Rating: 
Summary: Fresh, healthy way to look at forgiveness
Review: -
Extreme, intentional, violent, and ongoing cruelty, especially that inflicted on a child or adolescent is unforgettable and certainly unforgiveable unless the perpetrator offers a meaningful apology and appropriate restitution. Cruelty can scar an individual for life. It affects the nervous system.
The ONLY Christian way, so we are told, is to turn the other cheek and forgive your trespasser, whether or not he/she apologizes. That is the message of the Christian faith. Jesus said, "You have heard it said, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for your enemies [do not try to even the score; do not seek revenge]. And above all, forgive your enemies."
However, as Janice Spring, observes, gentuine forgiveness cannot take place until both parties, the wronger and the wronged, have negotiated, and the wrongdoer has offered a genuine apology, and perhaps even some sort of restitution. Both parties have to communicate fully.
If individuals applied this Christian principle in all of their affairs they would perhaps have peace with themselves. If nations applied this principle in all of their affairs, the world would perhaps be at peace today.
As the Scandinavians, who have passed laws against corporal punishment, say, if we can't convince others with words, we can neve convince them with violence. Or with war!
Incidentally, a true Christian does not bear arms. Period! Those who CHOOSE not to bear arms are NOT cowards, they are following the Christian faith.
Anyone who does otherwise and claims he or she is a Christian is mocking the very words of Christ.
It is also said, in the New Testament: "A rich man (or woman) cannot enter the Kingdom of God, any more than can a camel go through the eye of a needle." -Jesus Christ.
I've always interpreted the words to be a reminder that we all share with one another, help one another, rather than compete with one another. There is no such thing as HEALTHY competition.
I myself was a victim of ongoing violent cruelty by my Christian neighbors during my high school days, all of whom were more agile than I was in sports. My assailants, most from prominent families, have NEVER apologized. They have just acted like it never happened.
I have continued to suffer immensely in having to live with the recurrent memories throughout my adult life, memories which have severely impaired my ability to trust others.
My own mother lost her home as a result of negligent surgery and her inability to return to work full time and earn a living. My brother, a veteran, died homeless, as a result of the way he was treated by his own countrymen. He was operated three times for a brain tumor two years after his active duty, during his early 20s. He died homeless at the age of 64, having apprently lost faith in everyone, including me. Anyhow, he did not die a rich man, although he was surrounded with rich Christians, who operated a mission, and who were offering him a place to sleep on a floor in February, only to kick him and all of the other homeless ill men out onto the street at 6 a.m.
Thanks Janice! You've made some excellent points about life and people.
Rating:
Summary: Author Spring Makes Valid Point!
Review: -
Janice Spring makes a valid point! Forgiveness is a two-way street. That's what the Bible says. Although offenders, it would seem, have a RESPONSIBLITY to apologize to the victims of their offensive behavior, a true Christian ALWAYS forgives his or her trespassers, even if his/her trespasser has not apologized. The ONLY Christian way is to turn the other cheek and forgive one's trespassers, not to DEMAND an apology or seek retribution.Waiting around for someone who has offended you to apologize to you is a waste of your own time and energy and can destroy your own peace of mind. Even when Christ was tortured by his trespassers and dying on the cross, He said: "Forgive them for they know not what they do. Concentrate on today. Transcendental meditation can work wonders in achieving peace of mind. So, thanks so much Janice for writing your book. I hope other will read it.
Rating: 
Summary: Forgiveness Means Nothing
Review: .
