Rating: 
Summary: If I only knew then what I know now!
Review: Neuharth's clear and revealing analysis of destructive parents all but shatters the Momma 'n Daddy God Complex that haunts and tramatizes adults. He gives explict case histories as examples and follows up with logical explainations and various problem solving techniques with almost no irritating psychobabblish jargon. Furthermore, Neuharth treats his readers like adults, which is refreshing for those whose parents refuse to do so. His explanations of irrational parental behavior can validate the adult child's confusions of not only whether abuse did happen (and he's right: the abusive parent will almost always deny it), but why it happened. By exploring controlling parents' fears, we may understand why so much undeserved abuse -- not that any abuse is deserved -- can be dished out by people whom we expect to nourish, love, and comfort us. This understanding, however, does not necessarily lead to the myth of categorical forgiveness. Neuharth does not assert or even suggest that abused children forgive their abuser(s). Instead he offers realities, such as "For some, forgiveness is unwise and impossible," and "Premature forgiveness can reinjure you." He also suggests that adult children set up physical and emotional boundaries and possibly confront abusive parents in an effort to gain self-knowledge and self-esteem. These adult children should recognize, nonetheless, that their parents may not necessarily cooperate. If You Had Controlling Parents rates on the top with Susan Forward's Toxic Parents for a much needed reality break for those who continue to behave like wheedling, cringing children from 21 to 70 or more in the presence of irrational, self-centered parents.
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Summary: Tremendously healing & thought-provoking book!
Review: So many self-help books are badly written, offering warmed-over rehashes of what's been said many times, or giving simplistic "Dr. Laura"-type answers to complex problems. IF YOU HAD CONTROLLING PARENTS is one of the most original, well-written, thought-provoking books I have read. This book provides the most penetrating understanding of dysfunctional family dynamics I've ever seen. I understand my controlling mother and "strong, silent" father on so many more levels than I thought possible after reading this book. The author gives many examples, exercises and questions, all of which encourage you to think for yourself -- which is particularly good after a lifetime of being told how to think. While many self-help books help you understand a life problem but offer few tools to solve it, nearly half of this book is dedicated to offering wonderfully original ways of both healing and problem solving -- giving readers many ways to grow instead of some simple-minded pat formula.
Rating:
Summary: Tremendously healing & thought-provoking book!
Review: So many self-help books are badly written, offering warmed-over rehashes of what's been said many times, or giving simplistic "Dr. Laura"-type answers to complex problems. IF YOU HAD CONTROLLING PARENTS is one of the most original, well-written, thought-provoking books I have read. This book provides the most penetrating understanding of dysfunctional family dynamics I've ever seen. I understand my controlling mother and "strong, silent" father on so many more levels than I thought possible after reading this book. The author gives many examples, exercises and questions, all of which encourage you to think for yourself -- which is particularly good after a lifetime of being told how to think. While many self-help books help you understand a life problem but offer few tools to solve it, nearly half of this book is dedicated to offering wonderfully original ways of both healing and problem solving -- giving readers many ways to grow instead of some simple-minded pat formula.
Rating:
Summary: Moving and practical
Review: The stories in the book are touching and I believe everybody with psychological or self-esteem matters can find in it something he/she can relate to. Its biggest virtue is that it provides the first systemization of psychological cruelty and thoughtlessness in parent-child relationships which can also be applied to all, even adult relations where physical coercion and reality corruption is involved. You can go through the extensive checklists and find a lot to reflect upon your past, analyze it, and finally let it go.
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Summary: It made the difference between life and death (literally)
Review: This book did not save my life: it GAVE me a life, for the first time in 38 years. I will be 39 next month; what an uncommon birthday gift Dr. Neuharth has given me. I read his book in fewer than two days; it prevented me from committing suicide. This is an extraordinary step for me. I am a Puerto Rican Jew with no brothers or sisters or a single person whom I ever thought of as a friend; I am a person who was different physically and socially, who was ostracized by society and dominated by both parents, to the point that at the age of 24, I still had only a 10:00 pm curfew. Dr. Neuharth's book enlightened me so deeply and thoroughly, I literally shook from excitement, as if a baby was being born. I was being born as I read his book. Now I know that I am somebody, after all. I'm not second-rate, as I always "knew" all my "life". I NOW have life. I cried so hard and uncontrollably upon reading that I really DO have brothers and sisters: 15 MILLION adults who are just like me! I'm not alone, after all. For the first time in 38 years, I believe in God. His name is Dan Neuharth. Because God gives life, and Dr. Neuharth gave life to me.
