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Summary: This book helped me tremendously
Review: This is the only book that I have read regarding growing up in a painful childhood that made complete sense to me. I couldn't believe how much I related. Before I read the book, I was asking myself if I had an abusive childhood. After all, my parents were always telling me that they loved me. But, they only said it with words, never showed it with actions. I was not physically or sexually abused. I was emotionally abused and severly neglected. It all made sense to me when I realized the controlling nature of my parents fit into the abuse category. I strongly identified with this book. I realized that I was right in my feelings that I had an unhealthy childhood. This book was very validating and liberating for me and it was easy to read. It was not filled with a bunch of over-my-head language. I read this book about 5 or so years ago, I think. But, it has been an invaluable resource for me.(...)When I need more information or resources, I usually end up on his website.
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Summary: to the reader in usa
Review: This is to the reader whose head was smashed against the wall by an irate mother: I feel for you. I know how much more it maddens a person when others say that the parent at whose hands you suffered is a wonderful person and when they tell you to put it in the past. I don't know how much the compassion of a stranger helps, but your feelings, your experience of your life, your personhood are valid and there!
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Summary: very real and I can relate to so much
Review: This was the first book I bought to help me get through the long journey of healing that I am beginning now after years and years of abuse. I started to read it and couldn't put it down. I was reading so much about my own life that I couldnt wait to see what else it said. I come from a family of emotional, verbal and physical abuse and have constantly struggled with feelings of anger, sadness, resentment and guilt. This book opened my eyes to alot of things I didn't know but also made me feel like I'm not crazy, this did happen to me and I have a right to feel how I do. It helped myself feel stronger and stern about having my own emotions and not ignoring how I feel. I definitely think this book can help you learn if your parents controlled you and what you should do about it now, especially if they are still doing it. I think that this book can help, but I think that someone who has gone through what is discussed in this book, should also seek therapy to heal as well.
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Summary: Practical, insightful, multi-faceted
Review: What I liked about this book was that it covers these problems from so many angles- Why do people become controllers?
- How it affects the children short and long term
- The different types of controllers
- How to declare and achieve independence
- Whether to confront him or her He talks about the different ways you can be a good or bad parent. I gave the summary chart from this to my daughter, and asked her to score me and my wife. We found it very useful. I think any open minded parent would benefit from reading this, because no-one is perfect. The book is practical and not judgemental. My only quibble is that some of the dysfunctional behaviours described in the book are not really 'controlling' so the title is slightly misleading. Having said that, there is plenty of material on controllers and this is the focus of the book. So many self help books are not that helpful... In many cases they seem to be about helping people blame others for their problems. Even if others are responsible in large part, people need to take ownership of solving their problems, and many of the books do not help with that. In other cases, I see self help books being used by abusive people as manuals and cookbooks for justifying and extending their abusive behaviour. See the reviews of "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud for some examples. This one is for people who actually want to understand and solve their problems. Highly recommended.
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Summary: so glad i read this book
Review: when i started realizing how bad i was raised, i realized that i do not want to bring up children the way i was brought up. and unfortunately, we all follow the pattern of what we know because it's the most familiar. the hardest part is to start something over and to destroy the legacy which is most familiar to you. this book helps to give you perspective. and if it gets to be emotional reading, then it means that there is work to do. this book is extremely helpful in helping you start over without getting preachy or dogmatic
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