Forgiving one who has defiled, sodomized and disenfranchised me is not a courageous act! I was murdered in cold blood by the multiple heinous verbal and physical atrocities committed against me from the time I was conceived. My assailants have all claimed to be righteous "children" of God. Although I am considered to be a strapping six foot tall senior Gentile man, I am a gentleman and I am human, and the human mind does not forget the cruelties inflicted by others. The psychiatrists and psychologists I was referred to, both male and female, only did additional irreparable damage, some only by minimizing the pain I have suffered. I, of necessity, live alone. Forgiveness means nothing. It's just a word. I have been invariably punished for doing the right thing. I have been forced to apologize to those lying "God-fearing" hypocrites who assaulted and offended me, merely because I afterwards tried to defend my good name and because no one would listen to me. One of the most heinous of heinous and cruel was the lying, verbally abusive female chair of a psychology department where I was enrolled as a student. Forgiveness has no meaning. I was murdered in cold blood some sixty-five years ago and my corpse has been continously defiled by the same group of "goodly" people. I read their own glowing obituariies, about how they served mankind and God. I get so sick I sometimes want to throw up. No, I don't need any more therapy. And I sure as hell don't need any more prescriptions for psychotropic drugs [poisons] offered by insensitive, sometimes vulgar-speaking psychiatrists and often recommended by their fellow insensitive, sometimes vulgar-speaking psychologists, all of whom are interested in only one thing, exploiting me. Forgiveness is a pesudo-religious concept invented, perhaps some 3,000 years ago, by those slaveholders who desired to control, oppress and beat the vulnerable into submission. The victim is thus required to offer apologies to his oppressor for attempting to free himself and to "forgive" the oppressor who violated him. The slaveholders have invariably justified their right to own slaves by claiming they themselves were enslaved by the ancestors of those whom they are oppressing. Only a masochist, in my opinion, would forgive the male or female who violated him, who sodomized him, who disenfranchised him. Although Moses is credited with having freed his people from enslavement by the Egyptians, the well-documented laws of Moses instituionalize the right of His Chosen People to enslave [and beat] the men, women and children of the "other nations," and to destroy their altars and places of worship. How barbaric! Yet these practices are still going on in the name of God, and those of us who are victims, who are STILL disenfranchised in our own homeland are supposed to 'forgive' our oppressors? Well, I myself don't believe in that god! My "God-fearing" countrymen asked me to serve in the armed services, and I did serve, honorably. Yet I was defiled by my own countrymen while serving. I am sixty-five-years-old. While my hair has turned silver, I am STILL not free. I am not PERMITTED to own my own home, to own my own little plot of ground, so I can BE free. Yet those two-faced slaveholders of the so-called rainbow coalition who make and enforce the laws that have disenfranchised me, live like kings and queens. They claim they are the chosen! Like I said, I don't believe in their god! They have made a scapegoat of me! Thy have murdered me! Why should I forgive them for enslaving me from the time I was conceived?! I need forgive none of my oppressors, for I am the Christ of my own god!
Rating:
Summary: What Is The Point In Forgiving Those Who Destroyed Me?!
Review: .
Neither freedom nor democracy can exist without absolute social and economic equality. The major religions all reinforce the institution of slavery in the various ways in which it is manifested. The Torah is the Holy book of Judaism, Islam and the majority of those who call themselves Christian. It says, "You shall destroy their altars." The World Trade Center towers were considered altars by those who destroyed them. Think about it. As for "forgiveness," it is a tool of the three major religions for obsolving the oppressors from blame, thus enabling them to continue to oppress. As long as I forgive my oppresssors they will not only continue to oppress me, but they will secretly call me a "chump." I know how they operate! The unfair laws of our nation enabled the oppressors of my hometown to take my family's 50-year-old home from us when my mother was an old woman and ill and while my brother and I were still in school, tryng to get an education and wihout sufficient funds. At the time, both my brother and I were veterans. My brother died homeless two years ago. I lost the house I later built with my own two hands, with my own sweat and labor, because the Pakistani manager of a U.S. restaurant where I had gone to eat deliberately crushed my foot because I refused to pay for food my ladyfriend and I did not order. I don't need any Jew, Christian or Muslim trying to tell me how to run my life. I don't believe in their god. Why should I?!!! My own people, my own country betrayed me! I have no intention of forgiving them. When I forgave them in the past they only continued running their steamrollers over me! I'm also tired of being metaphorically spit on and snearingly called "white" by the racist two-faced members of the rainbow coalition, who use the media to espose their hate and to encourage violence against me.
