Rating: 
Summary: THE BEST "DANCE" BOOK YET!
Review: "I've read all of Harriet Lerner's books starting with The Dance of Anger which has been my relationship bible. But The Dance of Connection is her best book yet. Lerner is wise and helpful, funny and real. The chapters that meant the most to me was one on clarifying a bottom line and another about "voicing the ultimate" in marriage. I finally got the difference between complaining and being able to take a clear position with my husband--and stay with it. Together with the chapter on warming things up, this book has already made a huge difference in my marriage. I was also fascinated by the author's revealing story about her dad's silence and how it effected the family. There's terrific advice on how to "find your voice"--and what to do and say--when you are rejected and cut off by a family member.
Rating:
Summary: THE BEST "DANCE" BOOK YET!
Review: "I've read all of Harriet Lerner's books starting with The Dance of Anger which has been my relationship bible. But The Dance of Connection is her best book yet. Lerner is wise and helpful, funny and real. The chapters that meant the most to me was one on clarifying a bottom line and another about "voicing the ultimate" in marriage. I finally got the difference between complaining and being able to take a clear position with my husband--and stay with it. Together with the chapter on warming things up, this book has already made a huge difference in my marriage. I was also fascinated by the author's revealing story about her dad's silence and how it effected the family. There's terrific advice on how to "find your voice"--and what to do and say--when you are rejected and cut off by a family member.
Rating:
Summary: Helped me a lot!
Review: A wonderful book, which I just read over the weekend. I was looking for something which would help me deal with a relationship which was basically ending because of my "overreactions" to my partner's interractions with other women, which I perceived as too intimate (and I didn't believe he was honest in his motivations).
I wish I had read this book earlier - I may have approached the whole situation differently, and possibly even have saved the relationship (too late for that now). But at least it helped me feel that I wasn't crazy, possessive, or jealous - I've hated that I've been behaving that way, not me at all - but that my feeling of being threatened was perfectly valid.
I keep the book by my bed, and re-read certain parts when those thoughts that maybe I was the one that "destroyed" the relationship are trying to surface and keep me awake!
Thanks Harriet. I plan to read your other Dance of books!
Rating: 
Summary: Cannot rate because...although "good idea"...
Review: And of course I believe everyone can benefit by learning "emotional intellectualism" and how to "fight fair"--just for their own personal evolution, etc. --However, I also know from bitter personal experience, that one can reach out, send hugs, letters, gifts, cards, calls, not expect (nor even desire) an apology from someone who really is at fault, really has hurt and/or betrayed you in some way--and all you want to say is "ouch, please don't do "x" cause it hurts me"--only to find that no amount of logic, love, communication and/or caring can make that other human care and/or reciprocrate--or even listen to one for that matter--but the worst is when this even includes ones' closest and most intimate blood relatives. The deepest cut is when the person you're attempting to reach is your own supposedly superior, intellegent, PhD-educated, IBM veteran father and your three grown (all 30-50 year old) college educated, professional, so-called "successful" brothers. But each and every effort on my part to communicate (so far anyway--5 years now--but "never say never" I guess--but let's face it--it's going to be "never"--My own mom died when I was 7 and there's no one to support or take my side now) has met with either NO response (best scenario), or else my letters/gifts returned by the PostMan, unopened and marked "refused by sender" (a little worse)--or (worst case scenario) you get horrible ranting hostile personal attacking email, or phone call which attacks you personally as being "unfit" or "bad" human deserving of nothing good--and completely failing to address the hurt one had originally mentioned, and attempted to resolve--just adding a myriad of new painful hostilie attacks on one instead. I never believed one's own father could choose his ego/pride over his only daughter's heart and soul--but I was wrong. I am a living example that sometimes..."sh-t happens." And you cannot stop it. Unfair "sh-t" happens and you're powerless to prevent and/or resolve it. A relationship involves 2 people. 1 person cannot fix it. No matter how hard she might try or desire it otherwise. And that is a pain I hope no one else (although I'm sure there must be some) has to share with me. Just a word to the "wise..." (and/or "ignorant"--as the case may be) Thanks! And don't stop trying anyway, ok? Shalom, to all my human brothers and sisters--all human siblings everywhere...
Rating:
Summary: Cannot rate because...although "good idea"...
