in a row as an example of a good thing to do.

As someone who works closely with social services, I can honestly say that the hardest thing to deal with is a parent who is indoctrinated by this sort of bunk. As a Christian, I am ashamed that the Pearls' are twisting scripture to suit their purposes and turning many away from Christ. The millstone will be around their necks for the many they have caused to stumble.

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Summary: This book changed the direction of our life
Review: This book changed the direction of raising our children. Before reading the book our house was full of commotion. After reading the book we were inspired to make our children happier by giving them the fellowship and training they needed. The book stresses the importance of enjoying your children. Many of us are so consumed with trying to punish our children into doing what we want them to do that we forget to drop what we are doing and have fun with the kids. Yes, the book discusses how to displine for bad attitudes, but the emphasis is on winning them over before the need to discipline arises.

An excellent illustrated children's book that demonstrates joyful child training techniques is Mama Cat's Adventures in Child Training Presents: No Whining!.

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Summary: Child training is only for the Strongest of Families...
Review: It is easy to berate, yell at, be inconsistent, be happy when you feel like it, and unhappy when you don't. It is only the strong and determined (Spirit-led) parent that can lovingly train up a child. If you love your children enough to bring them along side of you and let them become your pal, good-helper, and prized jewel -- you will indeed profit greatly from this book. None of these principles will work if you do not "tie strings" of fellowship constantly with your children.

From personally being at a Pearl's seminar a couple of years ago, I witnessed children who love their parents and have a great spirit of comraderie and loving respect. If you find yourself in a spirit of constant distress and out of fellowship with your children -- then you are not applying the Pearl's principles or God's principles.

It takes, joy, love, and fellowship with God to train up a child and if you apply these principles you will find that there is indeed "No greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth".

Rating:
Summary: This Book Is SICK
Review: I would never recommend this book to anyone! The Pearls teach abusive ways of raising children. They recommend taking a swithch (pipe thread) to a 5 month old baby. They think it is okay to make a young toddler stand out in the ice and snow all day and watch their father work to learn that chores must be done! If someone is looking for real discipline advice I suggest you read a book on positive discipline. This book shouldn't even be sold in my opinion!!!!!!

Rating:
Summary: Recovering
Review: First, let me preface this by saying that maybe there are parents out there who are doing a better job with the Pearls' materials than I did. I'm thinking they're probably ignoring at least half of what the Pearls have to say or they're using it in a family setting that is vastly different from my own, or their expectations are far lower than the Pearls'. Be that as it may, I myself cannot in good conscience recommend the Pearls because of what happened to me. I own and confess my part in what happened, but I will say that I would have been better off if I had never even heard of To Train Up a Child.

I first implemented the Pearls' strategies (except infant potty training) when my first daughter was 5 months old. It made sense to me ' after all, I'd trained dogs since I was 5 years old, and if a stupid dog could learn, certainly a smart child would! I really thought I was on to something, that this was God's will, and I read the books several times each year and subscribed to the newsletter. For the next year and a half, I continued getting great results, and was always complimented on what a wonderful child I had. I got rather smug and conceited about it.

When she was 2 years old, she decided she wasn't going to take it anymore. I'd work her over with the paddle for MONTHS on some behaviour or another, with no positive result ' she just would not back down. Over the next year and a half, her behaviour and our relationship deteriorated at an ever-accelerating rate. I eventually snapped, had to seek professional help, and was investigated by Child Protective Services.

The consequences lasted for years. There was of course the money and time spent on counseling. I'm sure my actions had a lot to do with her encopresis (look that up for yourself) - which meant a very restrictive diet, hundreds of dollars in medical bills, and diapers until age 6. Not to mention the shame and anguish.

She still has the attitude of 'No reward is too sweet, no consequences too great, I'm gonna do whatever I want.' She's so tough that she could eat Ezzo for an appetizer, Pearl for the main course, and Dobson for dessert. I'm still working past the rewards/consequences mentality to address her heart. That's not to say I don't discipline - I do, and I teach. I pick battles carefully. Sometimes the unstoppable force still meets the immovable post, and it's not pretty. Nonetheless, things are better now, and sometimes she shows genuine repentance. Older, more experienced parents have confirmed that I'm on the right track. I still have a ways to go ' particularly in the areas of patience and unrealistic expectations.

I hope I've succeeded in owning up to what I did, but I would like to briefly address the Pearls. I'm thinking that if the Pearls had a fence-rattler or two, that child was probably not their first. A strong, let's say, fifth child in their context would have four older children plus two stay-at-home adults (maybe three if you add a granny) sitting on him constantly, not one worn out mother! And as far as 'well, it works for their whole church too,' goes ' does anyone honestly believe that a family like ours would stick around for long? Birds of a feather flock together. God bless the Pearls, but I really don't think they know everything about raising every single child in every single family situation. They are, after all, only human.