Rating: 
Summary: Forgiveness is ALWAYS the right choice.
Review: Arthur C. Clarke is, of course, mainly known for his stellar science fiction, but he has also published numerous volumes of non-fiction, and this is one of his better and more important works. There is so much information packed into this book it is unbelievable. Clarke details the early history of astronomy and astronomically and scientifically important concepts relating to future space flight in early science fiction works. He then goes on to describe the Moon, planets, and much of the solar system (and indeed, beyond) in detail, including possible ways of reaching and colonizing them and the various uses each would provide. Arthur also details the history of the space program (on both the American and Russian sides) up until the time the book was published. The reaching of the moon is explained in detail. He then spends quite a bit of time speculating (as always, on solid scientific ground), and he touches on many other important subjects along the way - Relativity, the usefulness of space exploration to the layman, early rocket history, and so much more. There are also several highly useful charts in the book (escape velocities of the various planets, the size, gravity, lenght of day and year, etc. for the various planets with respect to Earth, etc.) that serve to illustrate his words. The writing is never overly technical, but is written in such a way that anyone (from the layman to the scientist) can enjoy it and learn from it. It doubled my knowledge of astronomy. Highly recommended.
Rating:
Summary: The Courage to Redefine Forgiveness
Review: Having just emerged from a Kafkaesque nightmare where I was harassed, slandered and chased out of an intentional community by a sociopathic bully, Dr. Spring's insights are a balm to a tender soul. Having been the target of overt campaign of "shaming, shunning and ostracization" I struggled with many conflicting feelings. The injustice fed into fury and I plummeted into a spiralling anger, resentfulness and obsessional thinking. I resisted the facile advice of letting go or forgiving the offender. If only I could bring this man to justice, then I would feel better. When I heard Dr. Spring interviewed on NPR by Diane Rehm I recognized that my desire to "out" my offender would never lead to liberation and healing. I was entrapped in the quicksand of self-isolation and negativity. After reading this book I was able to reconnect with my "inner goodness" and come to that place of "Radical Acceptance." I suspect that I will always feel some pain around this incident in my life, however, by embracing acceptance and the grief this process evokes, I am free to move on and persevere with the aspects of life that nourish me. I will never allow anyone intervene between my heart and my inner goodness. For anyone who has been harmed intentionally or unconsciously by an abuser, bully or offender, this work is manna to the soul.
Rating:
Summary: We are fortunate to have Dr. Spring as our therapist.
Review: My husband and I have been counseled by Dr. Spring for over a year and we have also read both of her books. She has expertly guided us through the process of healing our marriage and we have grown closer than we have ever been in thirteen years. Her books are an excellent resource. After reading "After the Affair" I was prompted to contact her. I would highly recommend her first book and "How Can I Forgive You" to anyone struggling with infidelity issues. She is logical, rational, and understanding of both partners' issues. These are skills that she effectively utilizes in therapy with us. She keeps us focused and reminds us that our united goal is to make repairs in our marriage.
