Toughlove

Rating:
Summary: Encouraging and practical help for exasperated parents
Review: I felt very encouraged after reading this book. As the "wicked step dad" to a 14 year old strong-willed boy, it was never easy getting him to do chores, homework, and keep his word.

The authors' practical experience with their own kids and dozens of other troubled kids shows how they went from frustration to a realistic and practical take-charge method. There are several case histories.

Their method is about accountability, taking a stand and sticking with it. It's also about parental peace of mind. It ISN'T about a military boot-camp mind set, mean-spiritedness, or being something you aren't.

My wife wished she had read the book a decade earlier, when she was treating her kid like a miniature adult, mostly in charge of his own life. He ended up being spoiled, selfish, and unreasonable as a teen.

Many years later now, he's matured, on his own, and we all have a good relationship, with mutual respect.

Parents have rights and needs, too!

Rating:
Summary: A Great Book For Parents Who Want to Turn Things Around
Review: I have had this book in my book case since the 1980's. Today it is shop worn as it has gone through so many parents hands. It was given to me when I was having trouble with my 14 year old daughter. Don't purchase this book if you want 'warm & fuzzy'. If you are still in the warm fuzzy zone then your problems will continue. This book is about getting you to face facts and start you off on a new journey. It is merely a guideline and I like the fact that they present the information in such a way that you and your teen have to do the work yourself. Why does everyone want to get off the hook? This book puts things in perspective and makes you deal with reality. It addresses the real issues and opens your eyes. If you are at your wits end with a teen that is acting out this is a great start-up book to help you identify your problems. It really shows how Tough Love can work. It also shows how we as parents find excuses for our children rather than deal with the real issues. This book helps you to start making yourself and your teen accountable for all actions and decisions. It's a winner in my eyes! It pulled me thru time and time again.

Rating:
Summary: A Great Book For Parents Who Want to Turn Things Around
Review: I have had this book in my book case since the 1980's. Today it is shop worn as it has gone through so many parents hands. It was given to me when I was having trouble with my 14 year old daughter. Don't purchase this book if you want 'warm & fuzzy'. If you are still in the warm fuzzy zone then your problems will continue. This book is about getting you to face facts and start you off on a new journey. It is merely a guideline and I like the fact that they present the information in such a way that you and your teen have to do the work yourself. Why does everyone want to get off the hook? This book puts things in perspective and makes you deal with reality. It addresses the real issues and opens your eyes. If you are at your wits end with a teen that is acting out this is a great start-up book to help you identify your problems. It really shows how Tough Love can work. It also shows how we as parents find excuses for our children rather than deal with the real issues. This book helps you to start making yourself and your teen accountable for all actions and decisions. It's a winner in my eyes! It pulled me thru time and time again.

Rating:
Summary: Help for frustrated parents of unruly teens
Review: I was so happy to read about feelings and experiences from this couple who are also having problems with their own teens. Even though they are experts at counceling other people with problems as therapists, when they started having trouble with their own kids and the "shoe was on the other foot" they could see that they needed a SOLUTION. As therapists they'd tried to find for other families, the root of the childs problem. After having their own teens become unruly, they are honest in saying that they needed a SOLUTION, not to find blame or the root of the problem. It has helped me to stop blaming myself and my husband for my kids bad behavior. That in itself has given me more strength to deal with the kids when they manipulate us. I got a lot out of their book. I feel like I'm not alone with this problem. And it gave me a whole new outlook on how to deal with the problem. The only thing that dissapoints me is that there is not a toughlove group in my state. And that is what is so stressed in the book, to get support from the group when you are using toughlove. Even so, I am very happy I found the book to read. If you are having problems with your teen, you should read it. I only wish I'd read it a couple years earlier.

Rating:
Summary: Help for frustrated parents of unruly teens
Review: I was so happy to read about feelings and experiences from this couple who are also having problems with their own teens. Even though they are experts at counceling other people with problems as therapists, when they started having trouble with their own kids and the "shoe was on the other foot" they could see that they needed a SOLUTION. As therapists they'd tried to find for other families, the root of the childs problem. After having their own teens become unruly, they are honest in saying that they needed a SOLUTION, not to find blame or the root of the problem. It has helped me to stop blaming myself and my husband for my kids bad behavior. That in itself has given me more strength to deal with the kids when they manipulate us. I got a lot out of their book. I feel like I'm not alone with this problem. And it gave me a whole new outlook on how to deal with the problem. The only thing that dissapoints me is that there is not a toughlove group in my state. And that is what is so stressed in the book, to get support from the group when you are using toughlove. Even so, I am very happy I found the book to read. If you are having problems with your teen, you should read it. I only wish I'd read it a couple years earlier.

Rating:
Summary: Doen't make it.
Review: If parents haven't yet accepted the fact that their child's dreadful behavior is the child's responsibility, then this book is probably helpful. For parents who have accepted this fact anf who need really practical advice, this book doesn't make it. Doesn't make it at all. All it says is "Go to a Toughlove support group."

Rating:
Summary: It condones child abuse
Review: Lies, lies, lies. I know of a case where a woman who is a total and utter verbal abuser, wealthy, has convinced her support group that SHE is the victim. She is a total victimizer. Her children are straight A students, no drugs, clean rooms, no trouble with authorities. But the trouble is her abusiveness...anyhow...the groups claim to not support physical and verbal abusiveness on the part of parents, but none of that has changed with this woman....Never does this book talk about child abuse. Never does it address that end of the coin. It never deals with educational neglect, other sorts of neglect on the part of parents. John Holt, a ten times better writer, parent, educator, PERSON that the folks that got this book ghost written (couldnt even write it themselves), said "THERE ARE NO PROBLEM CHILDREN WITHOUT PROBLEM PARENTS."

Rating:
Summary: A great wake up call for all parents
Review: This is an amazing book and an extremely helpful approach to parenting teenagers. I don't get it why people think they advocate abuse, it's the opposite it makes parents accountable for their behavior. The writers present great ideas and insight into the problems that are facing our families and communities because of destructive teenage behaviors. Great book!

Rating:
Summary: A great wake up call for all parents
Review: This is an amazing book and an extremely helpful approach to parenting teenagers. I don't get it why people think they advocate abuse, it's the opposite it makes parents accountable for their behavior. The writers present great ideas and insight into the problems that are facing our families and communities because of destructive teenage behaviors. Great book!

Rating:
Summary: What happens when civilization fails?
Review: Tough love is not for young people who respond to the support network we provide to help them with their problems and make them feel accepted. Does your young person trash the house, terrorize his/her parents with profanity, beatings and ejection from the house, deal dope, commit larceny or arson and sneer at all socialization? Then, your network is not working! In vain will you seek "techniques" of control, which do not apply here. The tough love method is not to condone uncivilized behavior but to initiate social action (courts, police, agencies) if necessary (and it usually is) and to let the young person take the consequences of his/her actions without interference, asserting that you love this person and stand ready to reward any repentance. The latter is usually a long time in coming. Meanwhile, you desperately require the support of your peers, and that is the reason for the group. Don't underestimate it. It may be all you have. The chance to share your specific problem with others possibly worse off is invaluable. Go to the group!