Review: And of course I believe everyone can benefit by learning "emotional intellectualism" and how to "fight fair"--just for their own personal evolution, etc. --However, I also know from bitter personal experience, that one can reach out, send hugs, letters, gifts, cards, calls, not expect (nor even desire) an apology from someone who really is at fault, really has hurt and/or betrayed you in some way--and all you want to say is "ouch, please don't do "x" cause it hurts me"--only to find that no amount of logic, love, communication and/or caring can make that other human care and/or reciprocrate--or even listen to one for that matter--but the worst is when this even includes ones' closest and most intimate blood relatives. The deepest cut is when the person you're attempting to reach is your own supposedly superior, intellegent, PhD-educated, IBM veteran father and your three grown (all 30-50 year old) college educated, professional, so-called "successful" brothers. But each and every effort on my part to communicate (so far anyway--5 years now--but "never say never" I guess--but let's face it--it's going to be "never"--My own mom died when I was 7 and there's no one to support or take my side now) has met with either NO response (best scenario), or else my letters/gifts returned by the PostMan, unopened and marked "refused by sender" (a little worse)--or (worst case scenario) you get horrible ranting hostile personal attacking email, or phone call which attacks you personally as being "unfit" or "bad" human deserving of nothing good--and completely failing to address the hurt one had originally mentioned, and attempted to resolve--just adding a myriad of new painful hostilie attacks on one instead. I never believed one's own father could choose his ego/pride over his only daughter's heart and soul--but I was wrong. I am a living example that sometimes..."sh-t happens." And you cannot stop it. Unfair "sh-t" happens and you're powerless to prevent and/or resolve it. A relationship involves 2 people. 1 person cannot fix it. No matter how hard she might try or desire it otherwise. And that is a pain I hope no one else (although I'm sure there must be some) has to share with me. Just a word to the "wise..." (and/or "ignorant"--as the case may be) Thanks! And don't stop trying anyway, ok? Shalom, to all my human brothers and sisters--all human siblings everywhere...
Rating:
Summary: Cannot rate because...although "good idea"...
Review: And of course I believe everyone can benefit by learning "emotional intellectualism" and how to "fight fair"--just for their own personal evolution, etc. --However, I also know from bitter personal experience, that one can reach out, send hugs, letters, gifts, cards, calls, not expect (nor even desire) an apology from someone who really is at fault, really has hurt and/or betrayed you in some way--and all you want to say is "ouch, please don't do "x" cause it hurts me"--only to find that no amount of logic, love, communication and/or caring can make that other human care and/or reciprocrate--or even listen to one for that matter--but the worst is when this even includes ones' closest and most intimate blood relatives. The deepest cut is when the person you're attempting to reach is your own supposedly superior, intellegent, PhD-educated, IBM veteran father and your three grown (all 30-50 year old) college educated, professional, so-called "successful" brothers. But each and every effort on my part to communicate (so far anyway--5 years now--but "never say never" I guess--but let's face it--it's going to be "never"--My own mom died when I was 7 and there's no one to support or take my side now) has met with either NO response (best scenario), or else my letters/gifts returned by the PostMan, unopened and marked "refused by sender" (a little worse)--or (worst case scenario) you get horrible ranting hostile personal attacking email, or phone call which attacks you personally as being "unfit" or "bad" human deserving of nothing good--and completely failing to address the hurt one had originally mentioned, and attempted to resolve--just adding a myriad of new painful hostilie attacks on one instead. I never believed one's own father could choose his ego/pride over his only daughter's heart and soul--but I was wrong. I am a living example that sometimes..."sh-t happens." And you cannot stop it. Unfair "sh-t" happens and you're powerless to prevent and/or resolve it. A relationship involves 2 people. 1 person cannot fix it. No matter how hard she might try or desire it otherwise. And that is a pain I hope no one else (although I'm sure there must be some) has to share with me. Just a word to the "wise..." (and/or "ignorant"--as the case may be) Thanks! And don't stop trying anyway, ok? Shalom, to all my human brothers and sisters--all human siblings everywhere...
Rating:
Summary: Very helpful and user-friendly.
Review: As a therapist, I am sensitive to the issue of my clients finding their voices and speaking their truths. Dr. Lerner has given an elegant little textbook that nicely illustrates my points. I have prescribed this book many times to clients, and also suggested it to friends and family.
Rating:
Summary: Very helpful and user-friendly.
Review: As a therapist, I am sensitive to the issue of my clients finding their voices and speaking their truths. Dr. Lerner has given an elegant little textbook that nicely illustrates my points. I have prescribed this book many times to clients, and also suggested it to friends and family.
Rating:
Summary: Harriet Lerner Writes the Dance of Empathy and Understanding
Review: Harriet Lerner has written a book that speaks to the best in all of us. She speaks of being able to feel, think, and speak at the same time, or at least in some reasonable time frame.
She deals with issues of hurt, anger, resentment, individuation, autonomy so well, while at the same time respecting relationships, and learning to foster more intimate ones. There is nothing "gamey" about her advice, nothing manipulative, no oneupmanship, no proving, just honesty and caring in a respectful way.
There are so many self-help books around on relationships that get people in more trouble than they were before. Dr. Lerner has succeeded in providing wisdom, humility, humor and understanding so that people can grow and develop throughout the life cycle.
Rating:
Summary: Harriet Lerner Writes the Dance of Empathy and Understanding
Review: Harriet Lerner has written a book that speaks to the best in all of us. She speaks of being able to feel, think, and speak at the same time, or at least in some reasonable time frame.
She deals with issues of hurt, anger, resentment, individuation, autonomy so well, while at the same time respecting relationships, and learning to foster more intimate ones. There is nothing "gamey" about her advice, nothing manipulative, no oneupmanship, no proving, just honesty and caring in a respectful way.
There are so many self-help books around on relationships that get people in more trouble than they were before. Dr. Lerner has succeeded in providing wisdom, humility, humor and understanding so that people can grow and develop throughout the life cycle.
|