Rating:
Summary: Important Topic, but Book Left Me with Serious Questions
Review: This book deals with an important subject, but the conclusions reached by the author left me with serious questions. Dr. Spring rightly points out that many people almost reflexively offer "cheap forgiveness" to those who have deeply hurt them in order to smooth things over and try to put the pain behind them without adequately recognizing and addressing it. Similarly, the author is accurate when she points out that stubbornly refusing to forgive hurts the individual who was harmed, because it allows the anger and the pain to remain and to fester. Dr. Spring therefore concludes that satisfying unilateral forgiveness is impossible. Either the person who committed the wrong must admit his or her error and apologize to warrant forgiveness, or else the individual who was hurt must accept that the event occurred and somehow move on without a specific resolution to the episode. I find Dr. Spring's conclusion very puzzling. As we are well aware, it is the exception rather than the rule for a person whose actions hurt another to humbly confess his or her mistake and genuinely seek forgiveness. Therefore, if forgiveness is dependent on action by both parties, it will seldom occur. Yet, as the author herself admits, refusal to forgive is most detrimental to the person who was hurt. I do not believe that existing in a twilight zone of quasi-acceptance will heal the wounds of the individual who was hurt, as Dr. Spring suggests, nor do I agree with the author's assertion that it is impossible for an individual who has been hurt to fully forgive without some effort on the part of the person who caused the pain. On the contrary, true forgiveness is recognition that I have been wronged and that, by human standards, I "deserve" to nurse a grudge toward that person, but I choose to relinquish my "right" to remain vengeful and love him or her anyway. Forgiveness does not mean that I must remain with a spouse who remorselessly cheats on me, nor does it mean that I will allow myself to be taken advantage of. Rather, it is a recognition of my free will decision to set myself free from the chains of hate. I cannot think of anything in life more difficult than loving unconditionally, which is what forgiveness requires. Yet, as a Christian, I know that it is possible, because I recognize that I have wronged my Lord and Savior far worse than any other human can possibly hurt me. But my Lord has forgiven me completely and continually, without any strings attached, and since my substantial debt has been forgiven, my own failure to forgive anyone else's debt toward me is an absolute travesty.
Rating:
Summary: Important Topic, but Book Left Me with Serious Questions
Review: This book deals with an important subject, but the conclusions reached by the author left me with serious questions. Dr. Spring rightly points out that many people almost reflexively offer "cheap forgiveness" to those who have deeply hurt them in order to smooth things over and try to put the pain behind them without adequately recognizing and addressing it. Similarly, the author is accurate when she points out that stubbornly refusing to forgive hurts the individual who was harmed, because it allows the anger and the pain to remain and to fester. Dr. Spring therefore concludes that satisfying unilateral forgiveness is impossible. Either the person who committed the wrong must admit his or her error and apologize to warrant forgiveness, or else the individual who was hurt must accept that the event occurred and somehow move on without a specific resolution to the episode. I find Dr. Spring's conclusion very puzzling. As we are well aware, it is the exception rather than the rule for a person whose actions hurt another to humbly confess his or her mistake and genuinely seek forgiveness. Therefore, if forgiveness is dependent on action by both parties, it will seldom occur. Yet, as the author herself admits, refusal to forgive is most detrimental to the person who was hurt. I do not believe that existing in a twilight zone of quasi-acceptance will heal the wounds of the individual who was hurt, as Dr. Spring suggests, nor do I agree with the author's assertion that it is impossible for an individual who has been hurt to fully forgive without some effort on the part of the person who caused the pain. On the contrary, true forgiveness is recognition that I have been wronged and that, by human standards, I "deserve" to nurse a grudge toward that person, but I choose to relinquish my "right" to remain vengeful and love him or her anyway. Forgiveness does not mean that I must remain with a spouse who remorselessly cheats on me, nor does it mean that I will allow myself to be taken advantage of. Rather, it is a recognition of my free will decision to set myself free from the chains of hate. I cannot think of anything in life more difficult than loving unconditionally, which is what forgiveness requires. Yet, as a Christian, I know that it is possible, because I recognize that I have wronged my Lord and Savior far worse than any other human can possibly hurt me. But my Lord has forgiven me completely and continually, without any strings attached, and since my substantial debt has been forgiven, my own failure to forgive anyone else's debt toward me is an absolute travesty.
Rating:
Summary: Fresh, healthy way to look at forgiveness
Review: This book is fantastic. Instead of the typical "forgive or don't forgive" as being your only two options, it gives you a way to deal with, get over, and release yourself from past hurts. It's not always possible to forgive someone who's hurt you if they haven't shown any effort to repair the damage, and choosing not to forgive them simply poisons your life. This book teaches another alternative, acceptance, and walks you through the exercises needed to "get over" past hurts. One thing I really like is that it also helps you re-examine the things that have happened to you and look at them in an honest, broader scope. Bottom line--I think it's going to dramatically help me heal the numerous past hurts I've been hanging onto once I go through each exercise, and I'd highly recommend it!
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