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Summary: #1 reference for parents going through divorce
Review: Not only did I read this as I was going through separation and divorce, I have picked it up numerous times since to refresh my memory and keep my priorities straight and my head & heart in the right place. Dr. Ricci's advice is just as useful as your needs change and your kids grow, too. If you have kids and are separating/divorcing, this book will walk you through every step, as well as give you immediately applicable information on setting up two homes for your children in the best possible way for them, and for you.
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Summary: Helps the kids find happiness
Review: Realistic for today's world. Sure, it would be nice if we all lived in the Leave-it-to-Beaver world with the white picket fence - but we don't. Instead of suffering guilt and pain, figure out how to make a shared parenting arrangement work for everyone. Even tells you what words and phrases are most beneficial. To maintan consistent discipline I'd also suggest: Perfect Parenting by Elizabeth Pantley - buy two copies and share one with your ex!
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Summary: This "textbook" sits on my reference shelf.
Review: The second edition is a welcome addition to my reference bookshelf, where the first edition has been sitting for two years, because I refer to it frequently.What it does is sort out the complexities of the whole process of disentangling and making a new life for yourself when you "break up", while maintaining a two-parent life for your children. It addresses the overwhelming decisions and crushing emotions that paralyze us, force us into hasty decisions and bad judgments, and send us running to someone else to make those decisions, or leave us depressed, immobile, or worse. Reading this book gave me a road map, a feeling that the author has seen thousands of people go through this process and can tell us what helps and what works. My experience is that this book works, I wish I had had it going INTO my marriage. There are no cure-alls here. Many of the suggestions take extensive time and thought, but the author persuaded me that if I didn't do it now, I'd still be dealing with the same issues in five or ten years. My stepchildren and lots of 30 and 40-year-olds are still dealing with their PARENTS' divorce. As soon as I started making lists for meetings, prioritizing my issues, ticking off the items in the parenting agreement that would and wouldn't be big issues in my particular situation, I felt better. Once in the process of working through my "family change" using the book, I understood that each small accomplishment builds you up for the next one and is basically creating your new life for you as you deal with the immediate issues of finances, custody, how to have a conversation with your ex, and how to recognize the parallel path your children are traveling with all of their specific problems (different from the parents'). This book gave me the confidence that if I just kept slogging through, eventually it would get me through the tying up of all those loose and messy ends that lie around for years. For those who want a decent divorce, to heal all family members as much as possible, and learn how to have better relationships, this book is the original guide. After reading twelve other books about divorce and family, I keep coming back to this one, the mother lode.
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Summary: A staple in my home!!!!
Review: This book has been a godsend! The insight that is brought to light in each chapter has made this book a staple in my home! So many times during the divorce process ugliness emerges when least expected. Having read this book has allowed me to avoid many potential bad encounters with the ex. This book will be the best investment you can make as you, and your children, go through the divorce process!
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Summary: Don't go through divorce without it!
Review: This book has been like a friend to me during difficult times. I recommend it to everyone who's going through the hardship of separation and not only wants the best for his or her children, but also has to deal with feelings of guilt over their children's future.
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Summary: How to survive the agonies of separation with children
Review: This book is a new, revised and updated edition of the book of the same name originally published in 1980. Dr. Ricci heads the Statewide Office of Family Court Services for California'as 82 family courts and has been a licensed marriage and family therapist for 22 years. The material for Mom's House, Dad's House came out of her experience as a therapist and mediator, teaching seminars and classes for divorcing parents. From her students and clients she learned how difficult and complex it could be for divorcing parents to pull away from their former intimate relationships and reorganize their lives. The present volume is a distillation of all that Dr. Ricci learned in those early and in subsequent years. Its goal is to inform divorcing, separated, or remarried parents on how to constructively heal the wounds of separation and establish a healthy new life for their children. Dr. Ricci argues that, contrary to traditionally accepted beliefs that divorce means destruction of the family, a new kind of really workable and satisfying family life can be created for a child while parents maintain separate residences. Reaching this state is, however, not easy. It involves an understanding by both parents of their mutual goals, and much hard work at "pre-separation boot camp" to actualize these goals. This is a painful process where former intimacy is replaced by a business-like approach with the needs of the child rather than those of the parents being paramount. The rewards to all parties are, however, enormous. Fortunately, as difficult as the process of separation may be, Dr. Ricci leads us through it in great detail, dissolving commonly held myths, describing the various stages of separation and the problems inherent in each, how to set up separate residences and still maintain a "family," and the path out of our irrational negative intimacy to a rational relationship. Her points are well-illustrated throug the felicitous and ample use of quotes from clients. Also included are sections on the all-important legal side of separation and divorce and how to make it work for you, the divorcing parent, rather than for attorneys. The basic elements of parenting plans and agreements "the most important legal document when it is filed" are well-described in great detail and are alone worth the price of the book. Post-separation problems include those of the parent who fades out of the picture and their possible re-entry into the family relationship are well-described as are the wherefores of developing an extended family and acquaintance network, long-distance parenting, and difficulties involved in moving on. remarriage, dealing with "flashbacks" to the original relationship and former family life, and all the other problems one is likely to encounter even years after a divorce. Finally, for the layman who wishes to know more and for the professional, there are sections of detailed chapter notes, further reading, and appendices on information for your child's school, how to find a knowledgeable attorney, the costs of raising children, ideas for customized private clauses for private contracts, a mediation confidentiality agreement,and a guide for choosing child care. An index completes this exceptionally well-written and edited book. I have no hesitation in highly recommending Mom's House, Dad's House to anyone contemplating or involved in separation from a marriage. Indeed, I would even consider it must reading for anyone thinking of having children, to educate them as to the seriousness of bringing a child into the world. After all, you may be the one in two couples whose relationship will end in separation. My only regret is that this book was not yet in print when I separated from a former wife years ago when we had two children. Much emotional trauma all around could have been avoided or ameliorated if we had had Dr. Ricci's wisdom and practical suggestions then. Separation and divorce will never be a pleasure for anyone with children, but armed with MOM'S HOUSE, DAD'S HOUSE, it no longer has to take its vicious emotional toll. In both my professional life as a psychiatrist and in my personal life, I recommend this book to everyone. Richard A. Blasband, M.D.
