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Summary: Practical Pointers for Problem Parents
Review: I have read several books and articles on the subject of children providing care for their ailing parents. This book is the first I have read that addresses the challenges of the interpersonal relationship between a grown child and an emotionally-draining parent. All the other books have dealt with the physical ailments of aging, or the individual challenge of being a caregiver.The authors address several different types of interaction between a grown child and parent that are common today. Any reader frustrated with a difficult parent will find some area of this volume to which he can relate. The authors are quick to emphasize that since parents can't be made to change, the only hope for improving the relational situation is in changing as grown children. Role-playing is frequently used to illustrate "before" behavior, then to illustrate "after" behavior as a result of using the specific principle suggested. The authors also encourage developing a mental strategy that plans ahead for confrontational situations. By identifying certain phrases and comments that trigger stress, the grown child can redirect the conversation and move it in a healthier direction for both parties. This book does not address responding to serious diseases with parents, the decision of a nursing home, or major financial frustrations. It does deal with the constant irritation that can and often does develop between an aging parent and a grown child. I recommend it highly to all persons who are dealing with the stress resulting from interacting with a difficult, older parent.
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Summary: Sent to my dear Mother
Review: I ordered this book for my dear Mother who is having a time with her Mother in Kansas City. Grandma "Honey' is stubborn and sometimes argumentative and has grown negative in her old age. All she does now is eat 3 times a day and sit and watch Jerry Springer- isn't that terrible ! The word I get from Mother dear is this book has been very,very helpful.
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Summary: Coping With Your Difficult Older Parent
Review: I read the whole book hoping somewhere there would be some helpful advice for my difficult parents. Obviously the authors haven't met any problems like mine. The solutions were very general and totally unhelpful. The best I could glean from all of it was to try to not let your parents drag you down with them. It didn't really offer any solutions for the problems. Thanks for nothing--a waste of money!!
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Summary: A Great Help for a Difficult Mother In Law
Review: My mother-in-law has been a constant source of torment for my husband since I've known him. Not being able to see beyond the pain we felt from her hurtful words, angry words and defensive reactions were par for the course on a weekly basis. In reading just the first 4 chapters, we already have been able to see the pattern of negativity we have contributed to over the years, rationalize the reasons behind her anger (mostly self-image) and have learned some tactics and language that we have used successfully to diffuse difficult conversations and her angry e-mails! This is a must read for anyone with a difficult parent, to help you see the forest beyond the trees and at least be able to communicate peaceably and enjoy the time you have left.
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Summary: Honest Treatment of Difficult Subject
Review: No one wants to be labled "difficult"...not the elder and not the caregiver. At times, they both can be. As a fellow author dealing with senior issues and caregiver conflict, I admire the balanced approach that Lebow and Kane take in this practical book. The emphasis on the ability to change MY behavior, not others'and the practical steps one can take to change are effectively handled. I highly recommend this book.
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Summary: Should be a big help to "stressed out" children.
Review: The authors have generously revealed their techniques for coping with common (or uncommon)familial crises. They lean heavily on psychological methods--searching for causes in order to find solutions. The examples of "grownchildren"'s problems make fascinating reading. While addressed primarily to children, parents may find it worthwhile to read as a test for their own behavior.
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Summary: Excellent, Highly Recommended!
Review: There are very few books on the subject of managing difficult elders and this is one of the best. Real situations that every adult child or caregiver can relate to with workable solutions to make it easier. You will realize that you are not alone, others have gone before you and survived, and you feel hope again that it can all be managed. Another great book on this subject is "Elder Rage or, Take My Father...Please!"
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Summary: excellent guide based on sound theories of human behavior
Review: This book applies sound theories of human behavior to the relationship issues between generations. The relationship between the older, difficult parent and the grownchild is fraught with potential for unhappy, even dangerous living conditions. This book clears the air. The authors advise refocusing on the relationship between parent and grownchild rather than indulging in anger, guilt or other unproductive emotions toward the parent. The elderly parent may not be amenable to change. But the relationship can change if the grownchild becomes aware of, and is willing to change his/her part in maintaining a fruitless pattern. Thus the relationship can be molded to a more satisfactory shape by an insightful reader who modifies his response to his parent following the suggestions in the book. The reader freed from patterns that may date back to early childhood is in control of how this cornerstone relationship with parents is conducted. The explicit suggestions in this book show how to do this - how to set boundaries, depersonalize, empathize and above all to understand the parent's behavior rather than react to it. Such change can affect not only the elderly parent/grown child relationship, but other relationships in the grown child's life as well. Thus, this book suggests the difficult, but necessary, basic changes that can improve our emotional health. Some may need a professional companion to help them apply the principles of the book. The book, however, may be enough for many intelligent readers puzzled by the problems their elderly parents present. The suggestions are concrete, backed up by good case examples and specific to a clientele with which the authors are very familiar. It is a must read for anyone trying to cope with any difficulties the older parent presents, or even anyone hoping not to become a difficult parent. It is also a must read for eldercare professionals who need understanding and practical tips for the problems of this ever increasing population.
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Summary: Easy to read and extremely insightful
Review: This book is enjoyable and easy to read. I read through cover-to-cover in one evening. The examples describing each "difficult behavior" were fun to read and helped relate the message in a very understandable way. The book makes an effort to deal with specific problem behaviors in a way that helps most children. Obviously, in 198 pages the authors cannot cover EVERY situation in-depth, but they do a wonderful job of grouping behaviors into broader categories which you will most likely find that your problems with your parent fit in to. I am currently a student earning my PhD in psychology, so I feel that it is important to remember that reading a book will not solve your problems- the book makes this point very thoroughly. The problem will take a lot of time and effort on your part, and possibly professional counseling, but this book is an excellent starting point. I think some people might NOT like the book because it asks the reader to take responsibility and change the only aspect of the parent-child relationship that you can- yourself. If you are looking for the book to say "you are right- your parent is wrong" you will not find that here. What you will find is how to get out of arguing with your parent, how to deflect constant criticism, and how to keep your own life and caring for your parent balanced. In summary- this book is enjoyable, easy to read, insightful, and helpful, but obviously cannot solve your problem overnight.
Rating:
Summary: Easy to read and extremely insightful
Review: This book is enjoyable and easy to read. I read through cover-to-cover in one evening. The examples describing each "difficult behavior" were fun to read and helped relate the message in a very understandable way. The book makes an effort to deal with specific problem behaviors in a way that helps most children. Obviously, in 198 pages the authors cannot cover EVERY situation in-depth, but they do a wonderful job of grouping behaviors into broader categories which you will most likely find that your problems with your parent fit in to. I am currently a student earning my PhD in psychology, so I feel that it is important to remember that reading a book will not solve your problems- the book makes this point very thoroughly. The problem will take a lot of time and effort on your part, and possibly professional counseling, but this book is an excellent starting point. I think some people might NOT like the book because it asks the reader to take responsibility and change the only aspect of the parent-child relationship that you can- yourself. If you are looking for the book to say "you are right- your parent is wrong" you will not find that here. What you will find is how to get out of arguing with your parent, how to deflect constant criticism, and how to keep your own life and caring for your parent balanced. In summary- this book is enjoyable, easy to read, insightful, and helpful, but obviously cannot solve your problem overnight.
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