Rating: 
Summary: An eye opener, both for me and partner.
Review: A very useful book, but it also emphasizes/idealizes the fact that these are one sided relationships, and that you are involved with a person who has an enormous difficulty becoming close with or identifying with others. It provided me with the clarity to see that at least the relationship I was in was not working, and that my partner would never realize my sacrifices in the name of "our" life, nor be in a position to reciprocate until she could trust me. The diservice this book does to the partner is it seems to downplay the frustration and rage that partners clearly expressed. This is an *extremely* difficult relationship to both be in and walk away from, and the author does not seem to address the anguish of the partner, only how the partner can stuff his/her feelings in the interest of helping the recovering partner get along. One fulfilled partner does not a relationship make, and a 5 year payoff is not guaranteed.
Rating: 
Summary: Allies In Healing - An Invaluable But Idealized Resource
Review: Allies in Healing is an excellent resouce for information. It filled a void when desparately needed. However in the book, I also found the role of "partner" was idealized and that the reality of dealing with a survivor in a relationship was much worse than anticipated. Trust, the essential ingredient for a loving-giving relationship, is continually questioned, continually under attack. Because it is "safe", anger, rage, even vengeful acts, triggered by earlier abuse, are vented on the partner. Unless great care is taken, a slippery slope of acceptance of the intolerable is initiated by the partner which will eventually doom the relationship. Laura Davis, in a future edition, could be more explicit as to how the "partner" can better protect themselves and thus give the relationship a better chance of surviving. There are hard to find groups for "partner's" which I found invaluable.
Rating:
Summary: Allies In Healing - An Invaluable But Idealized Resource
Review: Allies in Healing is an excellent resouce for information. It filled a void when desparately needed. However in the book, I also found the role of "partner" was idealized and that the reality of dealing with a survivor in a relationship was much worse than anticipated. Trust, the essential ingredient for a loving-giving relationship, is continually questioned, continually under attack. Because it is "safe", anger, rage, even vengeful acts, triggered by earlier abuse, are vented on the partner. Unless great care is taken, a slippery slope of acceptance of the intolerable is initiated by the partner which will eventually doom the relationship. Laura Davis, in a future edition, could be more explicit as to how the "partner" can better protect themselves and thus give the relationship a better chance of surviving. There are hard to find groups for "partner's" which I found invaluable.
Rating:
Summary: Wonderful Resource for BOTH survivors and their allies!
Review: As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I am grateful that Laura Davis complied all the information from her workshops for partners into this book. It should be required reading for anyone in a relationship with a survivor. There are so few resources for partners and the survivor can't explain it all. Healing is a two person job when you're in a relationship.The question and answer format makes it very user friendly. Read it cover to cover, or just pick it up when you feel puzzled. As the author suggests, I read it first and found that it gave me words to explain some topics that I thought I'd never be able to express. Sharing this book with my fiance was not easy. But it drew us closer together and opened the door for wonderfully insightful discussion. It also gave me insight into what it is like for someone in a relationship with me. I learned to be more patient and compassionate. Understanding the after effects of childhood molestation are not simple or easy, not just for me, but also for my partner. I love that Davis very forthrightly says that while not every relationship will thrive, there are wonderful benefits to being with a survivor. The partner is encouraged NOT to rescue or "fix" but rather to respect and grow with the survivor, perhaps even getting more in touch with their own wounded inner child and most importantly to get support for themselves. For anyone who is an ally of a survivor, this should be in your collection for sure! I turn to it again and again just as I do my now ragged copy of The Courage to Heal. It is not for the timid however. One should be serious about their relationship before sharing this book.
Rating:
Summary: Tough questions, honest answers.
Review: As others have observed, there are precious few resources for partners of incest survivors. This book helped me see that I was not alone, and that what I was feeling is "normal." It also helped me understand my partner's behavior, and to be empathetic. Sometimes the answers to tough questions aren't what you want to hear. But they are realistic, such as saying in some cases you are better off leaving the relationship. Ms. Davis' book has helped me to hang on and feel optimistic. Yes, I still feel like banging my head against the wall at times- but not as often.
Rating: 
Summary: Hyprocrisy in Action
Review: Having been a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I'm sure that the author is well versed in how it feels to be abused. However it is clear from reading this book that the author has no idea of what it is like to be a partner of an abuse victim. The entire book basically says that the abuse survivor needs to be in therapy and that whatever the survivor needs the partner should give. This goes for decisions about sex (get used to no sex), work, and relationship issues. Basically the survivor is seen as too damaged to handle any stress and so all personal responsibility is absolved and the partner is expected to conceed all. Does the author not see the hypocrisy? What made the abuse wrong in the first place was the lack of choice and consent in the act. If the survivor then grows up, remembers the abuse, and goes on to demand all power in the relationship due to their abuse (i.e., the survivor gets to make all decisions regarding when/where/how sex will happen) how is this not just like the original abuse? I know! Unlike the author I lived this scenario as a partner of a abuse survivor. My abused partner first started making demands in bed, and as she found this to be a powerful tool in ANY argument went on to claim the abuse as an issue in ANY argument we had. Suddenly the abuse became a reason not to give a massage, not to go camping, etc. Power corrupts, and given a trump card of unimaginable power that cannot be argued with I watched my girlfriend go on to use and abuse this power. This book mentions nothing about this and always assumes that the survivor is right in whatever they want. I sympathize with survivors, I really do. I'm sorry it happened...., in my opinion. But bad things happen to lots of people. I cannot see how a complete lack of personal responsibility helps a survivor. What I can and did see that eventually caused me to leave my girlfriend was a corruption of power. I left her when she started to call me an abuser because I would not do exactly what she wanted when she wanted me to. I can't recommend a better book, but I certainly know that there is no way I want to end up a slave to an abused partner like most of the 'case histories' suggest will happen. (Boy, there were some pathetic people portrayed in this section of the book, and I'm not talking about the abused!)
Rating:
Summary: An allie and a survivor
Review: I am a survior who is also an ally in healing. This book is quite good in helping you to help others. It is written by one of the authors of Courage in Healing. I recommend reading this book if you are trying to help someone who is a survivor
Rating:
Summary: An allie and a survivor
Review: I am a survior who is also an ally in healing. This book is quite good in helping you to help others. It is written by one of the authors of Courage in Healing. I recommend reading this book if you are trying to help someone who is a survivor
Rating:
Summary: More drivel
Review: I am very familar with the work of Ms. Davis and her counter part, Ms. Bass. Collectively they have done significant damage to the field of trauma treatment with their "checklists" of symptoms of sexual abuse and statements such as "if you think you've been abused, you probably have been." Together they layed the groundwork for the "False Memory Foundation" with their irresponsible and ill conceived formulations.
Rating:
Summary: Very helpful and revealing book
Review: I read this book when an ex-love told me he had been sexually abused as a child. It was a revelation as to why our relationship had such strange dynamics. The book clues you in on the effects of abuse, the healing process and what to expect from your partner. If you are wondering at all about the effects and consequences of childhood sexual abuse READ THIS. The book is also quite good at addressing the abuse of both men and women, making it useful for anyone in a relationship with a survivor. VERY HONEST AND REVEALING READ.
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