Rating:
Summary: clear guide for those beginning to work on this issue
Review: This book does a wonderful job of describing several overcontrolling parenting styles, and the influence they have on those growing up under each style. The author does a great job of contrasting healthy parenting with unhealthy parenting, then providing realistic guidance in addressing the impact. This book is appropriate for those who just happen to have suffered a moderate degree of overcontrol/inappropriate parenting as well as those who were subject to extensive overcontrol. If your problems are more severe, such as ongoing sexual abuse while you were growing up, this book might only be a start, but a great one that will well prepare you to get a grasp on the parenting influence as you go further.
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Summary: I had no idea
Review: This book from Dan Neuharth describes the different aspects and forms of toxic parenthood.
You learn to analyze your particular "controlling" situation and how to counteract. Quite practical!
If your feelings about your parents are somehow strange,guild loaden, fearful etc, the author helps you to clarify the situation and offers practical adivse. Interaction and communication get improved adhoc. Highly recommendable!
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Summary: A spark of hope has entered my life........
Review: This book is one of the best self help books I have read in a long time. It dealt more with the emotional than the physical abuse in childhood. I have always had a hard time because to me emotional abuse specially when mixed with religion can be so easily justified in your mind. You can feel like "something is really wrong here", but then in the same breath say "well they love me so much and are just obeying God and what he requires of parents". I have been eaten up with guilt for the rebellion against my parents that I displayed as a teenager. Now though I realize I rebelled against their control, not against them inorder to hurt them or make them miserable. I read this book, started seeing a therapist and confronted my parents and let me tell you how much freedom I feel for the first time in life. I actually feel happy, and a great sense of hope. What do I owe my parents? Why am I so fearful of hurting their feelings? Why can't I just do what is healthy for me? The book answered these questions and the exercises were wonderful. We need more books like this one because obviously there is a problem in parenting that needs to be looked at and changed fast! Kids are becoming more violent, less respectful of authority, and completely losing any conscience what-so-ever. So if I can break the generation sin that has been passed down for generations, then I am thankful I was put in the home I was put in and strong enough to SURVIVE!
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Summary: Life Changing - Enlightening - Awakening!
Review: This book is perfect for those who are ready to understand how their parents controlled them so that they may regain control of their own lives. This book is the only book I have read that led me to discover who I really am and want to be. It also helped me to reconsider how I might parent my own children since I have obviously learned unhealthy methods. This book provides practical, therapeutic exercises for those who are ready and willing to go through the pain and joy of discovering life and themselves from a new perspective and helps you understand why you are the way you are. I have recommended this book to therapists for their clients as well as to my friends and family members who had controlling, dysfunctional parents. This book literally changed my life, made me feel lighter as I allowed myself to release the anger and sadness, and showed me a new world I had never seen before.
Rating:
Summary: fantastic book
Review: This book was written for those of us who grew up in an unhealthy environment, and had parents who controlled us in unhealthy ways. The author emphasizes working through our issues as adults, not playing "blame games." Interviews with people from all walks of life are liberally quoted throughout each chapter. What makes this book exceptional is that the author is advocating education and change, not revenge. He shows how examining your parents' history in detail can help you heal and move forward as a fully functioning adult free to make decisions based on something else than what your parents' would say. Controlling parents don't have to be outwardly abusive nor do they always have malevolent intentions towards their children. However, trauma stays with a person and its after-effects can be passed on to the next generation. The author clearly contrasts unhealthy with healthy parenting and offers checklists to help the reader. He explores why people overcontrol, and he provides exercises to help the reader work through his or her feelings. Most helpfully, he reiterates that it was not the reader's fault, and it is not required that the reader change - but if he or she begins to explore that possibility, it can lead to great rewards.
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