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Summary: Downright Educational and Awakening!
Review: I have to say that I am currently in the process and almost finished reading the original Mom's House, Dad's House - Making Shared Custody Work and I cannot emphasize enough how much it has changed my belief system on shared placement (responsibilities). The very first page of Chap. 1 made me cry. My main concern was that our son (4 1/2) feel as though he had a place HE could call HOME. I felt that flip flopping back and forth on the current 5,5,2,2 day schedule was unstable for him. I feel as though an angel touched me on the shoulder and brought this book into my life. My view instantly changed about shared placement when the little girl from Chap. 1 responds to the businessman on the airplane that she has two "real" homes. I tear up thinking about each time. I no longer feel that our son should be placed primarily with me - that he will have 2 homes - 2 families and that is wonderful for him. I especially love the use of "rose" words and changing ! such terms of "visiting" to "living with" each parent. I have already implemented the use of these terms. The surveys are also wonderful self examinations that (if answered truthfully) will be so educational for you. The use of a "Parent Agreement" is also something I think is wonderful. I have already typed the initial draft and I plan to approach my child's father with it and get his input. It was great to see the different stages literally mapped out for you. I also enjoyed the chapter on changing your once intimate relationship into a business relationship and avoiding the negative intimacy that can be so prevalent in these situations and how to avoid "hot spots".I cannot emphasize how inspirational this book has been for me!! I would and do strongly recommend this book to anyone thinking about, in the process of, or in a post-divorce situation. I believe you are guaranteed to learn more than you could possibly expect to - but you! will. Just sit back - open your mind - and the education w! ill be unlimited!!! God bless all of you who are facing any part of a separation or divorce in your lives. My prayers are with all of you and your children.
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Summary: Nice book.
Review: I just needed something that reaches some broader topics. I have referred it to people who weren't facing all the problems I was. This is a nice book.
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Summary: My Handbook
Review: I think this is an extraordinarily valuable book. This was my guide through a very painful process, perhaps the single most difficult thing I've ever experienced. I think the book correctly takes the high road, and focuses on the right things. This book won't heal your hurts, it's not supposed to do that. It can help you get on with life. And, my circumstances were very, very painful - involving addiction, infidelity and deceit. I chose to be an adult, and keep my kids out of the process. Thanks to this book, I was able to avoid a lot of the "battling tops" games that typically arise in these situations. I got down to business, put my emotions in check, and got it done. And, I'm a MUCH happier person today. And, the proof is in the pudding: my kids about got STRAIGHT A's, DURING the divorce process. Their lives continued, while Mom and Dad figured it out, as adults, away from them. That's how it should be, they're the innocent victims. There were no games, no using the kids, no yelling. My ex and I crafted a very unique parenting plan, that was applauded by our attorneys AND the Judge.
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Summary: Isolina Ricci needs to come back to Earth from La-La land
Review: If parents can get along as well as Ricci purports in this book, then I don't see why they would have ever gotten divorced. While I do think that parents need to make the children a priority in divorce, this book can tend to make divorced parents feel like failures if they do miss their children when they are visiting the other parent or make custodial parents feel guilty for having primary custody. Her stories of how divorced mates still love each other and admire each other from afar and work together in harmony for the sake of the children tend to read more like a fairy tale than the reality of most divorce situations. This book fails to address issues of selfish parents and what to do with an ex spouse who is bitter and angry and consistently uses the child(ren) as a weapon(s). The book tends to villainize parents with primary custody, making them sound like selfish control freaks who only have their own interests at heart and not their child's. In most cases that I have seen, this is far from the truth and joint custody isn't nearly as rosy as Ricci claims it can be. If you can pull it off, I give you lots of credit. But very few divorced parents that I know can do this successfully.
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Summary: Don't look here for objective advice
Review: If you're committed to the idea of joint custody, this book is a handy guide. However, for those of us whose ex-spouses aren't up to the job--logistically, emotionally, psychologically, morally or geographically--this book does the serious disservice of presenting "primary parents" as vengeful, short-sighted and selfish. It's simply not so in many, many cases. Also, I question the assumption that all children thrive under and prefer shared custody arrangements. I've known several children (now adults) who've lived with these arrangements and have literally hated every minute. I'm not trashing shared custody--or this book, for that matter. But Ricci's perspective is not balanced; it's biased and, in my opinion, without credible evidence that this program is necessarily the best--or even humane--for all kids and their families.
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Summary: An indispensible guide
Review: In the process of my divorce, I checked every resource I could find - in libraries, at the book store, publications from organizations... Most of them I skimmed and saved references to the useful information. This was about the only book that made me stop and read it from cover to cover. It's incredibly complete, with realistic advice on how to approach each situation that arises.
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Summary: The Fallacy of Mom's House Dad's House
Review: Mom's House, Dad's House by Isolina Ricci: I did not find this book remotely helpful and, by contrast, found it did a diservice to the process in which I was engaged when my ex walked out on my kids and me. Parents who can get along as well as Ricci purports ought not to have divorced in the first place (read Hendrix for more info on keeping the love you find). When a divorce is an action of intentional abuse, as many are (an affair is abusive as is the "walk-away" concept), and is an act of grossly misdirected anger, no amount of co-parenting, negotiation, or mediation will ever effect an equally loving, shared responsibility toward the children nor will it effect any healing between the estranged parent and the grieving children. Ricci's book and her advice simply makes for more frustration and heartache to hope that a fundamentally abusive person could offer the kind of nurturing, structure, and love that a child needs (and be willing to keep up his end of an agreement). I think that Mom's House, Dad's House by Isolina Ricci does a huge diservice to those Moms who really ARE working their tails off to do the best possible job of parenting their children and I think it also misguidedly reinforces the notion that shared custody is healthier for children in all situations. It is not. The best family has an intact marriage where couples are willing to go the last mile to openly communicate and treat each other with respect and equality in working out inevitable power struggles. If two people can do what she purports in this book, they ought never to have divorced in the first place. Divorce is mostly (though not always) an immature way to deal with relationships and parenting. True growth happens within the context of commitment to the marriage and to the children. This book is also somewhat "anti-woman" since we often end up with sole custody. While this approach may work in a handful of split families, this is a highly unrealistic view of post-divorce life and seems to be more of a text designed to earn money for the author than to provide help for families.
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Summary: We formed a new relationship with the help of the book
Review: Mom's House, Dad's House is an island of rational ideas and support in a sea of self help books. Dr. Ricci presents concepts and advice that supported us in re-building our relationship while going through a divorce with three children. Almost every issue we struggled with (and we did struggle) was covered in the book. Her input regarding 'emotional' divorce paved the way to our new and very constructive 'business' relationship. We are now actually communicating better that when married. The children are the true beneficiaries of our using this book.
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Summary: great book
Review: my husband and i are going through visitation problems and this book helped us to understand why some things are the way they are.
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Summary: #1 reference for parents going through divorce
Review: Not only did I read this as I was going through separation and divorce, I have picked it up numerous times since to refresh my memory and keep my priorities straight and my head & heart in the right place. Dr. Ricci's advice is just as useful as your needs change and your kids grow, too. If you have kids and are separating/divorcing, this book will walk you through every step, as well as give you immediately applicable information on setting up two homes for your children in the best possible way for them, and for you.
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