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Summary: The Catch-22 of Mothering Boys: Caught in the Middle
Review: Pollack's treatise of a very important issue is not only a timely one but is on the mark in many ways. Much of this very cogent book carries the basic theme of boys who are very sad, lonely, at risk and out of touch with others. Dr. Pollack wisely points out that when something happens to a girl that is unfair or even traumatic she is socialized to talk to a friend or another girl about it. Boys do not talk to each other about such things except in a competitive way which has to do both with their socialization process as well as their biology. As a family therapist in private practice, an assistant professor at MCP-Hahnemann University 's Department of Mental Health Sciences, I am aware of the many myths surrounding gender - what defines manhood and womanhood. I, too, believe that we are a world in danger of abandoning our important task of raising, caring responsible children. What I notice and wish to be able to address with the author is the way I as a woman and a mother felt that my son was "wretched from me", by a society that does not value close mother-son relationships. My thought is this; the more fathers can be in their sons life nurturing up close as well as guiding them from a distance, the less need there will be to rescue. Unfortunately we live in a society that has a tendency to devalue even denigrate nurturing behaviors. What's more, the two behaviors, fostering independence and nurturing have been seen as two different and separate sorts of things. Nurturing has been equated with molly-coddling. What's up with that? Let's start not just with mothers who seem always to be the persons we blame. Let's consult the media shapers in advertising and industry and do a real campaign. Through this book, "Real Boys", which did so much to open my eyes to the width, depth and breadth of this problem, we have a start. I agree that we have to do something to revise the myths. Bravo, Dr. Pollack.
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Summary: A MASTERPIECE
Review: All I can say is that ive never read a book that brought this many tears to my eyes...now thanks to this book I can see behind the facade many of my boys wear, hopefully I can invoke their best....most importantly I would recommend that you practice the priciples in this book...you will be amazed the way your boy SHINES!
Rating:
Summary: excellent book
Review: While Reviewing the book Real Boys by Dr. William Pollack (1998) I realized that our society is holding boys to contradictory standards aiding the problems that many of them face while in adolescence. Dr.Pollack not only gives us the problems that face the adolescent boy he also gives us suggestions to remedy and rectify the situation. This is nice instead of simply offering negative statements he actually offers the reader a solution. Another beneficial aspect of Dr. Pollack's writing is the fact that he uses so many references to his research and the research of other notable psychologists instead of over emphasizing the personal instances in his own life. When he wants to emphasize a point with a real life person, he uses a third party. I believe this is very effective in gaining a sense of trust and respect with the reader. When speaking of these contradictory codes that a young boys is taught to live by, Dr. Pollack says: "Boys have had to learn to walk a fine line. Have intimacy without sentimentality, have closeness without long conversations, and empathy without words" (p. 372). This is impossible for anyone to achieve and especially difficult when a young man is being taught by society that this is the key to becoming a true man. Dr. Pollack does not leave us guessing though; he offers us eight things we can do to avoid this gender labeling. He also offers us many suggestions to become closer to our boys and aid in opening the lines of communication. This, along with the numerous examples of actual boys and their individual situation make us feel trusting in the advice Dr. Pollack gives.
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Summary: Real Boys : Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood
Review: The author writes about his research findings from his study of boys and their emotional life. He explains the "boy code" and how society imposes a "gender straightjacket" on boys. The expectation is that boys are not to be emotionally expressive, otherwise they may be viewed as less than masculine, that those that are interested in art, music, or anything other than sports are viewed as "sissies", and that the educational system is heavily biased towards girl's learning style, which is, to learn by listening and seeing, rather than the boy's style, which is generally, learn by doing. The author sites that boys are suffering from depression on an epidemic proportion. This depression is a consequence of not being able to freely experience their feelings of sadness, loneliness, etc, and the innability to express these feelings to friends or family for fear of being shamed. The author states that boy's acting out and what often is seen as disciplinary problems, often are rooted in legitimate emotional needs that are not being met. The author recommends that parents and society begin to accept boys in the full spectrum of human emotion, that they be freed from the "gender straightjacket" much as women have been progressing towards being freed of our own in the last decades. He urges parents to stay connected to their boys, always available to listen empathically, acknowledging the difficulties the boys encounter in their dayly life. We are to make our homes safe havens where boys can be themselves and safely talk about and express feelings and concerns. In this I'm remimded of one of Mother Teresas's famous sayings: "Make the home a center of compassion and forgive endlessly". We are to encourage and sponsor boy relationships with friends of both sexes, so that they may develop relationships of greater emotional intimacy and support. We are to guard against coaches and teachers who shame boys when they make mistakes or fail. Parents must stay involved in their son's activities whether in school or in sports to make sure they are in a supportive environment, helping school personnel to abandon the "gender straightjacket" mentality by sponsoring workshops in the schools, and talking to other parents and teachers about the myths of boyhood and the need to free our sons from it. I've come away from this book with the feeling that the author really cares about boys and the difficulties they are encountering, he makes a passionate plea to society to help boys by shedding our gender stereotypes and begin accepting a full range of personal expression. This book makes a lot of sense, it seems that we should be able to put into practice its common sense suggestions to the benefit of all, specially our boys.