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Summary: Only worth the used book price.
Review: This book must have been written in a vacuum. Things are just not this simple as this book makes it look. Don't waste your money on this book. There are much better on the market. They cost more but they give you more.
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Summary: Every parent should read
Review: This is an excellent book that every parent should read. The book teaches you that divorce is like death and there are steps which must be taken in order to get through the process properly. I even gave a copy to my husband's ex-wife for Christmas.
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Summary: WHAT'S NEW IN and PRAISE FOR the Second Edition
Review: WHAT'S NEW IN THE SECOND EDITION
100 New Pages -- Five New Chapters -- A New Look
* Your Family: How to Rebuild Your Family Strength
* Family Mediation: Getting Help to Stay Out of Court
* How to Negotiate Effectively with the Other Parent
* Parenting Plans and Agreements: All the Basic Elements
* When an Absent Parent Returns: Things to consider
* For Professionals: Special Notes and Chapter Notes
NEW SECTIONS IN THE UPDATED CHAPTERS:
* More on how to deal with a difficult "ex"
* What to do when the going gets really tough
* Pre-separation "Boot Camp"
* The "H.I.R.T." test if an agreement is broken
* How to put "teeth" in a legal agreement
* How to make the best custody arrangements
* How to keep children out of the middle
* Special sections on infants and toddlers
* Danger signals to watch for in your children
* Healthy and not-so-healthy parenting patterns
* Reclaiming your hopes and dreams as a parent
* To move, or not to move away
* The new standards of conduct for parents today
* How to avoid becoming the neighborhood soap opera
* Never-married parents and remarried parents
* Building your family network
PRAISE FOR THE NEW EDITION "For 17 years, I have insisted that hundreds of my clients read and use MOM'S HOUSE, DAD'S HOUSE, the "Dr. Spock" of joint parenting books. The revised edition...is a must-have resource manual."
- Joel Edelman, lawyer, mediator, counselor and author of THE TAO OF NEGOTIATION "This is an upbeat, wise, eminently practical guide for divorcing parents...and...the professionals who help them. Highly recommended."
-Judith Wallerstein, Ph.D., author of SECOND CHANCES "In seventeen years of family practice, I've given many books to my parent clients, but none helped them heal like MOM'S HOUSE, DAD'S HOUSE. If you want ot strengthen the heart of your family...and come out of the divorce process a stronger, wiser, and more peaceful parent -- this book is your friend."
- John Kydd, family law attorney and Past President, Association of Family and Conciliation Courts "This is a wonderful book. In clear and eloquent language, Isolina Ricci charts a constructive course for divorcing parents. The chief benefactors of this modern classic will be the children."
-Richard Louv, author of CHILDHOOD'S FUTURE and THE WEB OF LIFE "This book should be a required textbook for every divorcing parent. If both parents would read even designated portions and have meaningful dialogue, it could result in the substantial reduction of stress in what is very often the most difficult period in one's life. At the same time it could help avoid or reduce the traumatic effects that divorce usually causes to the children."
-Michael J. Ostrow, President of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers "MOM'S HOUSE, DAD'S HOUSE is sensible, sensitive, and amazingly comprehensive: an invaluable resource from a pioneer in this field."
-Riane Eisler, author of THE CHALICE AND THE BLADE and THE PARTNERSHIP WAY. "MOM'S HOUSE, DAD'S HOUSE is a wonderful resource for parents before and after separation providing guidance about how to maintain their roles as parents so as to minimize the effect of the separation on their children. This book gives parents a road map of the problems which can arise, how to resolve them and, indeed, how to avoid them."
-Justice Donald B. King, California Court of Appeal (Retired)
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