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Summary: Every parent of a son should read this book
Review: Being a first time mother of a son, I felt unprepared to deal with the issues that he will face everyday. I felt more comfortable with preparing my daughter in regard to the issues she will face, since I am a woman and felt that I at least have a point of reference. Dr. Pollack's book has enlightened me tremendously on the difficulties my son will face with "the boy code" and the "mask" he will eventually wear. He also has given me the tools as a parent to deal effectively with my son and also to be more empathetic to the difficulties of being a boy, in a time where he will be asked to be open and giving of his feelings in a female world and then also to thrive in the male "don't be a wimp" world. Thanks to the good doctor for helping me feel more confident in raising my son.
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Summary: Getting Rid of the Shackles of Boyhood
Review: This book gripped me from the first chapters, which explained how the myths of boyhood not only strips boys of the ability to express emotion, but how this inability ends up limiting their potential. This book is a remarkably easy read, and I have a hunch that it was written for laypersons such as myself. Dr. Pollack does a fine job convincing the reader that in order to make things better for boys, we will have to be willing to spend a lot of time more wisely with our boys. We will also have to be willing to give up the myths of boyhood in order to raise the stronger, more participatory men that help make better communities. For those whose initial kneejerk reaction would be that this is a rebuttal to all of the studies published in the 1990's regarding the self esteem of girls, well, it isn't. Although he disagrees with some of the outcomes of certain studies of viewpoints, Pollack does so politely, briefly, and without being accusatory. After reading this book (and having read all the studies in the 1990's about girls), I understand, that in order to raise strong, participatory children, one has to be willing to shed the myths of both boyhood and girlhood, which in the long term burn us out. Perhaps the subtitle of this book should be:Think, Listen, Think, Listen, and Guide"
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Summary: For Every Parent And Teacher of Boys
Review: I'm raising two preadolescent sons and this book has been enormously helpful to me in gaining perspective of that other sex! Although I'm a feminist I have long believed we are helping our girls but making our boys fend for themselves. Thanks for an excellent read.
Rating:
Summary: Excellent source for emotionally dry men & parents of boys
Review: This book is an excellent source for parents of boys, as well as, for men who desire to know why we act they way we do. The author has definitely helped me understand the relationships I now have with my mother and father. I will utilize his many suggestions to develop my relationship with my sons and help them to become secure with their own emotions. Also, the author does a fairly good job at narration. I will refer to these tapes often as my boys grow.
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Summary: Beginning of a New Movement
Review: This book is a refreshing change, finally focusing on the issue of boys. Men--dads and sons--are the invisible people in this country, rarely getting any attention...until it's too late--a shooting rampage or a Littleton incident brings the issue to light. Pollack brings these issues to light and exposes the evils of the extraordinary expectations we've put on our sons...and the incredible myths that prevail ("boys will be boys..." driven by nature and uncontrollable). This is a movement--for sons and fathers--that may be showing signs of emerging...If you believe these are critical issues, check out the book Raising a Son (author?) and the boys chapters in The PC Dads Guide to Becoming a Computer Smart Parent (Ivey), which talks about raising a son in the "age of entertainment." With books like Real Boys there's "real hope" for all of us.
Rating:
Summary: Excellent book!!!
Review: After reading the book twice, I must say this is truly an exceptional book, hitting the nail on the head. Every boy and for that matter guy, will get something great out of it. Essential issues about self-worth and things that affect us guys too, are addressed with solutions as the author William Pollack is blunt. Another book that I highly recommend for every guy to read and which has helped me tremendously as it builds self-esteem, and discusses all kinds of subjects on life head on, and it's an encouraging book is Dietmar Scherf's "I Love Me: Avoiding & Overcoming Depression" also available at Amazon.
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